(Closed) How soon is too soon to get engaged?!

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Technically I wasn’t even dating my fiance when we got engaged. We had dated previously (he was my high school sweetheart and we were on and off for almost a decade) and we decided to stop screwing around and fighting the inevitable. I don’t regret our history and the way the engagement happened for a second. It’s who we are.

We may think someone is crazy, and maybe they are a few cents short of a nickel. But sometimes, when you know you just know. And if they’re wrong, well, they’ll pay the price for it in some way down the road.

Post # 32
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think there is a right answer here. I have seen people date for 7+ years, get married and then divorce within the first few years. I have also seen people get married the second time they met (my grandparents..not an arranged marriage) and stay together for the rest of their lives (she was a bartender in  Vegas, he was a truck driver. Came into her bar one night and then they started writing each other letters and talking on the phone, next time he came through town they got married and she moved across the country to live with him. They were together 30 years until he passed away.) My parents were together for a grand total of 9 months on their wedding day.. My husband and I were together 9 months on our wedding day as well. I think it depends more on the couple.

Post # 33
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

The answer to this question will vary by couple. I know people who married after knowing each other for 3 months, and people who waited 5+ years to marry. In my case, I dated my XH for 6 years before we got engaged. Our marriage lasted 2 years. 

Post # 34
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

From DTR to marriage should be 2 years minimum – longer if you didn’t know each other before you got together.

Date for at least 12 months before getting engaged and have at minimum a 7 or 8 month engagement – longer if you want, especially if you didn’t know eachoter before dating or you only dated for 12 months before getting engaged!

If there’s not a logistical challenge I feel like 3 years is kinda the cap on just dating.

Caveat: This assumes you start dating after you’ve finished your core education and this is also coming from someone who doesn’t believe in living or sleeping together until marriage – which typically leads to shorter times of dating/engagement. 

Post # 35
Member
2514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Different for everyone, and I think not only length of time matters but also age. Ex) 2 mid 30 Y/O’s date for a year and get engaged vs. 2 early 20 Y/O’s date for a year and get engaged. Maturity level is extremely important (not necessarily correlated with age). 

I wouldn’t marry someone without living with them first but I know a lot of people chose that path. I also wouldn’t have gotten married before 25 personally either. I wanted to be out of college and have my own career before getting married. Those were just my personal goals. 

Post # 36
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

whiteheadtobe :  

I disagree. 

I moved in with my fiance after 3 months and the relationship at year 2 was different than at year 1. 

Besides the idea that it’s hard to get to know someone well enough to determine if you want to be together forever in 1 year, you also have all that new relationship energy or your in the honeymoon stage, however you want to say it. 

It’s different for everyone though and I totally get that.  

 

 

Post # 37
Member
3096 posts
Sugar bee

I think there are so many factors that go into a successful relationship (and what defines successful anyways) that you can just state a random amount of time and have that fit the mold for all relationships.

I think understanding compatibility is much more important than the amount of time you spend with that person.  

 

 

Post # 38
Member
2456 posts
Buzzing bee

My mom and dad met in August and married the following October. They were married almost 40 years when he died.

Mom always said she “knew” what she wanted, so I guess Dad did too.

If you’re a grownup, nine year engagements just aren’t that necessary.

Post # 39
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

missviolet92 :  I don’t think there’s a right or wrong.  I know people in arranged marriages (and happy) who don’t believe in love matches at all. 

Darling Husband and I were together 7 years before getting married, but we moved in together within a couple of months due to circumstances outside our control. 

Statistically your more likely to last if you wait longer than a year, but though I can’t remember the statistic off the top of my head, it still works out for quite a few people. 

I do admit I judge in my head sometimes those who I see as too young or too immature moving too fast, but I’m happy to be proven wrong. 

Post # 40
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

I’ve noticed that very conservative religious couples tend to get married rather quickly. 

I wouldn’t feel comfortable accepting a proposal before a year of dating. 

Post # 41
Member
386 posts
Helper bee

Not sure there’s a right answer!

I got married near a year and a half of knowing Darling Husband, married 2 years so far (happily!)

A family member got engaged within 2 weeks of knowing her Darling Husband, married a year or so later and been married 20+ years.

I have friends dating 8+ years and nowhere near ready for marriage.

I knew within a week of meeting my Darling Husband that he was the one, we became best friends within a day and in love within a few weeks. Sometimes it clicks! But we are also of the rational mindset that if we ever stop loving eachother and cannot repair it, then we would definitely seperate. Sometimes no pressure to be miserable can make a very happy fun marriage!

Post # 42
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

When I was in Ministry School it was called “Ring by Spring”.

Pentecostals in particular seem extra enthusiastic about jumping into the marriage arena for some reason haha… it’s what most of my friends did. 

Scientifically I think they say it’s like three years before you know the finer nuisances of a person. Ultimately I think you should be together for at least a year.

I’m a much happier person in Fall and Summer than I am in Winter and Spring. 

I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 years now (I’m 27) and we are really comfortable with the fact that we work well together.

For sure it is different for everyone… but I think there is such a thing as too soon. 

Post # 43
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

in my personal opinion, you should DATE someone for at least a year and then either do a bunch of sleepovers/at least one week stay away somewhere together/combat some type of adversity together before getting engaged. 

And in my opinion you should be at least 25. That is my opinion. 

I knew of someone who got married after 3 months and they have 3 beautiful children together and have been married for well over 10 years now. They were also older. I think sometimes you just ‘know’, but honestly they were the only couple I knew about that were like that. 

I think people get married way too young when they find the first person who they are mostly compatible with without having really faced any adversity, that’s my opinion!!

 

 

Post # 44
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I honestly feel there are so many factors that when you set a timeline to it you end up just checking off boxes versus really being prepared for marriage. My fiance and I will be together 2 years by the time we get married. He is 30 and I’m 29, both have been previously married and both with children. We’ve known since the first month that this was “it” for us. I always thought the whole “you just know” line was ridiculous until I actually experienced it. That said, he and I have also known each other for 14 years now so I think that familiarity helped.

Post # 45
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

bewitched :  My cousin did this. She was 21,he was 20. They got married 9 months after their first date. So they could have sex. And then they got divorced 3 years later (honestly it wasn’t her fault though, he got into drugs and it went south fast).

 

Anyway, I got engaged at 13 months, which was soon according to all of my friends. We married on our 2 year anniversary and just celebrated our first year married! We started living together at 8 months (also soon) when we got a dog together. Not to sound cheeses, life has been perfect since we met. We knew right away that it was right for us.

The topic ‘How soon is too soon to get engaged?!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors