Post # 1
Ok I’ve been having problems figuring out if my parents (and FI’s) is helping with the wedding costs. So I figure I’d ask you Bees for help. I’m sure many of you have been where I am now and I’m dying to find out how to do it tactfully.
So here’s my problem. My mother has never paid for much. She quit working when I was young and my grandmother has paid her mortgage etc for YEARS. My brother and I pay for a lot of her extra bills like electricity, cable, etc. But she just started getting child support from my father. He never paid it until now (I’m 25) so he has a lot to make up for. My mother decided to use this sudden income and try to build her own house. Needless to say it didn’t go through. I love my mother but she never follows through with her dreams. She gets distracted easily. So her home is 3/4 built and she still has a small income but not much. But she’s VERY crafty.
My father is slightly disabled so he gets government money. He also has two jobs. He volunteered to pay for my dress but when I mentioned it he didn’t say anything. So… I’m not sure what’s going on there. I already bought my dress, though I haven’t told him yet. He lives about an hour away and I’ve only seen him a few times in my life. So I’m not sure how to go about it.
As for my FI’s parents, they paid for the same amount of both his siblings weddings. We don’t know if their going to do the same for us. We can’t just walk up and say, “Hey you paid $X for their wedding. We’re getting the same right?” His parents are the typical American family so we don’t know what to expect.
The only other thing I’m thinking of is my grandparents. They usually make a large contribution to weddings but they’ve paid for my mom to live for a very long time. I don’t want to add to their burden.
So there it is in a nutshell. I’m confused and I don’t know if I should even bring it up or just wait and see. But at the same time, should I be asking so they feel like they’re involved? They don’t want to interfere with our wedding planning so… I’m lost. Eek!
Post # 3
I would start talking about the wedding planning process. Say you’re compiling a guest list and a budget. Do not overtly ask for money. They will give you whatever they think is appropriate, and will offer it up if they choose to give you anthing at all.
Post # 4
@futuremrsfitz18: The problem is, they already gave us their guest list by emails and the budget was decided on about two months ago. But I think I might be able to ease my way into it… Idk how but I might be able to figure it out.
Post # 5
It sounds like if they haven’t offered yet, they might not. Are FI’s siblings brothers or sisters? They might have the expectation that the brides family pays.
Post # 6
I would not ask. It doesn’t sound like they are in a position to help, and I’d just avoid it all togehter. If they chip in at the end, maybe consider it a gift since you’ll already have planned the wedding with your own funds. If you cannot afford all of their guests on their list, then you can ask them to cut some.
I would not ask anyone else. If poeple want to chip in they will do it sooner or later, but just plan as if no one does chip in.
Post # 7
Unless you have signed contracts and sent save the dates, nothing is set in stone. You can still plan the wedding you and your FI can afford if parents do not contribute. You can also tell them “Sorry, we can only invite grandparents, aunts and uncles” and take off extras from the list. If they are not contributing, they get less of a say in the guest list.
Post # 8
Given your situation I would not ask. My ILs kept offering to pay for stuff, but only actually paid for 1 thing. We just never brough it up with the other stuff. As for my parents, it is known that my dad had a wedding fund for both my sister and I. So right after I got engaged I just said to my dad “so dad, how much is in my wedding fund? :D” and then we started planning from there.
Post # 9
Plan the wedding that you can afford to pay for. If they wanted to contribute, they would have brought it up.
They may still bring it up. And then at that point the money is just extra gravy.