(Closed) How should I handle a friend that I believe stole from me?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What did she say when you directly confronted her about the iPod? There’s not really anything to deny there as she put it out there on FB that she hadn’t sold it yet after telling you she had.

If you decide to continue hanging out with her, don’t leave anything valuable sitting out and don’t leave her around any of your belongings unattended. 

Unfortunately, if you didn’t see her take it and she’s denying it, there’s not a whole lot you can do other than be really careful in the future. 

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would confront her about it. At the very least, she’s lied about the iPod. If she continues to lie to you, you can never trust her again.

Post # 5
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly? It doesn’t take an FBI agent to figure out she stole your money. You already know she has done it, now you have to figure out what to do.

I wouldn’t be overly harsh about it, just because you guys might have mutual friends, same classes in the future, but I would just be honest, and tell her whats up, and that you don’t appreciate her stealing and lying. I would then tell her proceed with, friends don’t do that kind of thing. And keep your distance.

she stole your money for vodka? that’s messed up.

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I feel your pain. A person I considered a friend stole $80 out of my kitchen coffee can emergency fund when I was living in my first apartment. I learned my lesson, never leave money around no matter who is in your home. I’m sorry this happened. Unfortunately unless you’ve rigged your house with cameras or she admits it, you’ll never be able to know if it was her for sure.

I guess I’d think about the friendship overall. Does she lie a lot? Is she untrustworthy? Is this something you see happening again? Is she a good person who made a bad decision? Only you can decide if you want to still be friends. I know it sucks. I’d rather just give a friend money if they are having a hard time rather than wonder if they stole it from me.

Post # 7
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

ya, i would just let her know that i know she did because of all the evidence and that you don;t like that she is lying about it.  then keep your distance.  i had a friend in elementary school steal a book from me that i was reading. i had been reading it in class (like one of those judy bloom type books, not a school book). and then it was gone and the next day this classmate has it. it was so obvious. i confronted her, she denied it and there was nothing i could do, except all future books i wrote my name on random pages. i was hoping to catch her again, but she never stole another one.  

basically though, i dont think u are going to get a confession from her. For one, if she did confess she probably sees it that you will hate her and not be her friend anymore (which i dont think you should), and second, if she admits to it, well then she kinda  has to pay you  back!

Post # 8
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’d just stop talking to her altogether. You do not need a friend who disrespects you so much that she would steal from you. I had a “friend” do this to me once, except it was with a credit card, and for an amount far more than $40.  If she did this once, expect her to do it again when she is in dire straights.

Post # 9
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

wow. I know that college is rough, but none of my friends ever stole from each other…

I think the problem is not only that it is pretty likely that she stole, but with the friendship itself. Even if she was hard pressed for money, she never should have taken something from you. I would just let the friendship fade after this…her sending you facebook messages repeatedly makes her seem really guilty.

Post # 10
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

$40 is a small price to pay to discover that a friend would steal from you.  It could have been much, much worse.  Better to learn this over some change than over important jewelry or your laptop.

Let the $40 go and distance yourself from the girl. 

 

Or, you can stir up a storm, look petty for picking on a girl who has no money, make friends pick sides, and make this drama last even longer.

 

I vote for moving on.

Post # 11
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly, I’d tell her straight up “I know you stole the money. If you had asked to borrow it, I probably would have been happy to lend it to you, but now I can’t trust you”.

 

Post # 12
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

@Potatoes:

I agree with this tack. Don’t ask if she took the money, just tell her you know she took it, and that it violated your trust and you don’t want to hang out with her anymore.

If she responds with an apology, maybe you can be friends again in time. If she continues to lie to you, you’ll know what kind of a personshe is.

Post # 13
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I had a similiar situation except I lost lots more than just $50. It was my BD and this girl I met from school and made her my friend. she wanted to take me to lunch, however my lunch was free because the place we had lunch offered free lunch for the BD girl and we knew about that. That was why when we went there so it was not like we just found out about the free lunch when we got there.

A week prior to that, I also lost cash also, only about $90 and the only person I was with was her, but I didn’t think much of it.

The second time around, after my BD lunch, we went to shop around and took easter picture and I paid for it and all my hundreds dollar bills were still in my wallet.  She got fired from her job and I even offered to pay for most of the things we ate or spent on that day.

We went to a clothing store and I wanted to try on some clothes. She watched my purse while I tried on some dresses and after 10 mins, I came out from the dressing room to pay for the clothes, 3 of the hundreds dollar bills were gone and I only had $60 left. I was very pissed off, and I was very mad because I knew she took my money. Especially a broke girl went and blow $200 on shoes the day after.

When her father came from Mongolia to visit, I even cooked dinenr for them. She always wanted to come to my place to hang out even after 10pm in the evening.  She also stole a bunch of my expensive clothes which consisted all the items she liked and once borrowed and din;t want to give back. All the clothes she took together value like $3000 and I am sure I can ebay them and still get at least $1000 even considering they were worn by me already.

I came over to her place to check, and she knew and heard my voice, she closed the blind and acted like she was not home. She moved else where couple of weeks later. I wrote her an email to tell her how divious she was and I regret making a thief like herself to be my friends. I called her a thief without any hesitation and told her to stay away from me. She never responded.

All these incidents happened like in two weeks altogether. Thanks Lord, I even once offered her a place to stay becasuse I felt bad for her not having family here and got fired from her job and may not be able to pay for apartment rent….I defriended her for good and told her she is a thief and need to stay away from me.

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Potatoes: I totally agree with this tactic.

Straight up tell her that you know she took your money and that you can’t trust her any longer. I wouldn’t even offer her a second chance. Who wants to be “friends” with someone who steals money from you to buy a bottle of vodka?

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