(Closed) How soon is too soon for a divorce?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

If abuse or infidelity is not involved, I don’t believe in throwing in the towel, period, unless it’s very clear that things will never get better.

Post # 4
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I second Statutory Grape’s comment in it’s entirerty.

Post # 5
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Divorce is not much of an option for me… I would have to get an annulment from the Catholic Church. Which is not easy to get. Basically a decree that the marriage never “took.” Granted there are certain circumstances (abuse etc) where it is really better to get a civil divorce and get the heck out of there. The Bible doesn’t say you have to LIVE with the person.

Of course a lot of people do not have a religious issue. In which case, I think it really has to be one of the big A’s (Abuse, Addiction, Adultery) to give up on a marriage before the 12 month mark. I think in most circumstances you should try at least a year’s worth of counseling before throwing in the towel. Overall I think divorces are too easy to get, although there would be a lot of suffering if they were too HARD to get…

 

Post # 7
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@snake: ugh I hate that… marriage as “you stuck around long enough so I guess we should get married, since that’s the next thing to do.” ugh ugh ugh!!! I wonder how many divorces spring directly from relationships like that!

Post # 8
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

Well, I was married previously for 10 months, but he was physically and mentally abusive.  I should have left a lot sooner than I did, but I was determined to “make it work.”

This time around, as long as it’s not abuse, I will stick it out through anything.  I think I would even stick it out through adultery.

 

Post # 9
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Magdalena:

Just as an FYI– the Catholic Church, does grant annulments for a variety of reasons, and certainly for “the big A’s (Abuse, Addiction, Adultery)”, because those reasons are generally considered proof that there was a “defect in the consent exchanged between the partners”.   

No one should feel trapped in an abusive relationship because of religion. 

Post # 10
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

There are actually laws in some countries that require you to stay married for a certain length of time before you can be granted a divorce.  I think Australia is one of them (one of my friends was subject to this a long time ago), but I’m not certain.  I happen to agree with @StatuatoryGrape on this as well, but I am definately more of a traditionalist.  Did anyone catch on the last crazy Bridezilla episode one girl saying she needed everything perfect because it was her first wedding?  Yes, she actually said first.  My Fiance was like “WTH did she just say? Yikes!”.

Post # 11
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Magdalena: Some sociologists have dubbed this “sliding,” and it can help to explain some of the high divorce statistics. Couples are “sliding” into long term commitment, rather than seriously reflecting and deciding that it is right for them. The momentum of the relationship and (American, at least) culture expect long term relationships to culminate in marriage, so it makes sense for these couples.

Post # 12
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Excluding “the big A’s”, what happens in a relationship that so drastically changes your view of another person in such a short amount of time (ie, loving someone so much that you marry them to divorcing so soon)? Is it that people just don’t take marriage seriously enough?

For me, I’m with @statutory grape.

Post # 13
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I have a friend who was separated and getting a divorce in about two months.  He married a girl in a Latin rite mass at a Catholic church the Saturday following Thanksgiving.  They were separated and getting a divorce by Valentine’s day.  She left him.  I think she wanted to be a bride, but didn’t want to be married.  The wedding ceremony had a very negative tone to it, and looking back on the event, I think that the priest knew that it wasn’t a good situation, and was hoping that someone would run at the altar.  My friend was an honorable guy, I’m not sure if it was the fact that he had made the proposal or possibly that  he had been in a physical relationship with her, and felt that he was honor bound to the committment, but I know that he seemed terribly nervous during the ceremony.  I thought that was awfully fast to get a divorce, but understood that he wasn’t the one who left.  I think in some ways my friend was fortunate that she didn’t waste more of his time.  I think that the interesting part of this is that when I look at the photos of this wedding… he is never smiling when she is in the photo…  He looks stressed and/ or nervous whenever she is in the frame of the photo.  There are only two photos that his natural smile shines through… one with me and his best man, and another when he is with his parents.  (We’ve been lifelong friends who are more like brother and sister than anything else.)  At his second wedding, I knew things were very good when I saw his smile shine brightly as he talked about his beautiful bride, and especially when they smiled for a photo!  The second wedding was also in a Catholic church, and it was lovely. 

Post # 14
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think everyone has their own story that we might not understand b/c we haven’t been there. For me, it would take a lot to divorce. But that doesn’t mean they haven’t gone through a lot in a short time.

Post # 15
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@artbee – very well put.

Post # 16
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Grape’s statement.

I also agree with art bee’s statement! I do think that no one can fully understand another person’s circumstances and story unless they are living it themselves.

That said, I have a college friend who got married right out college. She pushed and pushed to have her college Boyfriend or Best Friend propose and get married right after college. She kicked him out after 2 years of marriage. I do not agree with her decision. There was no abuse, she simply did not like the person that he was (and he was always that person…very quiet and introverted).

I have since learned that she did not want to try marriage counseling and at my wedding she was telling everyone how she hopes her current boyfriend proposes soon. She has been officially divorced 3 weeks and kicked her husband out just last October. Sorry to ramble, but I do think that she didn’t try hard enough to make her marriage work.

Sorry for the rant! 🙂

The topic ‘How soon is too soon for a divorce?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors