Post # 1
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Okay, I’m planning everything via long distance, so it’s not like I can sneak into her closet and peak. BUT my 3 maids who don’t know each other and I are emailing back and forth about dresses, and I know my Maid/Matron of Honor is on the bigger side, but I really have no idea what size she wears – MAYBE a 16? But I’m a terrible judge of size (I once guessed my friend wore a six and it turned out she was a zero – she was PISSED at me for-ever), so it could be 14 or 20 or I-don’t-even-know.
Is there a tactful way to ask her!? I want to help look for dresses, but a lot of them only go up to size 16, and if she’s bigger than that, no need to waste anyone’s time looking at them!
This is the email I typed out to her (haven’t sent it) – is it okay!?
hey, I don’t know if there’s a polite way to ask this … as I’m looking for dresses, I don’t even know what sizes I’m really looking for. [Bridesmaid K] wants to keep it under $100, and JCrew often has sales on their dresses, so it occurred to me to stalk their sales page and just buy dresses in the same color/fabric, but the styles could be different – but I know I’ve heard from some people that their sizes aren’t as varied as a lot of other lines. Do you ever shop there? Do you know offhand if that would be a reasonable option for you? If I’m not mistaken, they carry up to size 16.
Post # 3
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
I would probably just straight up ask her what her size is because you are looking at bridesmaid dress options. I think your e-mail is blatently calling attention to the fact she’s overweight.
Added: *Sorry if that sounded snarky, wasn’t meant to be!
Post # 4
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
I think that sounds ok. She is your friend and should know that you need to find dresses that fit, so hopefully she’d be understanding of the situation.
I’d also like to say that at least some Jcrew dresses are really easy to duplicate. I had the Sophia dress in the silk tricotine for my BMs, but one of the girls wasn’t in Jcrew’s size range. I found fabric at Joanns that was a perfect match in colour, weight, texture..everything! just not silk, and she had a seamstress copy the dress. It looked identical and I’m pretty sure she spent well under $100 for everything.
Post # 5
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
Your idea sounds good.
I would probably do something like sending an email to all your ladies saying:
“Hey girls! I’m looking around for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and am considering JCCrew dresses since they usually have great selections and sales. I think I’ll order different dresses, same colors and material. I’d like to be able to order quickly, should I find the ones I love, so I would really appreciate if you all sent me your dress sizes.
Thansk!”
You also need the others dress sizes, and since you thought your size 0 friend was a size 6; I would just ask everyone for their sizes!
Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
I just went through this yesterday, you have to just bite the bullet and ask. At best you could ask her to give you a range, saying you know that sizes vary from designer to designer so what’s her normal high and low, and then she can say something like 14-16 or whatever…but yeah, unfortunately you just have to ask. I’m sure she’ll understand and she might be more comfortable than you think – my girls just threw it out there!
Post # 7
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
Honestly, she might be appreciative of your concern because it also gives her an opportunity to bring up things like cuts that are more or less flattering than others on her. It will be awkward to ask, but it would be much more awkward if you picked a dress and she had to email you to say it didn’t come in her size.
Post # 8
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
I think egb has it right. That’s what my friend did (I’m in her wedding in October) and no one had a single thought about e-mailing their sizes which ranged from 2-22. It’s not like you’re going to put it in the program! Are you?
Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@sweet adeline – hehe, no, I hadn’t planned on it.
They’ll each be buying their own dresses, but if I’m helping them look, I might as well skip dresses she can’t wear. Does that make sense?
Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
You are so well-meaning, and that draft is obviously caringly written. But it does seem like you’re tip-toeing around it. I really like egb’s version. (Just make sure you don’t reply to anyone and copy info! My mom just did that with my MOHs measurements.)
Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
I don’t think I would call attention to her specifically. I’d probably shoot a email to all the bridesmaids and say something along the lines of “as it gets closer to time to purchase the dresses I want to make sure I cover all of my options so please send me your sizes and anything you want me to consider when I’m looking around”
Post # 12
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
I would just ask.
I’m a plus sized girl. I’m assuming she’s your best friend if she is your MOH? My Maid/Matron of Honor and I both know each other’s size. She is an 8 and I’m an 18. I straight up tell her when I can or cannot go somewhere because of the size. And if your Maid/Matron of Honor is over a 14 or 16, she wouldn’t be able to shop JCrew, and I’m sure it would bum her out more if you fell in love with a dress from there and she had to tell you she couldn’t wear it.
Post # 13
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Okay, thanks for all the quick input! Here’s what I just sent all three girls:
hey, I don’t know if there’s a polite way to ask this … as I’m looking for dresses, I don’t even know what sizes I’m really looking for. It’d be nice to keep it under $100, and JCrew often has sales on their dresses, so it occurred to me to stalk their sales page – but it would help to know what size everyone wears, since sale dresses are often on sale because they’re not available in every size.
Hopefully no one will be upset… 🙂
Post # 14
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m with emshaw. It feels like you’re kind of calling attention to it. I’d email everyone and say you’re looking around for dresses and want to know what size they are so could they please reply directly to you with that (everyone can be insecure about sizes… witness your very small friend getting upset). Also this is a good place to ask if there’s any sort of style that someone is uncomfortable wearing, if you want to take that into account. That would give her a chance to say what she finds flattering, but also other bridemaids might have issues/opinions – e.g. girls with large breasts are often uncomfortable in strapless and I have a long torso so I avoid drop-waists.
EDIT: and I’m too late…. but I wanted to add that I think what you sent was really good.
Post # 15
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
She will have to try on bridesmaid dresses and be measured there to get an accurate size. Street sizes are not the same as formal dress sizes at all so you cannot make random guesses.
