(Closed) How the heck do I handle this?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ack.  It sounds like you won’t be able to!  You know they will be excited and mention it, and it will end up being awkward all around 🙁 

Post # 4
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope, I think with this group it is probably an all or nothing invite. Maybe you can wait to invite any of them, and then if room on your guest list allows, invite them all at the same time.

Post # 5
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Is there any way for your parents to give a heads up to those who ARE invited and let them know to keep it quiet to spare the others’ feelings? And then if space allows for it, you can invite the rest of them?

Post # 6
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I stuck with the idea that certain friends or acquaintainces come in groups. Invite all or none. Can you just invite the group when you find out that your space accomodates ALL when other people decline? When you selectively invite; you put your parents in a difficult position especially these are regular friends that they see weekly.

Post # 8
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would forego sending them the save the dates, as I am sure your parents are telling them every up to date detail about the planning, including the date 🙂

That buys you time to see IF you can invite them, due to space constraints, etc.  As another PP stated, I say it is all or none, but again…give it a bit more time to assess which one!!

 

Post # 9
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh…I agree with PPs. I think it’s an all or nothing deal here. I would probably tend to hold back on inviting these people until you are sure all your family and close friends have been invited. 

And definitely don’t send them Save the Dates! 

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m kind of in the boat that people know when they’re a B list invite, regardless of anyone mentioning it to them ahead of time that they got their STD and invite.  I think if you want them there, go ahead and invite them if space allows.  People understand the guest list constraints of weddings- and if they don’t and are offended by a B list invite, then they simply won’t go.  

The key to doing multiple rounds of invites is timing.  You need to send your invites out far enough in advance to do a second round.  I think many people try to do 2 rounds in the same time frame as they’d typically do one round and this you can’t do tastefully.  Don’t send them an invite 2 weeks before the wedding when you get all your other RSVP ones in and you’re fine.

Post # 13
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Make ALL of them second round invites– if you already know you’ve got the space for 2, then when it gets closer you can send them an invite, and if there isn’troom for everyone, you can ask your parents to politely ask them not to bring it up– they’ve all been to weddings before, they know guest lists are the hardest part. 

Post # 15
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@peachacid:  Gah! That is SO frustrating. How many people would it add to your list to invite the whole group?

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