Post # 1
Okay…. so, I have a problem with my bridesmaid. We’ve been good friends for a couple years, but she is not the most reliable of people. This trait seems to have gotten worse over the past year or so. Let me give you a run down.
Bridesmaid or Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor and I were planning a week-long trip to Florida in April. 2 weeks before we left, she called to say that she was backing out. We were pissed and we had to crunch some numbers to afford it, but my Maid/Matron of Honor and I still went.
Bridesmaid or Best Man in question was supposed to be hosting my bridal shower. 2 days AFTER she was supposed to send out invites, she texts me to say that she cant host it anymore and she doesnt really even think she can be involved. We ended up pushing it back 2 weeks and my Maid/Matron of Honor is hosting now.
Not to mention that it was pulling teeth to get her to got Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping. She never bought the shoes that SHE insisted they both buy, even after my Maid/Matron of Honor had already purchased them. I’ve hardly even talked to her in the past 2 months.
So, a couple weeks ago she invites me out to lunch because she has something to tell me. Her news was that she’s moving to Phoenix, 4 weeks before my wedding. She was quick to assure me that I had nothing to worry about and that she was going to fly home to be in the wedding.
My issue is that I just do not think that I can trust her to be here. With her, there is always some excuse. She has bailed on every single thing I’ve asked them to do so far and now this. My mother and I are sewing their dresses and we do not want to have to remkae one of them last minute because she bails and says she cant fly back. I just feel like with her just having moved and trying to find a job, something is going to come up and I’m going to get a call the week before my wedding say “Hey, sorry, but I cant make it.”
I dont know what to do. I feel like the best way would be to give her an out and maybe ask her to be a guestbook attendant or something instead? I just dont knwo what to say to her or how to handle it.
Post # 3
I would just say that you don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on her, moves are extremely stressful and settling in to a new lifestyle is equally challenging – ask her if she’d like to participate in another way!
Post # 4
I would tell her your concerns like you just told us… let her know that you want her to be there on your big day, but think its best that she not be in the wedding since she has so many exciting things going on in her life. I would even pay her back for her dress… do you by chance have someone else who happens to be her size that can step in? Then problem solved. I would rather cut my losses than deal with the not knowing with her… Since she has not particiapted at all – seems there is no loss.
She may be upset – but you have been upset over the recent events as well.
Post # 5
@aitkenpatty: The thing is, with us making the dresses, they were only paying for the fabric… which they have not done yet. She would be out absolutely NO money if I asked her to step down. I do have someone to replace her, but they are not the same size. The “new” girl is about the same size as my Maid/Matron of Honor, so we could use the same pattern.
Post # 6
@zippylef:Then I would recommend you ask her to and stress that you know she is so busy with her move and it is best for you both. It will be hard, but probably best for you in th end.
Post # 7
I can’t really give you advice in this situation because it’syour choice on how to handle it. But, I will tell you how I handled my BMs:
I got tired of worrying baout if people had paid, picked up, or altered their dresses. I realized that a few weeks before my wedding things weren’t paid for, altered, anything. I just had to let it go. I got to a point where it didn’t matter if they didn’t show. If they didn’t then they didn’t. What could I do about it? I chose to give people the benefit of the doubt. Through the whole process, I did learn though who my real friends were. I learned who is responsible, who really wnated to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and who really wished they hadn’t said “yes”. Good luck and I hope you can figure out a solution, or at least just let her not screw up your plans or make you feel more stressed than you have to be.