(Closed) How to announce an elopement

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 1
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hi there!

To make a long story short: we’re eloping.  A wedding was NEVER part of our plan.  You can read my bio for how but the Fiance and I live in south Texas and our entire family is in Michigan.  They know we’re engaged, and haven’t asked many questions about “when’s the wedding?”  His family hasn’t asked for probably obvious reasons, but I did casually mention to my Dad if he would be upset if I didn’t have a wedding.  He said no.

I’m not having a wedding because my family situation is not great (not my relationships with them per se, just the fam in general) and I know my dad can’t afford it, I wouldn’t expect his family to pay for it, and we’re sure as hell not paying for an entire day for OTHER people — that does not seem practical.

So, we immediately decided to elope.  We’re basically having a wedding without anyone present.  I will still be in a gown, he will still have a tux, we still have a photographer, etc. etc. etc. (an elopement package if you will) and a priest, yadda yadda.  It will be in New Orleans.

We have no plans at all to go to Michigan after we’re married.  He may go for Thanksgiving, because of obvious cost, I will probably not join him.  We’ve paid, are paying, for everything wedding-related ourselves and THEN some for other things we’ve got going on through the end of the year.  So, a post-marriage reception is out of the question.

I guess my question is – how do we tell them?  Literally no one knows, and I know for damn sure they have no idea we’ve been planning this.  As much as I love my family, I don’t want a typical wedding, but I also do not want them to feel left out.  I’ve been on my own since I was 18, joined the military, etc. etc. funded my college, now funding my wedding, I do not want to be guilted into paying for a trip up north either.  (We also have two dogs, so both of us leaving requires accomodations for them, and we have zero family here.)

Do I tell them on the way?  Immediately after?  Should I send some kind of gift afterwards?  I don’t want to come off like a total jerk.  And even though my father said what he said, I’m his first born and only daughter…so I’m sure there will be residual feelings there.

Any thoughtful suggestions?!  Thank you!

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Post # 3
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The traditional wording is:

Ms. Diana Lee Tourbin
and
Mr. Arthur Andrew Carter
are pleased to announce their
marriage
Saturday, the sixteenth of July
Nineteen Hundred Ninety Eight
Uptown Cathedral
Dallas, Texas

You have them all addressed and stamped before your wedding, and drop them in the mailbox (or ask your Maid/Matron of Honor to do so, if you have one) immediately after the ceremony.

In the case of your parents and his, though, you might want to call them after the wedding rather than just sending a card.

Post # 4
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@2dBride: I don’t mean an announcement “annoucement”.  It won’t even be at an address (it’s in a beautiful park there).  I mean how do we tell them we’re married or that we’re about to get married?  Before the actual day?  Right after?  KNow what I mean…

Post # 5
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, the actual announcements would be the same, other than leaving out the name of the location.  And the rule is basically the same–you announce it as soon as possible after the wedding, but not before.

The problem with telling them beforehand is that they may then feel obligated to be there–which, with very little notice, gets expensive for them.  Plus, it kind of undermines the point of eloping.

Post # 6
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Technically, “eloping” means nobody knows and you surprise them with the good news. This can be done immediately after the ceremony (by phone) or after you get home. You don’t need to do anything else–no gifts or anything (well you might send announcements to your friends and stuff). 

But if you think people will be truly hurt, then talk to them before hand and just explain to them your plans–but do be aware that they ALSO could be hurt if you tell them they can’t come. In other words, there’s nothing you can really say if they’re hurt at the concept of you eloping–but in general, people have eloped and been forgiven. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just make some calls right afterwards.  I’d try to call the important people that day or at the most that weekend.  I would tell your parents and say that it’s fine for them to spread the news to other family members.

Post # 8
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

My cousin eloped with her husband last year in Hawaii.  She went online and ordered Hawaii postcards and wrote them all out in advance to everyone who had been expecting an invitation to the wedding – then packed them with her and mailed them the day after the wedding so they were stamped from a Hawaiian post office.  It was pretty cute!

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