Post # 1
Good morning bees. 🙂 I was wondering if I could get some opinions regarding announcing an elopement to friends and family. I know most people who elope just send out “we’re married!” type announcements after they tie the knot, but I was wondering if it would be weird to also send out a nice card or letter beforehand. The thing is, I really feel like some of our extended family members will be hurt if we get married and don’t announce it to them until after the fact. In the card, I thought we could announce our plans (the date and where we are doing it) and tell them that we will be thinking of them on our day (worded more eloquently of course).
If the card/letter idea seems fine to you, can you perhaps explain how you think it may be best executed? If it doesn’t work, can you explain how to go about informing extended family before we get married?
If you eloped, how did you announce it to friends and family before and after?Thanks so much for your help!
Post # 3
Send out an annoucement afterwards! A girl I know eloped and they took a cute “We tied the knot” picture and used it to make announcements. It was adorable.
I think it can be kind of tricky to announce it beforehand. People might be wondering why or hurt by the fact that you’re not inviting them.
Post # 4
DH and I eloped 2 weeks ago and we called or sent letters to close family/friends once we got back and then made a general announcement a couple days ago to everyone else. The reception from everyone has been generally great, with a few nay-sayers who have/will come around. We are having a reception next year, so perhaps that contributes to everyone’s excitement, because they still get to participate in part of it.
I agree that if you send out a card beforehand, people will wonder why and some might even want to come. Depending on the reasons you’re eloping, then you’ll have to explain. They may initially feel left out or hurt, but once they see that it was the right decision for you, then it will be okay.
Post # 5
The idea of eloping to me, is that nobody knows. If they are going to be hurt to not be a part of your day, it wont make much of a difference if you tell them before or after. They still wont feel like a part of your day.
Post # 6
@inspiredcreations: Thank you for sharing your experience. I really like the idea of sending out letters beforehand and then general announcements a few days later. The reason we are eloping is mainly financial. There is no way we could afford to entertain friends and family in an ethical matter (we are graduate students supporting ourselves on federal financial aid plus part time work). Additionally, we are on a bit of a time crunch and wouldn’t be able to include FIs nuclear family (they live halfway around the world and have several small children), so it wouldn’t be right to include everyone else since we are the closest with them out of all our family members. I feel like our reasons are compelling, but still really feel the pressure to include friends and family and am just trying to go about it in the kindest way possible.
Post # 7
@monicaking77: Maybe call those closest to you beforehand, then. We did tell a handful of people what we were doing beforehand, and it was nice to be able to share the excitement with some people IRL and then they were with us in spirit/sending us messages throughout the day of the wedding.
Post # 8
DH and I eloped many many years ago. We had been planning our wedding and it just became too crazy. Too many hands in the pot, so to speak, so we eloped and had an “informal” reception two weeks later. We sent out invitations the day before we eloped so noone knew in advance BUT had enough time to attend. We had a wonderful time, and the reception was amazing afterward. Noone was disappointed!
Post # 9
I don’t feel that eloping these days needs to be kept in secrecy or running off without notice. Elopements can be planned and loved ones can know about it – it’s still an elopement.
With that said, any mailings prior to the wedding are not typical – whether it’s a wedding event or elopement. The annoucements always go out after.
You can do an annoucement in the paper too.
I have not notified my extended family yet, and I’ve been married for a few weeks now! Not sure if I will mail anything. I’ll let Facebook do that I guess. Or I may use a wedding photo for a holiday card perhaps.
Post # 10
@sienna76: Thank you for sharing! Very helpful perspective. Do you think family members will be hurt at all?
@ilsahailey: Thanks for sharing. I like the idea of having an informal reception… maybe that’s something to consider.
@inspiredcreations: Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll talk about it with FI.
Post # 11
@monicaking77: That totally depends on the family!
My family was not able to travel and told me in advance, so they were probably quite relieved that i did not invite them. Just one less thing for them to think about or feel obligated to do.
I do not know of anyone that felt miffed or hurt. Everyone understood the situation.
Then again, my family is not into weddings. So the notion of someone being “devasted” if they wren’t there is such a foreign concept to me. I say you’re letting them off the hook! Plane tickets, vacation time off, car rental, hotel rental is very costly and not many people want to do it (from my experience) – I did them a favor the way I see it.
Post # 12
We are eloping in 9 days!!! I can’t wait. When we return we will notify our family/friends with a card announcement. I will call my mom and sisters along with my new hubby’s mom & dad. My dad and stepmom will find out in person since they are picking us up at the airport when we fly home from Jamaica.
In my opinion, I think you should wait until after the wedding to tell people.
Post # 13
We have sent out these notes:
We didnt want to have every thing a big secret for 2 years and it also let people know we are going to be thinking of them, just they wouldnt see is until after.
Post # 14
I vote for just sending the announcement after the fact.
I don’t think people will be hurt, I’d actually be more stumped getting someone’s intentionsto marry and not be invited..
Post # 15
I would just send out an announcement after. If you want to notify a few close family members before, maybe call them? Sending out a card before seems really formal, and may hurt some feelings.
Post # 16
We sent out pictures via text with us holding a “we eloped!” sign! ha!
I figure there will always be someone who is “hurt” but they’ll just have to get over it.