(Closed) How should I respond? Do I even bother?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m getting married on my cousin’s anniversary. She’s not my Maid/Matron of Honor but she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man. They she didn’t make a stink about it at all (and I TOTALLY expected her too). Just make sure to not give your friend a hard time if she’d rather not celebrate your wedding day because she wants to celebrate her anniversary. Is it a big anniversary for her? Like 5 or 10 or something? Also, we’re getting married on my other cousin’s bday (I’m super close to my cousins :)), she’s also a Bridesmaid or Best Man and didn’t mention a thing about it. We’re going to surprise her and sing happy birthday with a special cake at the reception. They both understood why we chose our date and that it was important to us. However, I DID let them know that I knew it was a special day for them too, that way they didn’t feel like I didn’t remember those things when I asked them to be my BMs. Good luck πŸ™‚

Post # 5
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If it was my best friend’s wedding, whom I LOVE, I would just celebrate on a different day. I might be a little upset behind-the-scenes if it was a 10 year anniversary or something, but I’d find some way to make up for it (I.e. take a special trip instead of just presents and dinner) and still attend the wedding.

Post # 7
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

Honestly, it’d be different if they weren’t married yet, it was their dating anniversary, and they were planning on getting married on that same day. However, she’s already married, so IMO who really cares? I would think it would be romantic to celebrate a marriage anniversary at my friend’s wedding, especially since it’s a “vacation” wedding, but that’s just me! Also you have tons of other reasons why you wanted that particular date, so it’s not like you were just picking some “random” day. If I were your Maid/Matron of Honor I wouldn’t care. People make way too big a deal out of these things. 

Post # 9
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I dont think its an issue.

Post # 10
515 posts
Busy bee

Not the same situation as my friend and her SO aren’t married yet, but apparently their dating anniversary is the date I picked for my wedding.

I feel a little bad but I’m not going to change it. I’m thinking of gifting them tickets to a show or dinner somewhere nice.

Since yours is destination, do you have room in your budget to maybe pay for their accomadations or a nice night out? I don’t think you have to change it, but I think maybe you should try to arrange something for them or give a gift that they would appreciate.

ETA: I’m not saying you have to get them anything lol just I think it would be nice to show them a little love on your big day πŸ™‚

Post # 11
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

You could always have your Fiance mention them in his speech and have flowers presented to her.  It sounds like she is trying not to make a big deal of it, which is really sweet, so it would be nice to do something thoughtful for her.

Post # 12
4125 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Sparkidoodle:  I was going to suggest something similar.

It might be nice for her and her Darling Husband to go on vacation, even if it is to your wedding πŸ™‚

Post # 13
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If it’s a destination, why not pay for the hotel to have flowers and a bottle of wine sent to their room after the wedding? Have them send a little note from you saying Happy Anniversary. I think that would be a wonderful but personal way to acknowledge their special day without taking away from yours.

It’s awesome that your friend is being a champ about this, btw. There was a potential for some major drama.

Post # 14
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could play their first dance song if you’re having dancing at your wedding?  You could even let the two of them lead off in the dance and then have everyone join in halfway through.  I would never begrudge my friend for picking the same day I had picked; afterall, I liked it enough to pick it!  If she knows your reasons for picking the date, she’ll understand.

Post # 15
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I second zippylef; a bottle of wine or champagne and flowers in their hotel room would be a lovely touch. I don’t think you need to do anything else but if you want, you can do a shout out to them at your wedding and have their first dance song played.

Personally, it would not bother me in the least if my best friend was getting married on our anniversary – I’d actually probably be excited because it would mean Darling Husband and I get a nice night out together. And with your situation it’s even better because it’s a weekend away, not just a night out!

Post # 16
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@zippylef:  Yes, love the bottle of wine and flowers.  If you really want to go over the top a touch, you could get a mini replica of the top of their cake made, small enough for two people.  It wouldn’t be that expensive and would really be that special personal touch.

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