(Closed) How the hell do i handle THIS?!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@peonyinlove:  What in the far away hell is this crap? OP, I’m sorry but this sounds overly complicated and DRAMATIC to even contemplate taking time out of your life to attend AND your sig other isnt invited? Yea, simplye decline, send a card and keep it moving!

 

Post # 19
Member
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@peonyinlove:  I just thought of something else–wouldn’t doing a “destination potluck” create some major food handling problems? I remember having the whole Food Danger Zone speech grilled into me when I used to work at Subway in college….I hope no one far away decides to bring egg salad!

Post # 20
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@peonyinlove:  well that just sounds like an expensive trip for a not so great wedding in return. She’s saving you money by not inviting your Fiance. But, save yourself some more and decline. 

Post # 21
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@peonyinlove:  Yeah I don’t get it. I mean, sure… they aren’t being “materialistic” because they are having a “cheap” wedding… except it isn’t cheap for their guests. It’s only cheap because they are making their “guests” work. I hope they aren’t registering or expecting gifts. 

I would just say “sorry, we won’t be able to make it” and be done with it. You are planning your own wedding, so time and money are both in short supply. Plus, it just doesn’t make sense to try to bring something for a potluck when you aren’t coming straight from home. 

Post # 22
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@peonyinlove:  Honestly it sounds like she is making an excuse for something else she doesn’t want to say. Just like she was beating around the bush saying “no dates” in order for the unwanted girlfriend of a guest not to come, it sounds like she is doing that with you…maybe. Does she dislike your fiance’?? The whole situation seems weird to me. If she didn’t want someone specific to come why doesn’t she just say…hey it’s my wedding and I really don’t want your girlfriend there, instead of having no dates. Like previous posters said, I could see if she was spending $100 a plate for food,but it’s a dang potluck. It sounds like some underlying issue. If I was dealing with something this confusing I just wouldn’t go, if all of this is already so confusing, and she is already being this rude imagine how the actual wedding will be. Good luck with everything.

Post # 24
Member
47440 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@peonyinlove:  Just send your regrets.

Post # 25
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@peonyinlove:  Man, it’s really too bad you have that thing you need to do the same weekend as her wedding.  Can’t reschedule that thing you need to do because it’s very important and can’t be missed…

Post # 26
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@peonyinlove:  Yeah… I have a friend getting married (a 3 hour flight away, too!) on a Thursday because “it’s so much cheaper!”. And since they somehow believe this means everyone would of course stay the whole weekend, they are planning all these activities (which they are not paying for). So like Friday we’re supposed to go wine tasting and Saturday we’ll all have lunch at a restaurant (unhosted). Sunday we’ll go to the movies. Yeah… that’s 3-4 extra nights at a hotel, extra days for a rental car and extra meals eating out. I haven’t broken it to them yet, but we are flying in Thursday morning (the wedding is at 6pm) and flying home Friday. I got my own wedding to pay for, I ain’t paying for your wedding weekend extravaganza. 

Post # 27
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@peonyinlove:   If it were me, I’d decline the invitation.   You don’t need to offer any explanation.  If pressed for one, I’d suggest saying that you don’t accept any invitations that exclude your Fiance, no matter how important the event may be.  

Post # 29
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

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@peonyinlove:  Wooooow @ your update.  

Definitely +1 to sending the regrets.  What a tacky couple.

Post # 30
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@peonyinlove:  Yeah, they sound like real winners. Go ahead and send your regrets like you plan. I promise not to lecture you if you say something like, “So sorry we can’t attend. If you guys get your feelings hurt…meh fuck it.”

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