(Closed) How to ask for a shower/bach. party without actually asking for it?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmm do you have an MOH?  I would kinda play all dumb like she clearly knew she was supposed to do it and say something like “oh so whats the bach party going to be like or are you guys having it be a total surprise? I cant wait to see what you girls plan!” and then if she hasnt done it yet she will most likely get right on contacting the other BMs.  I dont have an Maid/Matron of Honor so I flat out asked one of my closest BMS if she wouldnt mind heading up planning it and it would mean a lot to me.  I hope this helps!

Post # 4
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it’s totally fine to send them a link about bridesmaids duties – I know you said in another post you weren’t familiar with wedding eqituette so you could always say “I just wanted to send you some info I’ve found.  I didn’t know everything about how a wedding work and this site really helped me figure it out!”

However, it’s not necessarily a must that bridesmaids/MoHs plan these activities for a bride – it’s up to them if they want to do it.  Alot of brides don’t have showers or bachelorettes because nobody throws/plans.

Lots of luck!

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@GirlWithARing….have you sent out an e-mail introducing your BMs to each other? I am my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and I know 2 of the other 3 BMs but I still insisted that she send out a group e-mail explaining why she chose each one of us and introducing us to each other. She then mentioned that she is looking forward to spending time with us at her bridal shower and bachelorette party and she is sure that she will love whatever we plan.

…then she proceeded to let me know what she wanted so that I could pass it on to the other BMs =)

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That can be a tough one.  I don’t know if I know the proper way to handle it.  But I think if it was me, I would try to work with my mom or aunt etc.  They can probably get the ball rolling.  And either host it themselves, or get the BMs involved.  Then they can be the ones to contact the BMs, and leave you out of it.  I know family isn’t supposed to throw the shower.  But that is so they don’t look gift grabby.  If they aren’t inviting a ridiculous amount of people, who cares?

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I sent out an email to my MOHs (I’ve got 2) and gave them everyone’s email addresses and phone numbers and said something like so you can chat in secret with each other about party plans.

Post # 8
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was in the same situation, so I sent an intro email with Bridesmaid or Best Man duties- copy/pasted from WB wiki…within 24 hours they had all volunteered to help organize the parties and were really excited about it.

Post # 9
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is your Fiance friend with any of your friends?  I’d use him.  Have him ask your friends if/what they plan on doing for you.  It could be that they’re planning on surprising you.  If that’s the case, I think you’ll rest easier knowing that something is in the works.  And if he’s not close enough to ask them, have another friend ask one of them.  If they say they’re not doing anything, she could be the one to tell them that it’s be a nice thing to do.  I’d feel comfortable doing that before I ask directly to have a party thrown in my honor.

Post # 10
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I like the idea of sending out an “intro” e-mail to everyone, but I would be super vague about it, and just say, “I just wanted everyone to get to know each other so that we can talk about all the fun wedding related events and such without feeling shy!”

I think if your BMs are on the younger side, maybe you can organize the b’ette party yourself? Just say that you’d like to take off some of the burden and since all you really want is a night out to celebrate, you can help plan? I dunno. I would feel so weird pointing out that someone had to throw me a party (even though you sound like you’re really cool about the whole thing), so it’s probably just my hang up 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You have a good point.  I didn’t know the BMs were responsible for the shower until I was my bff’s Maid/Matron of Honor this past summer when I was 28 (I ran with more of a “hard partying” crowd…not really the type to get married right outta college, so I had zero experience).  I’ve had a few of my BMs mention the b’party (again, my friends look for any excuse to party) but no one except my Maid/Matron of Honor, the previously mentioned bff, has said a word about a shower.  Fortunately FI’s aunt graciously offered to host my shower while we were home over the holidays, so I’ll be having it Memorial Day Weekend.  I’d suggest speaking to your Maid/Matron of Honor and have her put out some feelers.  It’s also possible if they’re all young they KNOW they’re supposed to but are afraid they can’t afford it and are waiting for an older family member to step in.  Tradition was the Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs, but I think it’s more common now for the bride’s mom to play a larger role.

 

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