How should I end this friendship? (LONG)

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

Navygirl14 :  Eek. It sounds like she could use professional help. I would try suggesting that to her first. Is she having major financial problems? Or is it just the thrill of it/kleptomania? She’ll probably defend herself and refuse your suggestion, but at least you’ll have tried to help. 

After that, I would maybe try a few more times to suggest that she gets help, once you’re back home. Then if she still refuses, I would slowly stop responding to her. It’s less dramatic that way–as your MIL pointed out. You don’t need that toxicity in your life.

Post # 3
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She’s not an idiot, she knows why you’ll never speak to her again.  Just ghost her and be done with it.  It’s a shame, something is obviously wrong with her life and frankly I’d probably get ahold of her commanding officer to get her some help.  This goes beyond not wanting to get into trouble – she is about to ruin her life.  When you leave, make 100% sure that everything you brought with you is going home with you again and kiss the money she owes you from the past goodbye as you’ll never see it.  And if you really can’t stand being there, get a hotel tonight, spare cash notwithstanding.

ETA: I know it’s extreme but if she’s had any access to your purse, even at night, I’d get the cards monitored or changed.  She could have easily taken down your numbers.

Post # 4
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I third the ghosting and second monitoring your credit and bank accounts.

Post # 5
Member
3447 posts
Sugar bee

Ugh…so bad. I had a very good friend try to steal my credit card from me once in the midst of a bipolar manic phase. I pretty much ghosted her after that…well more of a slow fade but same basic effect.

This was years ago and it still haunts me to be honest…we had been close for YEARS before she suddenly went off the rails (trying to steal my cc was just one of many insane things she did during this period of time). I am haunted because part of me feels like I should have tried to be there for her more during this crazy time in her life…but ultimately I chose self preservation and cut her out. IDK what I’m trying to say…it’s a tough situation and you gotta look out for yourself. Maybe send her one last email saying you’re worried about her and hope she gets help and then just distance yourself?

Post # 6
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

Ghost her!  She’s a constant threat- it’s not fair to your DH to keep putting your funds/name in danger.

Post # 7
Member
1694 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, she needs help. I’m sorry you got put in that situation! I hate leaving things feeling “unfinished” on my end so I would probably be compelled to spell out why we could no longer be friends even though she knows — maybe because I’d want some sort of explanation. But probably the healthiest thing to do is to ghost her. I ditto everyone saying to monitor your cards.

Post # 10
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

She is a thief!  You need to be done with her!  She can not be trusted at all! Definitely monitor your credit cards. I’m sorry but she is not a friend. I hope you are in a hotel now. 

Post # 11
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

Ghost her and I would request new card numbers when you get back home.  I would bet money (that she’d probably steal) that if she had any alone time with your purse she went snooping in there.  In fact, my first thought when you said she excused herself from the sauna was that she went to go steal money out of your purse.

Delete and block her.

Post # 12
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

She will get why you’ve deleted her, it’s not rocket science

Post # 13
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Nope.  I’ll cut her out and have no problem telling her why. Money problem is one thing.  But to try shifting the blame onto you to save her own ass is another thing.  Before you are her friend you are first her unwilling scrape goat.  With a friend like that who needs enemies.

Post # 14
Member
3177 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Another vote for deleting her and every avenue of connection. Who cares if she gets angry? Why is your mother trying to avoid you angering her unless she’s dangerous in some way.

If she calls you to ask what’s up (and you choose to answer) tell her straight up “I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I don’t appreciate your bullshit from our last visit and it was the final straw. Good luck with your life. Don’t call me anymore.”

Or you could be more blunt and tell her “I’m not fucking with you anymore. Kick rocks.”

Or just don’t answer. Block her number, whatever suits you best. She definitely needs to be dumped, though. I’m sorry that happened. It sucks when friendships end in a disappointing way. A straight up betrayal like this is really sad and upsetting.

Post # 15
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Make sure the gym and police have cleared you 100% . Don’t let this situation bite you in the a$$ later on if she’s dragged to court or charged and lays the blame on you again when you won’t be there to defend yourself. 

She obv has some real mental issues but is cunning enough to let you take the blame without blinking an eye. Be careful and make sure you’re 100% in the clear before you fly home. 

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