Post # 1
Okay bees so I have a bit of a doozy for y’all.
I want to apologize if there are any typos as I am doing this from my phone.
I recently was discharged from the Navy and moved from VA to TX for school with my husband. My best friend is still stationed in VA, and having been gone since February I decided to come visit her for a week while I have a brief break from school. I purchased my ticket for $400 and we were all good to go. About a week later we had a serious family emergency that cost my husband and I all of the money in our EF (about $1200). I still had our other savings (long term) but I really didn’t want to touch it for several reasons. I told my friend I was going to cancel my trip and she BEGGED me to come anyway, saying since she owed me money (about $700 from 2 years ago) that she would pay for my food/any other items I needed while here. I still wanted to cancel but my husband said I should go (he’s not a huge fan of her but knew I needed a break and he thought this was realistically the only way we’d get our money back) so I agreed and have been here since the 13th.
Everything was going fine, except for a few arguments over a new relationship she is in. Cut to yesterday. She asks me to go to the gym with her and says I have to sign up for a free guest pass. When we get to the gym I give them my license and we proceed to the locker room. She tells me she wants to use the sauna and I agree. We hadn’t been in for 2 minutes when she excused herself for the bathroom. I waited and when she came back she said she needed to leave because she wasn’t feeling well. I agreed. We went about the rest of the day as normal mostly relaxing until her phone starts ringing. It’s the gym. She ignores it and they called TEN more times, I asked what was going on and she said she didn’t know. I had no reason not to trust her so I brushed it off. About 10 minutes later she comes back in her guest room where I am staying and shows me a text from the manager at the gym. It says “We have a statement from a member saying she saw you steal a bag from the locker of another patron and we have you on camera throwing it out in the parking lot. The police are looking for you.” full disclosure, I did see her throw the bag out but she said it was old and dirty and she didn’t use it anymore…looking back I was a little naive but had no reason not to trust her) she looked at me and said “they caught us” I was SHOCKED this is the first I had heard of it. She assured me she would handle it then she went outside. Guess what? She called the gym and said I had grabbed the bag by mistake and she was scared to return it because of my mistake. I was LIVID and told her to tell the truth but she basically asked who the cops would believe. Then she begged me to take the wrap for it because she is still active duty and I am a civilian now. I called the gym and told the manager I would make a statement against her if needed. She also sent me several texts saying how she was sorry but she knew I wouldn’t go along with it if she had told me and so on.
A little later she realized the gym was bluffing and hadn’t actually called the cops (well, she thinks) and is acting like nothing is wrong. I am unfortunately stuck, as I called the airport and the soonest I could leave would be a day early for an additional $2,500. All day she has been acting like nothing is wrong, and won’t even talk about it. I went to visit our old work today and caught her trying to steal another co workers debit card so clearly she learned nothing.
Obviously this friendship is over, but I’m not sure how to go about it once I leave (on Saturday thankfully) DH thinks I should “ghost” her and just unfriend/follow/block her on all social media as soon as I board and be done with it. My MIL said I should slowly stop responding as not to anger her. Ideally I would like to explain to her why I am choosing this but she clearly doesn’t see anything wrong with what she did and was only worried she would get caught…and I know it will just be an argument where she makes herself into the victim.
I am livid at the situation, heartbroken at losing my best friend and conflicted on how to handle it all. Any advice?
Post # 2
Navygirl14 : Eek. It sounds like she could use professional help. I would try suggesting that to her first. Is she having major financial problems? Or is it just the thrill of it/kleptomania? She’ll probably defend herself and refuse your suggestion, but at least you’ll have tried to help.
After that, I would maybe try a few more times to suggest that she gets help, once you’re back home. Then if she still refuses, I would slowly stop responding to her. It’s less dramatic that way–as your MIL pointed out. You don’t need that toxicity in your life.
Post # 3
She’s not an idiot, she knows why you’ll never speak to her again. Just ghost her and be done with it. It’s a shame, something is obviously wrong with her life and frankly I’d probably get ahold of her commanding officer to get her some help. This goes beyond not wanting to get into trouble – she is about to ruin her life. When you leave, make 100% sure that everything you brought with you is going home with you again and kiss the money she owes you from the past goodbye as you’ll never see it. And if you really can’t stand being there, get a hotel tonight, spare cash notwithstanding.
ETA: I know it’s extreme but if she’s had any access to your purse, even at night, I’d get the cards monitored or changed. She could have easily taken down your numbers.
Post # 4
I third the ghosting and second monitoring your credit and bank accounts.
Post # 5
Ugh…so bad. I had a very good friend try to steal my credit card from me once in the midst of a bipolar manic phase. I pretty much ghosted her after that…well more of a slow fade but same basic effect.
This was years ago and it still haunts me to be honest…we had been close for YEARS before she suddenly went off the rails (trying to steal my cc was just one of many insane things she did during this period of time). I am haunted because part of me feels like I should have tried to be there for her more during this crazy time in her life…but ultimately I chose self preservation and cut her out. IDK what I’m trying to say…it’s a tough situation and you gotta look out for yourself. Maybe send her one last email saying you’re worried about her and hope she gets help and then just distance yourself?
Post # 6
Ghost her! She’s a constant threat- it’s not fair to your DH to keep putting your funds/name in danger.
Post # 7
Wow, she needs help. I’m sorry you got put in that situation! I hate leaving things feeling “unfinished” on my end so I would probably be compelled to spell out why we could no longer be friends even though she knows — maybe because I’d want some sort of explanation. But probably the healthiest thing to do is to ghost her. I ditto everyone saying to monitor your cards.
Post # 8
skunktastic : I didn’t even consider her stealing from me! I just booked a hotel and am packing, waiting for my cab. I told her I just need some time for now.
Post # 9
janna121215 : She makes really bad decisions with money but I wouldn’t say her situation is dire by any means. If it was I would have never agreed to come.
Post # 10
She is a thief! You need to be done with her! She can not be trusted at all! Definitely monitor your credit cards. I’m sorry but she is not a friend. I hope you are in a hotel now.
Post # 11
Ghost her and I would request new card numbers when you get back home. I would bet money (that she’d probably steal) that if she had any alone time with your purse she went snooping in there. In fact, my first thought when you said she excused herself from the sauna was that she went to go steal money out of your purse.
Delete and block her.
Post # 12
She will get why you’ve deleted her, it’s not rocket science
Post # 13
Nope. I’ll cut her out and have no problem telling her why. Money problem is one thing. But to try shifting the blame onto you to save her own ass is another thing. Before you are her friend you are first her unwilling scrape goat. With a friend like that who needs enemies.
Post # 14
Another vote for deleting her and every avenue of connection. Who cares if she gets angry? Why is your mother trying to avoid you angering her unless she’s dangerous in some way.
If she calls you to ask what’s up (and you choose to answer) tell her straight up “I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I don’t appreciate your bullshit from our last visit and it was the final straw. Good luck with your life. Don’t call me anymore.”
Or you could be more blunt and tell her “I’m not fucking with you anymore. Kick rocks.”
Or just don’t answer. Block her number, whatever suits you best. She definitely needs to be dumped, though. I’m sorry that happened. It sucks when friendships end in a disappointing way. A straight up betrayal like this is really sad and upsetting.
Post # 15
Make sure the gym and police have cleared you 100% . Don’t let this situation bite you in the a$$ later on if she’s dragged to court or charged and lays the blame on you again when you won’t be there to defend yourself.
She obv has some real mental issues but is cunning enough to let you take the blame without blinking an eye. Be careful and make sure you’re 100% in the clear before you fly home.