(Closed) How to address this envelope?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Technically you should send them separate invites.  But if you are like me, you would just send one invite and have all three names on it.

Post # 4
Member
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

would you invite him regardless of her? if so, i would send him one. if you’re inviting him because he will be her +1, then send it to her with the invitation extended to him on it… if that makes sense lol

Post # 5
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@elliestan: I agree with this logic – makes sense to me!

Post # 7
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly I would just ask the couple what they are comfotable with, but usually they will say “oh just throw us on one” or something but at least you aknowledged that there are “eitqutte” issues with itand give them the opportunity to have an opinion. ( honestly I was confused when people sent me invites seperate than my Fiance becuase we don’t live together yet)

Post # 8
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@NJmeetsBX: The basic principles here are that:

1) you do not ever have first-class and second-class guests. Whether or not you would invite the boyfriend for his own sake, you have to pretend that you value him as an individual and as a friend and send him an invitation in his own name to his own address; and

2) you do not ever include on the outside of an envelope anything that would create an embarrassment or endangerment for your friend: you don’t put lover’s names on the outside of a lady’s envelope because it might imply to her nosy neighbours or her ex’s private investigator that she is involved in an immoral liaison, and you don’t put a young child’s name on the outside of the envelope because that might let the nieghbourhood paedophile find out the child’s name and use it to lure the child, and you use the lady’s proper name because none of the above need to know that her school-days nickname was “Spazzy Phipps”.

So you address the outer envelope to the lady herself using her business name by which she is known to the post office (for example, “Ms Maria Guest”), and list both her name and her son’s name on the write-in line of the invitation itself; or if you decided to take the modern compromise of a fully-engraved invitation with the words “your presence” instead of the more traditional “the presence of _________________”, you write both names on the inner envelope like this (remembering that in social correspondence one uses either the surname and given name, not both):

Ms Guest
Master Thomas

If you have no inner envelope AND no write-in line, then someone obviously should have explained this to you sooner. You will simply have to slip in a little handwritten note, or jot a note on the engraved card, explaining that you hope to see little Tommy as well as his mom.

Post # 9
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Her name plus his Name
Child’s Name

Address below

Post # 10
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had this issue as well.  I addressed it:

Outer envelope:

Ms. Jill Doe

123 Main

Anywhere, US 11111

 

Then inside I put:

Jill Doe and Joe Smith

and

TinnyTim

 

Thats just what I did.  Not sure what the “proper” ettiquete is but I dont think he should get his own invite if he would not have been invited with out her.  IF they broke up, would you still want him to come?  I think his own invite implies he could.  I am really not positive on that though.

Post # 12
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MrsTVLover: Agreed again on this – her name and his name, then the child’s name underneath. 

While I understand and respect what strict etiquette says “must” be done in certain circumstances, often people in my social circle would be miffed or offended if I did the traditionally “correct” thing. Obviously, this is completely counter to the point of etiquette, so I do not find it necessary to follow strict etiquette in all cases. To me, it would be similar to sitting indefinitely at a red light that never turns green – sure, you are following the letter of the law, but to what end?

Obviously, if their relationship is secret (we had several guests like this due to military fraternization rules, and I adjusted accordingly) or if there are other concerns, you take that into account and do your best to convey the message you intend while remaining polite and conscientious of their feelings. You know your guests and their concerns.

Post # 13
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you send one invite with all three names onit. 

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I did mine different in this scenario on my guest list. It said (well, with fake names)

Mrs. Jane Smith and John Smith

Mr. Joe Schmoe

 

 

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