(Closed) How Soon Is Too Soon? [intro post]

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@OkieHeart:  I think you answered your own question. The two of you are the ones who determine how soon too soon is. If the rate at which things are happening are comfortable for both of you, then no need to worry!! You’re both adults, not young kids, I would expect things to move a bit quicker than it would for some teens. I am excited to hear that you’re in love! Love is fantastic isn’t it? (: Congrats on everything! Hopefully, you will move from the waiting board to the propsal board soon enough! Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree that you answered your own question!   I fully believe that when you know you know.

And if it makes you feel better… My bf and I met on match.com in August.  We talked about moving in together this summer…he moved in in december. And we will hopefully be engaged soon.  Everyone moves at different paces and it’s up to you to figure out what works best for both of you!

Post # 5
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with the ^2 posts!  No one can tell you when the time is right, only you 2 can know that, and it sounds like you do.  πŸ˜‰

My Fiance and I have known each other (as coworkers) for about 2 years.  We went on our first date August 1, 2011.  I moved in with him early November 2011.  We got engaged Christmas Eve 2011 and we are getting married June 2, 2012. 

Of course, people have said we are crazy and moving too fast, but I have been married before and I had known my 1st husband for 6 years before we got married and he turned out to not be the man I thought he was.  What I’m trying to say is the amount of time you know someone doesn’t really equate to how well you might know them!  I feel like my Fiance and I are somehow connected deeper than I have ever been connected with anyone, and I KNOW he’s THE ONE! 

I’m SO excited to be marrying this man who is my best friend, soulmate, my other half!  Just 25 more (LONG) days to go!

I wish you both all the best and just know that no matter what anyone else says to you, there are always bees on this board that understand you and support you!  <3

Post # 6
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wish you the best!

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

In a previous life I would have said maybe it’s too soon, but as the others say, when you know, you know. My Darling Husband and I only dated really for about a year, and that was long distance mostly. It was the best decision ever to get married!

We also just had dinner with another couple (older than us) who got engaged within 2 weeks of knowing each other, married 5 months after that, and are about to celebrate their 24th wedding anniversary. And are very clearly still very much in love.

Good luck to you! 

Post # 8
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@goldie.girl:  I was with my first husband for 5 years before getting married too.  I loved being engaged but was terrified to get married….should’ve listened to my gut!  DH were together a little over 2 years.

 

OP, I agree with PPs that only you both know.  I’m mid-30’s also and I think you have more “life experience” and can make faster decisions because you know who you are.  

Post # 9
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Go for it!  when you know, you know.  I met Fiance on okcupid too!  we had an instant connection and a 97% match which you know isn’t all that typical on that site.  He is my best friend.  we spent 8 hours on the phone one night and went on our first date the next night and have been inseperable ever since, after four months i officially moved in with him.  Fiance proposed on my birthday after a year and 4 months together but we knew right away what we had found.  when he proposed he asked me to be his penguin πŸ™‚  follow your heart.

Post # 10
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@OkieHeart:  I’m going to disagree…slightly. Even though you both are in your mid 30s it doesn’t mean 3 months of being with someone is any longer than if you were 25. I do however think there is a difference when you meet the person you will marry, but honestly – who can ever really be 100% sure it’s right forever. 

Ultimately, it is your decision. No one can make that choice for you. Yes you are both older, and probably more aware of who you both are as individuals, but relationships change and evolve and if it were me i’d want to make sure we could get through a few hard spots first and see how you work together in different areas of life and more importantly in your relationship πŸ™‚

This is coming from someone who has jumped in quickly myself, luckily we weren’t married (or even engaged) but i thought it was everything i wanted…luckily I only moved interstate to be with him after being relocated for work. I was sure it was right, but time made me see it differently…

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think in general 1-3 years is enough time to know.  More if you start dating very young, less if you are a bit older.  But each couple is different!  I would only say 3 months is too short in most cases because you want to see th Emerson outside of those first few months where people are often still presenting their “best” selves instead of their “full” selves.  Ideally you have enough time to really know what you are getting.  

Post # 12
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Welcome to the board! My parents met September 1, broke up at thanksgiving, got engaged before Valentine’s day and married on Labor Day. My future inlaws were almost the same– started dating in June, engaged in February, married in July. Both are still happily married with a grand total of 8 children and almost 8 grandkids (and more to come). So I say, why wait?

Post # 13
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@OkieHeart:  I met my Fiance online too and after the first few dates (actually after the 1st) we both knew this was it! We were talking marriage very early on, travelled internationally after 5 months and moved in after 6 months. We would have been engaged soon after if it wasnt for unforseen financial problems. So I say go with your heart! πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
31 posts
Newbee

My parents dated for 6 weeks before they got engaged.  They have been together 41 years this year and the way they look at each other sometimes…well, it’s amazing.  Look, its different for everyone.  I was with my ex for 8 years before we got engaged and we didnt last.  If it feels right for you, then maybe it’s because it IS right! πŸ˜‰

If there is one thing I’ve learned, there are no guarantees in life.

…and really, do we ever REALLY know anyone? We see what we want to see and what they want us to see.  That’s all.

Trust your gut.

I wish you all the best, and I’m very excited for you that things are going so well! πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I say “if you have to ask…” 

Personally, I want to give myself enough time to get over the initial butterflies before I marry someone?  I don’t think I’ll ever not be excited to be with my Fiance, but we had to get out of that phase where we thought the other person could do no wrong and we’d never disagree.  We’re getting married 20 months after we started dating, but we’ve also been friends for 10 years.  

If you want to live together before you marry him, that’s a good step towards learning more about him and ensuring that you’re compatible!  (We aren’t doing this, but if you’re impatient to keep things going, it could work for you!)

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