How soon is too soon to get engaged/married?

posted 1 month ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee

I think whether the relationship is ready for engagement and marriage is less about time and more about what experiences you’ve had in your prior relationships and as a couple.  

Have you met each other’s families?  Have you traveled together?  Have you had a big disagreement or two?  Have you been through periods of acute stress?  Have you lived together?  Have you discussed the big topics like finances, children, and other values? 

Post # 32
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I think if you are both in your late 20s that 1 year isn’t too soon to talk seriously about marriage. I do think it’s nice to date for a while, be engaged for a while and then get married. 

I had been with my husband for 2.5 years when he proposed and 3.5 years when we got married. I was 24 when we got engaged and 25 when we got married. He was 29/30. I’ve always been mature for my age and ready to commit. 

I agree with some PP that a huge part of being ready isn’t just age but maturity. 

Post # 33
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think time is the main factor in if you’re ready to get engaged, I think a couple who’ve been together 18 months and lived together for most of that are in a better position to get married than a couple who’ve been together three years but have never lived together and only see each other a few days a week. It depends on if you’ve been through difficult or hard times, whether the honeymoon stage is well and truly over, if you’ve spent enough time living together to know whether you’re compatiable, if your communication is great and you know you’re aligned on your life goals and values, if you’ve argued and you can argue properly (never arguing is a bad sign imo). There’s too many factors to say when is the right time, but it’s more likely that you’ve not experienced enough and got to know each other well enough if you’ve been together a year rather than two or three. 

Post # 34
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I am going to go against the grain and say that I think 1 year is enough.  It might not be for some people and their situations, but you are in your late 20s and you obviously seem ready to commit.  If you were 19-21ish I would be a little more skeptical, but I am in the “when you know you know” camp.

Post # 35
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Have you guys worked through the insecurities you were having regarding his past? If not, I’d wait. That seems like a really big deal.

Post # 36
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think every relationship is different and ready at different stages. I’ve had several  relationships that went on for years but never felt right to get engaged. Then my fiancé and i got engaged at about 9 months and are getting married about 18 months after meeting. We are stable, happy and past the honeymoon phase but still at peace with our decision. 

Age definitely has something to do with it though… as has how many people you’ve dated… means you have more experience to judge this relationship by. 

Post # 37
Member
12 posts
Newbee

My take on this is different. I was once in a very long term relationship of eleven years! In those eleven years we still weren’t ready to be married. Eight years into our relationship, shit hit the fan! Our relationship turned for the worse and obviously we weren’t right for each other to make it work. That was eight years in! Not two years or three years! 

 

To me its not the duration of time, it’s when you know, you know! 

 

 

Post # 39
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I’ve read all the responses and I’d like to add my 2 cents since I think I have a unique perspective on this. My husband and I were engaged at 6 months and married just over a year after we met, at ages 23 and 24. We’ve now been married for 9 months. I am so happy with our marriage and how it has turned out, but I honestly wouldn’t recommend such a short timeline for most people. It didn’t feel so crazy while it was all happening as quick engagements are the norm in two communities we’re both heavily involved in – conservative Christian (my background, though I don’t necessarily still identify with that community) and military (my husband is in the navy). In retrospect, I realize that one year from meeting to marriage is, honestly, pretty insane. I hardly had time to catch my breath during the whole process. And the reality is that for most people, one year isn’t enough time to adequately assess whether or not someone will make a good life partner, and many who do marry quickly end up divorced.

 

However, coming from experience, the heart wants what it wants, so if you choose to go forward, what really helped us was engagement and marriage prep. We read: 101 Questions to Ask Before You’re Engaged, the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (HIGHLY recommend), For Men Only and For Women Only (also very good), and did online premarital counseling (Prologue by Gary Chapman). We also had a session with a pastor. By doing all of this, we intentionally and systemically tried to get to better know each other, figure out future sources of conflict, learn how to better love each other, and make sure that we were on the same page in terms of life plans and goals. Doing all of that helped us tremendously, and I can still see the positive effects of doing all that even today. 

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you are very happy. And no matter what, try to be intentional with your partner if you are intent on marriage – do what you can to prepare your hearts, minds and souls for a lifetime commitment. Best of luck. 

Post # 40
Member
26 posts
Newbee

nyrame :  No. No. No. Your age does NOT define whether it is too soon to get married. I know people who got married in 2 weeks, and some that were together 5+ years before getting engaged. If you feel like its right, DO IT. Do not let anybody tell you that it is too soon. This is your life and you do not have to explain yourself to anybody. 

Post # 41
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I think it depends on you and your SO’s personalities as much as it does the calendar.  Some people open up to others quickly and fully, others take time.  I, personally, think that you should follow your heart.  

Post # 42
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

nyrame :  I don’t think that is too soon.  I dated my Fiance a little over a year before he proposed.  With wedding planning we will have been together a little over 2 years before getting married.  Someone told us that we were rushing as well.  I don’t think its rushing because we both know what we want, plus we are in our late 20s.  We have both awlays wanted marriage, just had a hard time finding the one.

Post # 43
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

1 year is definitely enough. We dated for 11 months, got engaged, then got married 11 months later. When you know, you know 🙂

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors