(Closed) How soon is too soon to choose a bridal party?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I "propose" to my MOH now or wait until the wedding is closer?
    Now : (7 votes)
    22 %
    Later : (25 votes)
    78 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee

    If you’re VERY sure on your decision, it probably is best to ask now.  If you’re that close to the person, they are probably going to be worrying about whether you will ask them or not!

    You could always preface it by saying that you know its a long time away, wont be doing too much prep for awhile, and understand if its too early for them to commit, but that you’d really love them to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Chances are the person will get excited and say yes right away 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    5498 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would wait. Relationships can change in 2 years. If you think your Maid/Matron of Honor will expect it, and be waiting to get asked, maybe mention that you’re holding off on planning for awhile so you can enjoy being engaged.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    When a close friend of mine got married, she made the mistake of choosing her Maid/Matron of Honor immediately (and making that choice known) and not choosing any BMs.  I was very hurt that she had not chosen me and we had a little bit of a fall out because she asked me like 2 months before her wedding!  We had a big fight and I didn’t even go.

    Looking back, that whole thing was really juvenile but it also shows that it really mattered to me. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2767 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I’d wait.  I know that people who rush into these things always regret their decisions later on.  Relationships change over time.  2 years from now do you think you will still be close with this friend?

    If the Maid/Matron of Honor is your sister or best friend your entire life then go ahead and ask her since she probably isn’t going anywhere.  But if she is a friend from college and you are just getting done with college then I would wait.  Relationships change during those transition periods and the last thing you want to be stuck with is a Maid/Matron of Honor who won’t be friends with you after the wedding.

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would wait.  You still have 2 years until your wedding and you never know if something might happen in your relationship with your friend that would make it awkward to have her in your wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Even if you don’t expect to have a falling out, I would still wait.  What if something else changes- what if she moves aborad and won’t be able to come back?  What if she gets pregnant and is put on bed rest or something?  Plus, your ideas may change as you get into the planning process.  I would wait to a year to six months out before you ask.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    I would wait. As much as you don’t see your relationship changing over the next two years, it absolutely could. My fiance and I made the mistake of asking our Bridal Party too early, and we really regret it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I say wait. I don’t regret asking my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she’s busy with other things in her life that have come up and I don’t want her to feel oligated to do x y and z (where x y and z are typical Maid/Matron of Honor duties). 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1049 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1998

    I asked too soon and I was shocked at how much my realtionships have changed over 2 years. One of my BMs – my supposed best friend – is no longer speaking to me, and I have several people who I now wish were included. I’d wait a little while.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i didn’t even know my moh that well 2 years ago, but now there was no question to fi and me that she would be my moh. i’d wait.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would wait. Like others have said, a lot can change in 2 years! Even if you dont have a fallling out..what if one of you moves and it is a harder commitment for her because you are far away? What if things in her life come up that change the relationship? What if over the next 2 years you become really close with someone else that you cant foresee right now? I would say what until about a year beforehand. At that time, if you and her are still the same, then ask her!

    Post # 14
    Member
    231 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    It depends on your relationship.  I have known my Maid/Matron of Honor my entire life, so it was never a question.  I was the bride that chose my bridesmaids too early though.  One of the girls I asked was dating my fiance’s brother, then cheated on him (while he was deployed in Iraq), and stopped talking to me.  At least she kinda kicked herself out I guess lol.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m asking sooner rather than later. I’ve never been a “new friend” type of person – I have a few close friends, and they’ve been around a long time. I’ve met new acquaintances, co-workers, etc, that I would consider friends, but I know myself well enough to know that my Maid/Matron of Honor now will still be my pick in 2 years. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    yea i say ask now… and of course if the two of you have a MAJOR fall out she probably isn’t going to want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore anyway so changing it won’t hurt her feelings and if after the fall out if she does still want to do it she might be the best choice becuase that is a real friend. She’s not willing to let one fall out stop her from being there on the  most important day of your life. advance notice gives people a chance to plan

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