(Closed) How to Accept a Compliment?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
435 posts
Helper bee

I know it’s hard I always had this problem too.  But, I forced myself to start  just saying “thank you” ; it’s really not as hard as I thought.  Just stop talking and smile when you say it.  Smile

Or how about “thank you” and “it’s so nice to see you here”. 

Post # 4
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

my FH and his sister have the same problem.  They get very uncomfortable and start putting themselves down.  big no no.  people perceive you the way you perceive yourself so you never want to put yourself down in front of others.

The way to accept a compliment is the same as accepting a small, unexpected gift.  Take a second to really hear what the other person is saying and then just say a simple “thank you” or “thank you so much”.  You can follow it up with “that’s very kind of you” or just leave it as is.  simple.

Post # 5
1108 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve taken to a quick “thanks!” with a smile.  It’s hard, and sometimes if you catch yourself right at the “, but…” it sounds weird.  

Most of time time my “thanks” end up sounding a bit trail-offish, maybe even insincere, which bothers me.

A lot of your acceptance is in your intonation, so try to at least keep it upbeat, even if you absolutely hate something…

Post # 6
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you don’t want to just say thank you, or compliment them back, you could think of a few interesting things about different parts of your attire to add after the thanks – “I got the idea for the hairstyle from _”, “It was hard to keep it this white with a black dog around”, “I’ve been breaking the heels in all week”.  Something to invite the person to share in your experience.  You could also ask them questions about their stuff, many people like to talk about themselves if you ask them where they got their dress, etc.  Also, practice, practice!  And awkward, if sincere and done with a smile, is far from the worst thing out there. 

Post # 7
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@100% agree with Meowkers. It really bothers me when people can’t/don’t think enough of themselves to just say “Thank you” or “That’s so sweet, thanks!”. (whether it’s consciously or subconsciously).

Post # 8
348 posts
Helper bee

Think of it this way: if you say something negative, you’re contradicting the opinion of the person who just complimented you, which is actually kind of rude!  A simple “thank you” is always fine. If you really do feel the need to minimize it somehow, you can say, “thank you, I was actually worried that it needed new highlights [or whatever] but I’m glad it doesn’t look that way to you” which doesn’t discount their opinion as much.

On your wedding day, you’ll get lots of people telling you you look beautiful, and you can reply with something like “thanks, it’s so good to see you, I’m so happy you could make it” which quickly changes the subject.  Or if you get compliments on the decorations, etc, say “thanks, I put a lot of work into it so I’m happy that you like it.”

Anyway, this is also something I had to work on doing, because of my own insecurity.  But it is actually a great feeling to be able to accept a compliment without having to put yourself down immediately.

Post # 10
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think I usually add some sort of statement after my thanks. About clothes, it usually involves me saying it was on sale at Ross or Target. I think adding some sort of statement makes me feel more comfortable because it can take the focus off me a bit, while still accepting the compliment. So in response to “your hair looks great” just thanks, makes me feel awkward, like the “i know I’m so beautiful” is unstated and implied. “really? i hate it” or “i don’t usually look this good” ends up putting the other person in an awkward place. “thanks, i love yours too” can sound fake. “thanks, i just got it cut” accepts the compliment graciously, yet fills the awkward moment after.

For the wedding, if they are complimenting an item (dress, hair, centerpieces) then I’d probably say something about it–and try not to be self-denigrating, just make it a neural statement. If they are complimenting the whole ceremony or reception, something like “thanks, its great to see it come together after the planning” or just thanks it was fun to plan. if they compliment you, as in, you look so pretty, I think you just have to say thanks (tack on a shy giggle and shrug if you want), and then change the subject.

Post # 11
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I used to have this problem too and have really worked on it. Now it really bothers me when people dodge my compliments because it makes me feel like they are rejecting them! I wouldn’t give a compliment unless I meant it! Accepting compliments without any qualifications (like not saying “Thank you, I don’t usually look this good”) is an important skill and is great for your self-esteem.

I say, “Thank you” with a big smile, or “Thank you, that’s so nice to hear,” or “Thank you, what a nice thing for you to say.” Just keep practicing!

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