(Closed) How to Ask a Bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: When/How should I ask?
    Ask now via e-mail : (0 votes)
    Ask now via phone call : (10 votes)
    63 %
    Ask by Sept 1 in person : (6 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 4
    2083 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would call and ask her about it. I think it would always be first choice to ask in person, but you want to make sure that you give her plenty of time to prepare for everything. Before you know it the girls will be needing to get their dresses ordered and your shower/bachelorette parties will need to be planned. It would be nice to give her the time to sort things out financially and with her schedule I think.

    Post # 5
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I voted for “call her”… but I’d actually send her a card ASAP. Something that just says how much your growing friendship means to you and how you’d love to include her in your wedding party. 

    Mailed on Monday it could get there by Tuesday…. 

    Post # 6
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Don’t stress too much!! I still need to ask one or two more girls, and my wedding is in December! We need to order our dresses really soon! However, i had to wait because one of my bridesmaids is my fiance’s sister and his parents were so meddlesome, that we had to hold off on waiting to tell them our Date, until tomorrow! 

    I heard it can take 4 to 6 months to get dresses, but you can always rush order them… David’s bridal also can get them in 1.5 to 3 months!…I will probably get them from there, but I want to rush order…

    Post # 7
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    The most important part is to figure out what your expectations are before you ask.  The vast majority of wedding party drama I’ve seen results from the bride who think that the job of her bridesmaids includes planning a shower and a bachelorette, going with her to shop for the dress, helping with DIY projects, etc., while the BMs think their duties are to wear the dress and show up on the day.  I think it’s better to wait a bit longer to ask, so that you can have a real discussion about what you expect from them before they accept the job.

    Post # 8
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’d wait and ask her in person.

    Don’t worry too much about the timelines — they are generalized and usually tell you to do stuff waaaay earlier than it actually needs to get done. Honestly, some of our stuff got done earlier than the timelines said, and a lot is getting done later. Do I feel behind in planning though? No way!

    There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just as long as you ask them early enough to order dresses, haha (usually about 9 weeks max).

    Post # 9
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I asked my best friends over the phone, only because when I called them to tell them I was engaged, it just came out. But, I also sent them, and my sister and Future Sister-In-Law little cards that I drew up asking them to be my bridesmaids.

    I don’t think there’s any “right” way to ask. I think it just depends on your relationship. If it were me, I would do a phone call or ask in person. Email/text is a little impersonal, but if you both email each other a lot, then it should be fine.

    Hope that helps!!

    Post # 10
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree with @SaraRocks: there is no “right” way to ask. My aunt and I live 4 hours away from each other and don’t really talk on the phone much, but we email each other like twice a week updating each other on what’s going on in our lives. When she asked me to be her bridesmaid she sent me an e-card type thing telling me how she missed me and how much she valued our friendship. After I responded, she immediately called me and said how much she had wanted to tell me in person, but knew that I wouldn’t be in the area any time soon. I thought it was a perfect way to ask and I wasn’t upset that it was too “informal” or anything like that!

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