(Closed) How soon is too soon to get engaged?!

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

bluecandy :  haha I’ll take good sex over good cooking any day!

I actually wrote that based on a thread that was started about a month ago. A woman married a guy after two months of dating cause he claimed he was a good cook. So she invited all of her family over for a dinner party after they were married. It was the first time he cooked for her, and she was devastated because he made crunchy noodles and dry chicken LOL. 

Post # 17
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

brittnamrogo :  WHAT.

The only person I would marry for their cooking ability is Ina Garten. (I love you Ina!  Please adopt me.)

Post # 18
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

missviolet92 :  I don’t see a problem with it if both people involved know themselves, are realistic in their expectations and are willing to work to having a good relationship. Plenty of people wait a decent amount of time to get to know their partner before marriage and still have a marriage that leads to divorce.

My husband was supposed to be my husband. I don’t think it would have made a difference if we got married at 6 months or at 6 years like we did. We also didn’t live together before marriage which seems to be divisive amongst people too but it worked fine for us.

 

 

Post # 19
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I kind of side eye getting engaged after less than a year of dating. 

I know that everyone is different but how do you know after so little time? 

People pretend to be things they’re not and that’s way too easy to maintain in 6 months. 

 

Post # 20
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

missviolet92 :  

The big advantage to taking time is that you get to see your person in a wide variety of situations and see how they handle themselves under different kinds of stressors.

You can avoid some truly ugly surprises that way.

So, the people who have known each other for several years prior to dating have probably gotten at least somewhat of a more realistic assessment of each other.

Post # 21
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

We got engaged 8 months to the day after our first date. However, we also moved in together 3.5 months in because I had changed jobs and was moving, so we have had an “unorthodox” progression. We also have the same views on every major topic and the majority of smaller ones, and we have examples in our family of long term marriage coming from a short courtship. My parents were engaged a year into dating and married a year later, they have been married for 28 years now. His parents dated for 7 months before engagement and got married two months later. They just celebrated their 42nd anniversary last Sunday. I think it really matters that it feels right for that particular couple. 

Post # 22
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

APancakePrincess :  not when you’re living together! Haha all the bad habits come out when you move in. 

Post # 23
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

 I personally wouldn’t have gotten married before two years of dating and a few test drives in the sack. We ended up getting married after four years together. 

Of course, I don’t expect anyone else to live by my personal rules, and don’t impose them on anyone else. Each person can find their own happiness in whatever time they want. I may secretly side eye them if it’s under a year, but as long as they’re in a happy and healthy relationship, I support them.

Post # 24
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

In most cirumstances, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t wait at least two years to get married. There is little to be gained from rushing. I think you should do everything in your power to make sure that marrying this particular person is the right decision, which means taking your time to get to know one another (including living together*), and most importantly, be out of the ‘honeymoon phase’.

Marriage is already risky (if you look at the divorce statistics) so I’d do anything to reduce that risk. 

 

*In my opinion

 

Post # 25
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I know people who only dated for a few weeks and have been married for decades. I know people who dated for years and lived together and got divorced shortly after they married. My husband and I were together for 11 months before we got engaged (would have been sooner but had to meet his family first). We got married less than 6 months later.  It was a LDR the whole time. We have been married for almost 2 years and I’m due with our first child in 2 months. We couldn’t be happier. 🙂

Post # 26
Member
3087 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

Met at 21, engaged after 4 months, married a year later so 16 months after meeting. Did not want to live together before marriage but ended up doing it for about 5 months prior to the wedding. I can say after 12+ years of marriage, living together didn’t reveal a single thing I didn’t already know. We both grew up in church but didn’t get married quickly for any reasons related to religion. We had sex before marriage for those of you wondering. Lol. 

Our marriage has been rocky to say the least, but all the red flags were flying way before the wedding. I love my husband and our marriage is better than ever but it’s been a long road. 

My parents also married 16 months after meeting and they’re coming up on 38 years in November. 

On the flip side, I had an aunt who was living with her boyfriend for over a decade and they got married and were filing for divorce within 6 months. Somehow the piece of paper changed their whole mindsets. So bizarre if you ask me. 

Echoing PPs, no right answer. To each their own, and no two stories are alike. I agree that a lot of really young couples decide to get married to rush the sex, and it often ends in divorce or they stay together because they don’t believe in divorce and live in misery. Sad really. 

Post # 27
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

I got engaged 1 week after meeting face to face and about 2 months after online dating.

My nanna was engaged after 2 weeks. (their lives are a romantic movie I swear)

 

it’s up to individuals. honestly I’m shocked I’m engaged and is probably normally as it’s too soon. I’m 27 he is 35.

I’ve been married before and it resulted in me fleeing Domestic Violence. I’ve had a few relationships last a few years. I identified some issues early which ended up panning out as I thought they would. I worked in AOD and DV services for years so I feel I get a good read on people …

“when you know you know” it’s cheesy AF and I hate to say it but uh…. there you have it!

I was actually anti marriage for awhile too. 🤷‍♀️

 

Post # 28
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

I strongly think that living together prior to marraige is the best way to deeply know someone and their subconscious. I grew up in a very religious household, but somehow living together before marriage was something my parents thought was best, so it wasn’t ever stigmatised. 

Post # 29
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I’m in two minds on this. 

On one hand I’d never marry someone I’ve not lived with. 

On the other hand. I moved in with my partner after being together for a month and a half. And only “knowing” him for three months. We’re still happily living together and if he proposed today I’d marry him in a heartbeat. 

I think it works for different people. 

Post # 30
Member
1965 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

We are both very religious and we dated for 7 years, I only wanted to get engaged when I graduated from university and we got married one year later, when we both had full time jobs in our fields and we were happy with our professional life.

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