(Closed) How should you react to this? (husband's friend flirting with you?)

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think you need to do anything more than you already have.  You graciously discouraged him (by not flirting back) and you brought it up to your husband.  I think that’s all you can do.

FI’s closest friends are good guys that wouldn’t make a pass at me even if we were the last people on earth.  But, with the large group of friends he has, there’s definitely a lot of “less close friends” that will often flirt with me.  I just smile and ignore it, and nothing has ever come of it.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Some people are just flirty. Your husband may not see that side of his friend if they normally hang out without women around. Or maybe the guy was just in an extra flirty mood. Was it a full moon?

Either way I wouldn’t spend any more time thinking about it.

Post # 5
Member
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

How can you tell he was intending to flirt? I don’t usually assume that unless it’s really straightforward and uncomfortable. Maybe he was just being friendly. Or maybe he had a few beers and was just feeling relaxed? You don’t really specify what he did so I would just assume good intentions and move on. 

Post # 6
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think what’s important here is what you feel weird about it. I call this being “slimed on”…when someone acts innapropriate and you feel the after effects…even if you didn’t do anything!

 

If it were me, I would just openly tell my husband it bothered me and I didn’t know what to say or do and leave it that. Something like, “The other day I felt like _____ was a little too flirty toward me and I feel ick about it”. I wouldn’t expect him to say much but I would just prefer to put it out there.

 

If you see this person again, I just wouldn’t get into conversation with him. Just one word answers and no eye-contact. And the neutral one armed hug hello/good-bye if your group does that sort of thing. I would actively talk to other people and literally ignore him.

Post # 8
Member
6341 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

My OH and I are naturally flirtatious, and frequently flirt with other people in front of each other, including friends of ours; it’s just how we are. Personally I think you’re reading a bit much into it; there is a difference between someone being naturally flirtatious and someone hitting on you. If you both feel that this friend was actually hitting on you, and not simply being flirty, then that’s different, and only you and your OH can decide how you feel about it; perhaps a tactful word would be in order.

Post # 9
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsTee:  He may have been just caught off-guard by it, or maybe he trusts his friend and thought it was “fun and games”. I would explain to your hubby that you felt uncomfortable and the next time he should just tell his friend to lay off. Every girl wants to see their man protect her in those kind of situations so your feeling is normal, but I think it may have just been an overall awkward situation for your hubby too.

Post # 11
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Look I think it’s about your boundaries and they guy made you uncomfortable you should absolutely address. That being said, you are really vague about what he did so it’s hard to judge.

People define flirting in all types of ways, however I do think that fact that he doing it in a group people may be that he was drunk or got out of hand or that it was done harmlessly.

 

Post # 12
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

One of my fiance’s friends is pretty flirty with me. I definitely don’t feel any guilt about it (probably because I’m not interested in him), but it does make me feel a little uncomfortable sometimes. I told my fiance about it, and he’s not worried at all, but I did ask him to not leave me alone with this friend too often, for my sake! I usually just try to laugh off the compliments and not make a too big of a deal, the friend is a genuinely nice guy.

Also, since being engaged, I’ve noticed a lot of “harmless” flirting from guys or guy friends. I guess because I’m obviously off-limits, no one feels threatened, and it’s just nice or fun.

Post # 13
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hard for me to say really. DH’s friends jokingly flirt with me all the time. I never take it seriously. If you feel like a line has been crossed then talk to your SO about it.

Post # 14
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In my opinion, it is up to the person being flirted with (in this case you), to shut down the flirting – not your husband. Having him tell his buddy reeks of “she’s my property”. But you’re capable of shutting it down yourself.

It’s hard to know exactly how to handle it because you haven’t said what he was doing, but my usual way is the cold shoulder. If we’re standing up, I move away. If we’re sitting down, I direct my attention to someone else.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m outspoken so I’d say something like “DUDE, what the fu*k man?” in a joking but dead serious type of way… he’d quickly get the point. 

Post # 16
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsTee:  That’s awkward, but I guess if your husband wasn’t bothered by it maybe it’s not too big of a deal. I’d keep an eye on that friend in future scenarios. Something similar has happened to me. FSIL’s ex boyfriend (at the time they were still together) was a really cool guy. But I started noticing he was really flirty and pushing the envelope with me. It went from little jokes and picking on me to actually touching me. Like he would try to wrestle me and grab me from behind, and we didn’t have that type of relationship so it was clearly something else. And when I pointed it out to Fiance he shrugged it off. Lol, I just kept a safe distance from him aftet that. I knew Fiance would never be able to fathom this guy who he’d grown so close with over the years would actually try to get at me right under his nose. But stranger things have happened!

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