(Closed) How should I handle this?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would come out and tell her that you were planning on hosting a day after brunch. I understand that you wanted to try to keep that a surprise, but that’s not really much of an option if someone is considering having a birthday party the same day as your brunch. Just let her know in a polite way so that she doesn’t find out through the invitation.

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Call her and discuss your secret plans but be prepared to hear that she isn’t going to change the date.

Post # 5
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Couldn’t you host a brunch and then still do the party in the afternoon?  You shoul ask what time she plans to have the party.  It honestly seems do-able to me.  But if you think they might overlap, I would let the cousin in on the surprise brunch.  Then she push for the party to be later in the day (using the hangover excuse) without giving away anything.  I also can understand why she’d want to do it right after your wedding since most people will be in town and people won’t have to travel again a month later.

 

Post # 5
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Will there be people coming in from out of town? That may be why she wants to have the party the same weekend. In which case I think that’s totally reasonable of her.

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think she might just be trying to take advantage of everyone being in the same place. I bet if you told her you were thinking about a brunch she would move the time back a bit. 

Post # 7
Member
46334 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would communicate with her. Tell her that you have already made plans for the brunch (even if they are not finalized yet), that you are planning on surprising your guests at a later time, and request that she not share that information .

She may still want to hold her event later that day to take advantage of the fact that all the relatives are together, and I guess you really can’t stop her, but people will have to make their own decisions about how much partying they can fit into one weekend.

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that she might be using the fact that people will be in town for the wedding to take advantage of timing and not make family travel twice.

Let her know about the brunch politely and hopefully she will plan the party for after brunch!

Post # 9
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@Mrs.Goguen:  I would be annoyed if my FH’s cousin was planning another big family event the day after my wedding!  Her email seems nice enough though – as someone else said, maybe she thought it would be easy to have the birthday party the same weekend as the wedding since family will be in town.  Unfortunately you can’t really tell her what to do or tell her to change the date of her mother’s birthday party, but I would call her (don’t do this over email if at all possible, b/c sometimes it’s hard to determine people’s tones via email) and be really really sweet and also apologetic and ler her know that you have the day after brunch for your wedding.  Take it from there and hopefully she will move the birthday party.  Or you could also have your FH talk to her since it is his cousin and he’s obviously closer to her.  

Post # 11
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Tell her about it

Post # 13
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I agree with other that she is probably doing it since all of the family will be together anyways. As long as it is late in the day I don’t see what the problem would be.I loved our brunch and sending the day with family(we got married at a big resort and spent the day at the water park) talking about things that happened at the wedding that we all missed and just catching up in general. It might be a great way for you to get to spend more time with your Out of Town guests. I would definately let her know what you have planned and ask her to plan the party for later in the day.

Post # 14
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@Mrs.Goguen:  Yes, and then you don’t have to be the “bad guy”!

Post # 15
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Mrs.Goguen:  ooohhhh, if EVERYONE on his side lives close to each other, then I would definately have Fiance talk to her. Maybe even talk it over with your ILs and see what they think about chosing another date and then they can go to bat for you both as well.

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