(Closed) How should we handle this problem?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MissRuby15:  We are not allowing any children at all, and there are people traveling with kids to our wedding. We are going to hire a babysitting service, and we put that information on our wedding website.  But, it might hurt your friends feelings if they see children at the wedding and their children were not allowed.

Post # 4
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

Yeah, I agree with PP, feelings might be hurt. I think in this case, you might just have to let them bring the kids. How many kids would that be, total? A ridiculous amount? 

We are allowing kids, but we are also hiring a babysitting service. Our venue is down the block (walking distance) from the hotel, so we think we might just set them all up in one of the rooms until their parents pick them up. 

I don’t know. Kids are a tricky business!

Post # 5
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

provide a babysitter and let them know you will be covering the babysitter.

Post # 6
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Personally, I think the kids situation needs to be all or nothing. I would definitely be offended if you told me I coulnd’t bring my kids, but when I showed up, there were kids running all over the place, especially if I were traveling a long distance to attend. 

Post # 9
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are going to really hurt your friend’s feelings if you tell them kids aren’t invited, and then they see kids when they show up.  It should really be an all-or-nothing thing.  Plus, if it’s friends with kids who have to travel, you’re running the risk of them not coming, because what are they supposed to do with the kids when you’re away?  They’ll be stuck trying to find childcare, when they were previously planning a fun vacation. 

Post # 10
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Etiquette basically states that you’re not doing anything wrong by allowing family and not friends to bring children. Not only that, but you WOULD be doing something wrong if you made an exception for this family (and risk possibly offending  your other friends with kids who followed the invitation and didn’t bring their kids).

That said, the babysitter idea is a good solution.

I have a lot of first cousins who are children, so they will all be invited, but anything beyond that (2nd/3rd cousins, friends’ kids, etc) will not be invited.

The rule of thumb is to make a rule and stick to it.

Post # 12
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It really needs to be all or nothing. It’s not fair that family can bring kids, but friends can not.

Post # 13
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why on earth would you even have gotten off the phone with him without saying that there would be no kids at the wedding? Unfortunately you made it harder on yourself by doing so. The instant my guests mentioned bringing kids to my wedding the very next thing out of my mouth was — “sorry, but the reception is adults only”. No further explanation needed. If the adults can’t come because if it, welp, too bad.

 

Post # 14
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’re perfectly within your rights to not invite their kids.  Frankly it’s a bit presumptuous of them to assume who’s invited when, if your date’s correct, they don’t have a invitation yet.  

I wouldn’t tell them it’s adults only, because they’ll get there and see that that’s not true.  Just say “Oh I’m sorry for the misunderstanding – the invitation is only for you and Mary.”  If they push back you have to be prepared to say “I’m so sorry you won’t be able to come – we’ll miss you.”

As for the babysitter, some parents might be OK leaving their kids with a random babysitter they don’t know, but some won’t be.

Post # 15
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You definitely need to address the issue – maybe ask something like “Oh, what will the boys do during the wedding?  Will they get quality time with your family in the area?”  Something to that effect.

FWIW, we had the same rule for kids originally (children of family only invited).  One of my dear college friends had a potential child care issue.  At first I said sorry, but its not fair to the others with children.  Then I thought about it, and said to heck with it.  I never get to see this friend, she’d be coming with her husband so if he got fussy the husband could take him for a walk or something, and she doesn’t know any of the other friends with kids – for all they know, she could be another cousin with a baby.  So I said yes, of course they can come, and it was great to see them.

Post # 16
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I delt with this. I let them know I would be happy to help them find a babysitter in the area but that this was to be a kid free event. They understood

ETA: I totally disagree that you should pay for sitter. If the children are not on the invite and the parents bring them to town then that is there issue. You should help as a friend since you know the area but they should still pay for it.

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