(Closed) How should I handle this?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Chose your date and plan your wedding. If she can make it great, if she can’t, life will go on. Don’t change your plans for anyone – you’ll only regret it and resent that person later.

Post # 4
Member
979 posts
Busy bee

Agreed. Go with what YOU want for YOUR wedding.  Don’t let one person ruin your dream wedding and your day

Post # 5
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well that’s a bummer!  I would plan your wedding for when it works best with you and your Fiance and any VIPs (parents, siblings, grandparents.) and still ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  If she can make it great – if not, then that’s sucks but just make sure she knows you understand.  Unless it is super duper important to have her there, I wouldn’t plan my wedding around her schedule.  Does she know why she can’t make those dates? 

Post # 6
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Stressed_Bride15:  This might sound harsh, but it sounds like she doesn’t value your friendship as much as you do.  I wouldn’t mention that you wanted her to stand up with you and just move on with your planning.  PP is right, don’t plan around other people.

Post # 7
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with the others. Plan your wedding and choose a different bridesmaid. if she seems more committed down the line you may want her to be apart of the wedding in some other way. Aaaand, when the opportunity presents itself, you could tell her you were going to make her bridesmaid but she was floozy about attending 🙂 but that is just my opinion, because I’m a little bit bitchy like that!

Post # 9
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Stressed_Bride15:  Yeah, school can be tricky.  Looks like she’ll be in the middle of exams when you want to have your wedding.  I definitely wouldn’t take it personally or say she doesn’t value you your friendship as much as you do.  School is very important and exams are stressful and time consuming.  I still think you should ask her, maybe her exam schedule will be timed right and she can make the wedding.  I would try and convince your Fiance that uneven sides are perfectly ok!

Post # 11
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

There will likely always be someone who can’t make it on a certain date — so go ahead and plan it when it works for you. 

If I were you, I would still ask your friend to be a bridesmaid. It’s an honor to be asked, and it will show her how much your friendship means to you. If she can’t actually be there, she can be listed in the progam (if you have one) as “in absentia,” and she can still be involved in bridesmaid-y stuff before the wedding if she wants to be. 

Post # 12
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Stressed_Bride15:   What if up until the time we need to order dresses she still doesn’t know and declines to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then it turns out she actually can make it to the wedding? 

Then she attends as a guest. I have been in almost this exact situation — I was living very far away, I was asked to be a bridesmaid, I accepted and said I’d be there, but I couldn’t attend any of the dress fittings, so the bride asked me to attend as a guest. It was fine.

Post # 13
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You need to plan your dream wedding! If that means having the wedding on those dates then do that. I think once the date is set in stone, then just see what her reaction is over a couple of weeks. Who knows she may make the decision herself to make herself available!

Once a few weeks passes, say exactly what you said above. ‘You are one on my most valued friends, I 100% understand if you cannot make it but I wanted to let you know that if you are I would love for you to be involved’.

hmmmm a little odd she straight away is making you feel upset though….

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