(Closed) How To Address Envelope to Married Gay Couple

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
5538 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I was thinking more about this (obviously I should sleep more) and if everyone else is addressed as mr./mrs. Then the proper addressing would be Messrs.

Post # 18
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can’t believe number two is winning!!  Have they changed their names?  If not, give them Mr. John Doe Smith & Mr. Steven Doe Smith.  I am not changing my name and that’s how I would expect to be addressed.  That’s also what I did for all of the gay friends I invited to my wedding.  And if you’re still unsure, I agree with whoever said to just ask.  

Post # 19
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Can I throw in a third options?

Messrs John and Steven Doe-Smith

I think Messrs is actually the plural of Mr

Post # 21
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Well, colour me “dated or chiefly British”. I routinely use “Messrs” when referring to two gentlemen of the same name, and find “Misters Smith” instead of “Messrs Smith” as jarring as if you were to write out “Mister Smith” for a single gentleman.

But in this instance it is unnecessary. The form “Mr and Mrs John Smith” works for combining the two titles ahead of the name, because Mr John Smith and Mrs John Smith both have exactly the same name: to whit, when the lady changed her name she took her husbands first name as well as his last for all formal correspondence and introductions. Although “Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith” is a common modern experiment in formal naming, it is improper since it separates Mr John from his own surname.

When people have two different names, the two different names are listed separately with their separate titles, on the same line, and joined with ‘and’. The proper form is “Mr John Smith and Ms Jane Smith”, or in the case in question “Mr John Doe-Smith and Mr Steven Doe-Smith”.

But, that being said, you cannot tell people how to refer to themselves. They are in charge of their own names. So if Jane insists on “Mrs” instead of “Ms” or if John and Steven like to have their first names linked with “and” and their common surname trailing after, then that is how a polite hostess would address them. And double-check the spelling of Steve’s name: a variant spelling that is pronounced exactly the same is “Stephen”, and if he normally goes by “Steve” it won’t be apparent what the correct long form is.

 

 

 

Post # 23
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@thatredheadedbride:  That makes sense then :).  I don’t think any of my friends have changed their names so I guess that gets a little tricky!  Sounds like you got it figured out!! 

Post # 26
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@red_rose:  I am doing this one!  I have a gay friend and she and her wife hyphenated their last names.  I asked her what they’d prefer and she voted for Mrs. & Mrs. Sarah and Mary Hername-Othername.

Post # 27
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I like “Mr. and Mr. John and Steven Doe-Smith”

Post # 28
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If they were a straight couple, it would be Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith Or Mr.and Mrs. Smith, right?  So why would it be any different just because they are gay?  They still have their own prefixes.  Shouldn’t it be Mr. John and Mr. Bob Smith-Doe  or Mr. and Mr. John and Bob Smith-Doe?

 

Post # 29
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@thatredheadedbride:  Messrs. John and Steven Doe-Smith sounds right to me. 

EDIT: Just saw your update. 

 

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