How should I feel about my fiance being shallow?

posted 12 months ago in Full Figured
Post # 76
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I am a shallow person, I had always been skinny and after having my son I went into crazy mode because I wanted to have the same skinny girl body…even now at 33 I am constantly watching what I eat because I like to look a certain way. However, I met my Darling Husband when he was 60 pounds heavier than he is now. He lost weight around 5 years ago when we started dating and somehow he has managed to keep the weight off by running. He always jokes that at any time he can be fat again, and let me tell you something, I don’t care! Yes, I am more attracted to him now, but I was attracted to him befor he lost the weight and I know I am gonna be attracted to him if he gains the weight back…and when he losses all of his hair, because I am attracted of who he is…

I always dated supe fit men before him (I am telling you I know I am shallow) and never liked someone as much as I like him…

so, maybe your Fiance is like me, but he will find you attractive and beautiful no matter what

Post # 79
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

Men don’t think. They really don’t. Often it’s that they don’t think carefully about what they’re saying or that they don’t word things in a very sensitive way. 

I’ve lost some weight and just asked my fiancé if he prefers me like this or before….he literally had a face of a rabbit caught in headlights, I could almost see him thinking ‘what is the best way I can answer this?’….maybe your fiancé also felt this way. Haha. 

I know my dad has a bad habit of digging holes for himself, numerous occasions he’s upset me or my sisters and my mum has made him call to apologise 😜

 

Post # 81
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

ashuri :  ““I love you no matter what size, but I can’t wait to see what you look like when you hit your goal.” 

I don’t think he’s shallow either. 

You asked him a loaded question, what could he have said? You guys are doing to get married, focus on the happiness and less about wording.

 

Post # 82
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

ashuri :  By The Way, when/if you order Chinese food, or any food really, you can always ask them to not add oil. The work/pan they cook with already has plenty of oil, there’s no need to add more.

Post # 83
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

kristin36890 :  Morbid obesity is based on BMI (height and weight). Not what you look like in a photo.

I don’t think it’s cut and dry like that. Medical definition of morbid obesity involves more than just BMI. CDC website says “At an individual level, BMI can be used as a screening tool but is not diagnostic of the body fatness or the health of an individual.” 

That makes sense to me because muscle weighs significantly more than fat and some people really do have larger denser bone structure and other people more bird-like.  So you can have two people with the exact same BMI but look way different in photographs. 

Not saying this proves OP is a healthy weight. Though she doesn’t look morbidly obese based on her user photo which granted is only of her face.  I just think “what you look like in a photo” is definitely part of the equation.  

Post # 84
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t let it bother you. There is no way he could not think his bride is beautiful as you walk down the aisle towards him. 

It’s good you don’t mind him making comments on what you’re eating. My fiance does that and it drives me crazy! He is vegan though and super health consious. 

Post # 85
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ashuri :  

For men, weight questions and comments from us are terrifying.  They have no clue how to respond.  After all of these years, Dh will still do anything he can to get out of any discussion that includes my current weight, my preferred weight, when I was at my ideal weight, when I went below my ideal weight, when I gained a bunch of weight or anything that could possibly lead to a discussion of—my weight.

He’s a bit baffled, because he has always found me very attractive (who doesn’t?). I think a lot of guys are like that. They’re scared to venture into that shark tank.  And they know they’re doomed.  No good is going to come out of this.  At best, they’re usually pretty clumsy when it comes to weight issues.

The exception being those aholes who think they’re entitled to dictate how you look.

One of my favorites was a convo my friend had with his wife not long after they got married.

Wife:  Will you tell me if I start getting fat?

Husband: Will you tell me if I start getting stupid?

Post # 86
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think he was being shallow. I’m sure he loves you and finds you beautiful no matter what. My husband doesn’t find fat attractive, but I don’t think that makes him shallow. Everyone is allowed to have prefernces and that is totally fine. Would he leave me if I got fat? No. Would he love me less? No. But he would be less attracted to me. I’m the same way as him. He did gain around 20 lbs and I was less attracted to him when his tummy got a little soft and pudgy, but it didn’t make me love him less. I never told him that I was less attracted to him because of the weight gain but I would have if he asked – but I would have told him in a tactful way. Had he not lost the weight or continued to gain at some point I probably would have said something, but I don’t think that’s wrong or shallow. I wouldn’t try to lose weight for your Fiance but for yourself. If you want to be healthier then you have to do it for you because if it’s for someone else it’s so much easier to gain back. 

Post # 87
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

With all due respect. He proposed to you when you were 270lbs. He is not shallow. Don’t miss the forest for the trees…

Post # 87
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

With all due respect. He proposed to you when you were 270lbs. He is not shallow. Don’t miss the forest for the trees…

 

Post # 89
Member
4570 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Being beautiful has nothing to do with your weight, IMO. You will be a beautiful bride whether you are 180, 250, 270 or 300 pounds. I won’t go into my thoughts about BMI/ outliers/ justification etc etc because no one cares what I think.

However your question was is he shallow, and I am inclined to state that he is just blunt. Honestly, even you have ackowledged you have changes with your weight gain that you aren’t happy with. Why would he see it any differently. I am pretty sure that this does not negate his love for you though. 

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