(Closed) How soon is too soon to pick BMs? How did you choose?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would wait until 9 months in advance personally. You never know what could happen between now and your wedding.

Do you or your Fiance have sistesr you are close with? My BMS are my 2 sisters, Fiance sister and my best friend from high school and my best friend from college.

Post # 4
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I picked way too soon. :S Like before I was engaged. Like ayear before I was engaged. I asked a girl to be in my wedding party because she was one of the people that kind of helped me and my Fiance get together, but she’s such a trouble maker..

She always starts fights, gossips about everyone, is super mean to 2 other girls in my party (whom I love, respect, and are my best friends), and she’s such a diva, that I’m too afraid to say no to her.

But I asked her FOREVER ago, like when my Fiance were just talking about getting married, and I instantly was like, aww, you’ll be in my wedding, right?

I regret it so much. She’s drama with a capitol D.

I’m just going through with it because I don’t want her to kick up dust because I kicked her out or something, and make me feel guilty or something. I want my wedding to be happy and nothing else!

Post # 6
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m about a year out, and we have both already decided on our bridal party.  A majority of our wedding party will be coming from out-of-town for the wedding, so we thought it would be a courtesy to let them know so they can save up money to come out for the wedding.  It’s only a two-hour car ride away, but for some people, gas plus hotel, and wedding attire can be a pretty large cost.

I decided on my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor, because she’s reliable and will be in town quite a bit to help with the wedding.  My other bridal attendants were chosen because they’re responsible and have been there for me during some difficult times.

I think it’s a good idea for you to think about who you want in your wedding, but I wouldn’t announce anything until you have a date, venue, and a solid idea of what you’re doing, in case things change.  It’s easier for your bridal attendants to commit to something more concrete.

Post # 7
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I picked mine in the last few weeks. I’m not worried about changing relationships with mine, though, as all but 1 are family and are stuck w/ me for life 😛 haha

Post # 8
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

i think ima wait a little longer maybe until im 9-10 months out. my fiance picked his before his deployment but i have a little more time!

Post # 9
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

Hah Im not even engaged yet and I already know who mine will be  Wink

 

My Maid/Matron of Honor will be my best friend of 16 years, I KNOW she isnt going anywhere. And they other girls I hope wont either!!

Post # 10
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So your Fiance has already asked two? Tell him to stop! He shouldn’t be asking anyone until the size of your bridal party is set.

From what you say, I would have a bridal party of one each, or two each if Fiance has already asked two. His other two friends can be ushers. Less is more when it comes to bridal parties. There are soooooo many stories on here about unreliable BMs who the bride regrets asking.

I only had two. I asked them the week I was engaged (10 months before my wedding). But then, I had them picked out about 10 years earlier 🙂 I suggest something similar, in the sense that  you should only ask girls you’ve been close to for at least 5-10 years. If that only means one Bridesmaid or Best Man, then so be it.

Post # 11
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

First of all, I wouldn’t choose until a year or less. Secondly, you really don’t have to have the same number as your groom. You should only choose the girls you feel really close to and will be close with the rest of your life. There are so many posts around here of brides being let down by their Bridesmaid or Best Man. It’s much more likely to happen if you they’re just picked as fillers. 

Who knows…in a year you may have found a new lifetime friend! 

Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I chose waaaay to early, like the night we got engaged after a few too many glasses of champange LOL & now I wish I waited.. I have one of my closest cousins, one of his cousins & my two best friends.. BUT I hurt some of my other cousins by having my FI’s cousin over them.. meanwhile I barely speak to her – i think i was so excited to be engaged i just blurted it out… Now im stuck… i would wait until a year- 9mos before asking… 

Post # 13
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I would wait until 7-8 months before the wedding to pick bridesmaids. There are 2 recurring patterns that I’ve seen in real life and on the Bee…. dress regret and bridesmaid regret. Save yourself the trouble and wait a good long while before making that decision because it is very common for friendships, even ones you’ve had since you were 5, to go through significant changes during wedding planning. Getting married is a huge change, and not every friendship will survive that change.

That said, I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor within a few weeks of us getting engaged (so about 11 months pre-wedding). She is my SIL, and is the sister I always dreamed of having. Seriously, on their wedding anniversary I thank my brother for making her part of the family. She and Teen LK were my bridal party, so keeping it small and in the family made things go very smoothly. 

Post # 14
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lovekiss “There are 2 recurring patterns that I’ve seen in real life and on the Bee…. dress regret and bridesmaid regret…Getting married is a huge change, and not every friendship will survive that change.”

Such good advice, thank you!

Post # 15
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eh, I’ve always known who mine would be. I asked within the first couple of months that we were engaged (16-18-ish months before the wedding). No regrets so far, with just under a year to go. My Maid/Matron of Honor is one of my best friends, two BMs are best friends, one is my cousin (we used to be like sisters and have been getting back in touch in the past few years after big life changes), and the last one is FI’s little sister, who’s like a little sister to me.

Post # 16
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I asked those who I didn’t know were already assuming they’d be in it the day I returned home from the trip we got engagement on and I wish I’d waited. I say wait as long as you can b/c you dont want to have to kick someone out or anything later. Not only did I end up having to have one of my favorite people step down to give my cousin her spot b/c my mom threw a fit but now I don’t want as many so I’m wishing someone would back out!

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