Post # 1
Hi bees, this might be a silly question but I’m genuinely curious what the etiquette is surrounding engagement announcements. My cousin is getting married next month. My boyfriend and I are actively talking about marriage, have designed and ordered the ring which will be available to be picked up in 2 weeks(!!) and have a timeline of being engaged by next July (although I think he will propose much earlier than that.) However, I am so nervous about him proposing too soon after my cousin’s wedding and people thinking that we’re trying to steal her thunder. I also want my family to be excited for me and not assume we’re getting engaged because we want to be next. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for the past 18 months.
I know I’m probably overthinking this but I’m considerably worried about my family’s reactions. So Bees, what do you think is the appropriate amount of time between my cousin’s wedding and getting engaged? Should this even be something I’m concerning myself with?
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
You are over thinking it. You do you. Your cousin will be fine no matter when you get engaged. (maybe just don’t get engaged on her wedding day).
Post # 3
Don’t worry about it. Once her wedding is over you are free and clear to do it whenever. Her moment will be over and most likely she will be focused on her honeymoon, and writing thank you notes, etc. to care what your doing.
People get engaged all the time. My fiancé’s good friend got engaged 3 months before us and we are getting married 6 months before their wedding. My friend got engaged a week after me and I had two cousins get married last week within a week of each other.
Post # 4
There is no such things as “thunder.” You can’t steal it it. Unless you get engaged at somebody else’s wedding (or probably at their rehearsal dinner or at their birthday party) then there is NO amount of time you need to wait to get engaged and anounce your engagement. You should not concern yourself with it in the slightest. People have a right to have their lives go on. Nobody gets to bask in being the center of attention for some proscribed period of days. They get the length of their ceremony and reception (and maybe the brunch the next day if they do that.) (Frankly, as you will learn, you aren’t *really* the center of attention even at your own wedding. People are still busy leading their own lives, as they should be.)
(Don’t get engaged at somebody else’s wedding without checking with them first. That IS rude. Though also very obviously not what you had in mind!)
Post # 5
You are definitely overthinking it. Your cousin’s relationship has no bearing on your own.
I was in a similar situation. My cousin got married in Feb 2017, by then my now husband had already bought my ring and we had been actively discussing marriage for a while, he proposed the following month, March 2017.
In my experience, no one thought we were trying to copy my cousin or ‘be the next one’, people were genuinely happy for us.
Post # 6
Don’t announce your engagement over her wedding weekend. That’s it. Definitely overthinking.
Post # 7
Agreed with all of the above posters. As long as you don’t get engaged, or announce your engagement, at your cousin’s wedding (or wedding-related events, such as the rehearsal or brunch), then you are fine!
Post # 8
My fiancé and I got engaged 6 weeks after his brother did. I don’t think you need to worry about getting engaged after your cousins wedding. I’m sure she and the rest of your supporters will be ecstatic for you!
Post # 9
Like the other bees said— I think as long as you don’t get engaged at her wedding (+/- 1 day) then it’s no big deal. If you guys are ready for an engagement, go for it! The engagement is about you and your FH- no need to worry about what others will think.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Once your cousin’s wedding is over you’re good, don’t worry!!
Post # 11
Honestly, you are overthinking it. As long as you don’t get engaged the day of your cousin’s wedding no one will think you are trying to steal their thunder. Sounds like an exciting time bee, I look forward to seeing your announcement.
Post # 12
Thank you everyone for your responses! I am feeling much more at ease now and trying my best to enjoy the waiting experience!
Post # 13
Thankfully I have no cousins, and my brothers are single Pringles. So no worrying about this for me, but id say you shouldn’t worry either! As others said already, just avoid her wedding day and I think it’ll be perfectly fine! Congratulations bee! I’m waiting for my proposal too, it’s an exciting yet nervous time!
Post # 14
as long as its not during your cousins wedding or announced at the wedding then any time is fine, our lives arent based of other peoples and we shouldnt wait for anything, I’m sure your family wont think anything bad.
Post # 15
Your cousin get’s one day, her wedding day. She’s already had her engagement. I certainly wouldn’t get engaged and announce the week before her wedding…but anything after is totally fine. I got married at the end of September and my brother proposed to his wife that Christmas. They then got married the following October just a few weeks after my 1st anniversary.