Post # 1
Some of you Bees may remember about my separation going on now past 2.5 years.
I finally starting feeling since the last month or so that I am ready for a new relationship. I do have a DS from the previous marriage who is under 5 years old.
My ex-hole husband is dragging me through the court system and nothing is done even now (custody, access, equalization, you name it.) I do not have a lawyer because I cannot afford one. I can afford consultations here and there, which is what I do prior to attending court. Ex-hole hasn’t divulged his finances, and is hiding income (which I was able to confirm via 3rd party sources but cannot be used as evidence).
I get the feeling this song and dance will go on for several more years.
I am getting depressed every time I have a court date because it’s always something or other.
I feel like I am not able to ‘move on’ and be with a new person until all this chapter is OFFICIALLY closed. So, I had waited, and did whatever I could to speed up the process, then waited some more. Now close to 3 years later, I don’t see any lights or tunnels anytime soon.
Should I go ahead and put myself out there now or continue waiting and going through the court system for several more years?
How soon after your relationship/marriage breakdown did you wait to put yourself out there? Especially if you had small child/ren?
Post # 2
My husband left me in 2011. I’m still not divorced! I finally started dating 1.5 years after he left and 3 years ago I agreed to let my boyfriend of 2 years move in because I realized the divorce wasn’t happening anytime soon and I might as well move on with my life.
Only you know when the time is right.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
I started dating before my divorce was final. Though mine with amicable. I started with just casual dating after we were physically separated and met someone serious the month after my divorce was final, which took about 10 months. He’s now my fiancé 2 1/2 years later.
I’d say be up front about your separated status. Stop referring to him as your ex a-hole, as that just makes you seem bitter. I have been divorced twice and my first divorce was DEVASTATING. I dated casually after being separated a while but it wasn’t terribly heathy. I wasn’t ready but I was lonely. It helped. Therapy helped more. I married my second husband only 2 years after my first divorce. This was a mistake, a rebound even. I needed much longer to heal and ended up marrying a nice guy that was wrong from me and me for him. It was partially motivated by the fear of being alone and never wanted again. Don’t fall into that trap.
Post # 4
Like the previous poster, I started dating my now-husband when I was separated from my ex. Our divorce was amicable and finalized about 3 months after my current husband and I made our relationship official, so obviously my situation doesn’t mirror yours in that regard. He was freshly divorced, as well, with two children.
If you feel ready, then go for it. You don’t have to put your life on hold for the forseeable future, you’re allowed to start moving on. I do think it’s very important to be honest about your situation with any potential dating partners. Let them make an informed decision about entering into a relationship with you knowing what you’re currently dealing with.
Post # 5
Supernurse : Did either you or your new beau have kids?
sharkey38 : Thanks bee. Just wanted to clarify that he is an ‘ex-hole‘ only on these boards. Otherwise he is ‘[LO’s name] dad’.
I am very frustrated that he is dragging this case on and on and won’t give up his finances.
wineosaur : Good to hear. Just wondering, how old were his children? And was his ex difficult?
Post # 6
queenie8119 : Yes, and she continues to be difficult 3 years later lol. But it has gotten better. His children were 11 and 7 when we started dating.
Post # 7
I started dating about a year after my separation from my husband, about 2 months before my divorce was final. At that point, we had been living apart for a year with no hope or expectation of reconciliation, so I felt no guilt in moving on. My divorce was finalized the day after my new boyfriend (now husband) made Valentine’s dinner for me at his house.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I started casually dating too soon after my separation but I was always honest about my status. I met my Fiance 11 months after my separation and 7 months after my divorce was final. I would just be honest with anyone you date, and don’t bash your ex to your dates. The reason Fiance was comfortable with us building a relationship so soon after my divorce was that I had done the emotional work and wasn’t still angry or bitter about it. If you’re still working through the ending of your last relationship, it’s not time to start a new one yet. But if the only thing still being worked out is the divorce details, I’d say go ahead and dip your toe back in the dating pool!