- 5 years ago
All of us Bees in the Hive are wonderful and awesome. We all came here for one reason: Because we have goals/aspirations of moving our relationships forward from a ‘dating’ status to a ‘marriage’ status. We are thinking about the future and ‘waiting’ for things to develop.
Some days had waiting are WONDERFUL. Our SO’s will bring up the future, let us know that they have plans to settle down with us in terms more serious than ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ status to ‘husband/wife’ status.
Some days had waiting are TERRIBLE!! Timelines are pushed back or delayed, sometimes we have tried to push the relationship forward without realizing that we need to work on our relationship or ourselves (or perhaps our SO needs to work on themsevles), in order to feel ready for the huge committment that is marrage-and this can bring on depression.
I’ve been seeing a theme on here and it makes me think not all bees are using the waiting hive effectively, so I just want to take the time to point a few things out in order to get the most out of this section:
–Timelines should ideally be established before you consider yourself a waiting bee. I’ve seen a lot of bees on here say that ‘If I bring it up and talk about it, I’m forcing him into marriage. I refuse to be that person!’. I believe that marriage is a choice between two people, and that expectations should be set early on for both parties.
–Talking on and on about getting married and weddings and timelines can seem a bit like ‘nagging’ from an SO’s perspective. That is why we have a bi-weekly shut it up pact. It’s okay to bring up proposals/engagements/weddings/marrigaes from time to time but going on about it mutliple times a day would drive anyone crazy who isn’t an obsessed waiting bee like ourselves. Please come talk to us in the SIU pact…there’s not a lot of us in there (maybe 5-7 bees who talk regularly).
–If you love your SO, you should be willing to wait-and be okay with it. THIS DOES NOT MEAN just wasting your life away with someone who just isn’t sure. It means that you understand the reason WHY your SO needs to wait (school? money? building credit/getting out of debt? job? family issues? age? getting over a past divorce? etc) and be willing to help this person through it and show them that you will be okay with it.
–Don’t take it out on the hive! I’ve also seen a lot of negativity..things like ‘Being here is ruining my relationship…so I’m leaving’. Ifi this is the case…you might not be using this website right. If anything, you should turn to ‘Mr. Bee’s Advice for Getting Married’ that has been stickied. This is not just advice for getting married, but advice for having a happy, well rounded, fulfilling life. This advice also talks about a walk date for your relationship-because you should love yourself more than than you love your SO and be willing to leave for the life you deserve.
–Get on the waiting list. Instead of saying ‘I better not be #1 on the list by the time I get a ring!’ perhaps the attitude should be ‘I’m okay with being #1 on the list. This is the ONLY time in my relationship and my life I get to be a waiting bee. I want to enjoy this stage in my life and my relationship as much as I plan to enjoy the engagement and our marriage. Attitude and the approach to live you have can dictate the outcome of your life. You cannot make your SO propose, but you can control how you handle the waiting period.
–Please remember that your wedding day, as beautiful and wonderful as it will be…is just one day.
–Last but not least-Please remember there is more in the waiting hive than just one waiting problem. Many of us bees here have great news to share, some of us have bad days and we need help and support. Giving support is a very quick way to get support and encouragement. No one is obligated to stay or give advice, but it’s wonderful if you would.
I think all of you bees are wonderful and I just really hope that we can all try and stay positive while waiting, instead of upset and depressed that ‘we are not getting what we want’…because our relationships are not all about us..but also about our SO’s. Negativity is contagious-positivity is addictive.