Post # 1
So my sister, who is also my matron of honor, lives out of the country. It is about a 15-20 flight from where she lives to here.
She got married about 2.5 years ago. Although she is very religious, I can guess that she has utilized some sort of family planning, as she has yet to have children. And I think her reasoning for this was that her and her husband were students and were not in a financial position to have children. As they are not students anymore, I suspect that they are going to move in the direction of children…which don’t get me wrong, I am excited about.
However, my wedding is about 1 year and 3 months away. I fear that she will either be too pregnant or have a newborn prohibiting her from making the long plane flight. She does not talk openly about her family planning, and I hope this is not the case, but who knows, perhaps she is having trouble conceiving, and I know this can be a touchy issue. How can I ask her to simply be concious of the timing of things so that she isn’t 9 months prego or have a 1 month year old at the time of my wedding because I REALLY REALLY want her there and would be really hurt if she wasnt.
Post # 3
Unfortunately, you can’t ask her if she’s trying to get pregnant or not. That’s a touchy, very private issue for which they don’t owe anyone an answer. Sorry! I’d like to think you’d know soon, so you can plan accordingly, but you cannot demand when people have kids.
Post # 4
Oooh…uh, I really don’t know if you can ask her to do that! Having a child is such a HUGE thing. If she is using a family planning method, and she is really excited about the wedding, my guess is that she is already thinking about this. If she is having trouble conceiving, you risk opening a GIANT can of worms with her by bringing this up. I think this is one of those things where you just have to let go of control.
Post # 5
I would just start out by letting her know how much you would appreciate her attendance to your wedding. With that being said, if she happens to be pregnant around that time, there isn’t too much she or you can do about it. I don’t know her so I am not sure if she would be the type of person to plan her pregnancy around your wedding or not. I know I wouldn’t. That would be a lot to ask of someone. But again, I’m a firm believer that things do happen for a reason. I sure hope that she will be able to make it to your wedding though.
Post # 6
I don’t think you can ask someone to not be pregnant around the time of your wedding. From your perspective, getting married is a huge deal, but think about it from her perspective – having a child is a big life change too! Imagine how you would feel if she asked you to move your wedding date because she WAS going to have a child then.
They are both major milestones in people’s lives. I would let her know that you really hope she can be there with you, but you understand if life gets in the way (and it sounds like this is kind of hypothetical – as far as you know she isn’t currently pregnant and she hasn’t actually talked about TTC etc).
Post # 7
Thanks for all the advice. Just writing that post helped me get most of that concern out of my system and I don’t think I’ll bring it up at all. Btw, just to clarify, I absolutely don’t mind if she is prego at the wedding, my only issue is with pregnancy preventing her from traveling.
Post # 8
I think if you two are close she’ll be cautious in timing. Technically speaking, only after the 36th week can you not fly while being pregnant. She should be fine if she’s in a healthy pregnancy. Flying with a newborn would not be most conveinent but I’d do it for my sister and vice versa!
Post # 9
Thanks beekiss! I didn’t realize that you could fly up to the 36th week. That makes me feel a lot better. And I’m really glad I decided not to talk to her about this.
Post # 10
If your sister has already accepted your request to be your matron of honor, she is probably already thinking/planning to be present at your wedding-so I wouldn’t worry about it. –Unless you want to ask her if you need to change your wedding date to accomodate for any reason she might have for not being able to attend on that date;) lol
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s something you should ask her, even if she is your sister. It’s very personal and if she gets pregnant at the time of your wedding I’m sure she would make arragements so she could be there. = )
Post # 12
In addition to the 36 weeks – newborns can fly very quickly after birth. My family was military and my mother flew with me a month after I was born on an 8 hour flight. It’s clearly not fun to have a newborn on a 15 hour flight, but easier newborn than a 6 month old. 🙂