(Closed) How should I respond to FMIL?

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’d let her do what she’s comfortable with and trust that if she’s offering to pay, it’s okay.  My mom regrets taking on as much as she did.

Post # 4
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm…this is tricky. Probably, with your wedding so close, she came to the realization that she couldn’t do this and figured she doesn’t want to leave you high-and-dry and is taking on the responsibility of paying for the caterer. I would speak with her directly and ask her the questions you asked us.

Post # 5
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Let the woman enjoy the day.  It sucks that she committed, now changed her mind, but its all going to work out.  Sounds like you might be having a more casual (?) event anyway, and I’m sure you can find other alternatives.  

Post # 7
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Making the wedding food is a HUGE unertaking and maybe getting closer to the date, she just doesn’t feel up to it. I know its prepared beforehand but I bet you she would still be in the kitchen making sure everythings timed perfectly and prepared right. So really she would miss out on a lot of the wedding. I think you should have a sit donw with her though and discuss finances. 

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Should Fiance and I just start searching for a caterer? Should we try to simplify the menu and see if she’s more comfortable with that? I just don’t know how to take this. Bah.

she said she didnt want to do it, she asked you to get a caterer so i feel there is nothing you can do but thank her for her honesty and find a caterer. 

to be honest it sounds like a HUGE ask for her to caterer for her own sons wedding – she is a guest and should be treated as one.  she most probably is upset she has let you down so try to be gentle

Post # 9
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

I think that she probably just became overwhemled by the responsibility as your day became closer.  We’ve just had to cancel our caterer and are doing all the food ourselves now.  I’m sure as our date gets even closer I’ll be freaking out, too.  Stay tuned for that post! 😉

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry I know it sucks esp. When you thought it was all figured out. When you talk to her maybe ask her why she decided not to do it and maybe you can explain to her she will be apart of the day and enjoy every minute of it even if she does caterer it…Again I’m sorry! 

Post # 12
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This happens with a lot of DIY projects, when she realized how much work it would be, she realized it was just too much. I think it’s kind of crazy that the MOG would have been running around cooking food for the wedding. She’s probably offering to pay for a caterer because she feels bad about backing out. If you can afford it, offer to pay for some or all of the catering cost. Since your Future Mother-In-Law is in the area, ask her to go to tastings to help you find a caterer

 

Post # 14
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You didn’t esp if she was excited don’t feel bad you asked her because she is a great cook not to use and abuse her! 

Post # 15
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

I am sure she was excited when she offered,  but when she looked at the expense of buying all of the food and then the stress and work it would be to undertake this project, she realized she would rather pay someone to do it and be stress free. I have catered a wedding before and it was a LOT of work. I can’t imagine doing it on a family member’s wedding day. I would just price out caterers for her that meet your style and take it from there.

Post # 16
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think you asked too much of her!  I think she was genuinely excited about doing something so thoughtful for you and then she realized she might be in over her head.  Sounds like she doesn’t want to let you down. 

 

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