- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I was just thinking about this after reading *ahem* another thread and thinking that sometimes people set themselves up for a lifetime of conflict with in-laws.
How thorougly did you discuss family/in-law issues before you get married? Some items include (but not limited to, I know I am missing stuff)
– Where you will spend holidays
– Where you’ll live in proximity to family
– Senior care (nursing home vs. parents moving in with you)
– Loaning or giving family money
– Who will be allowed to be there at the birth of any children
– Who will/will not watch any possible children
– How much input parents or family members get on your lives
Most importantly – how to resolve issues with in-laws that come up, because there’s no way to anticipate them all!
Fiance and I discussed it some in pre-marital counseling but I’ve had to push to discuss some of the specifics. Not because Fiance doesn’t want to talk about it, but just because he really hasn’t thought of it much, isn’t really aware of how big of an issue it can become, and is a pretty “go with the flow” kind of guy. Doesn’t like to pre-think things too much, where as I’m over the top about it!
I also asked him to read the section out of John Gottman’s 7 Principles to a Happy Marriage book on in-laws, and I think that really got him thinking about it. It talked about how in happy marriages it is VITAL to separate from your family of origin and form your own family, always defend your wife, etc. It talked about it being important for both sides but that the problems usually come in when the husband doesn’t do it.
So, all that said – how much have you talked about it? Any additional items you have/think you should talk about that might be good ideas for us other gals to bring up?