(Closed) How to ask my sister to step down from wedding….

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017

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VintageGirl1020 :  ignore her she needs to grow up, silly silly girl

 

Post # 3
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Kicking her out of the wedding will surely hurt what is left of the relationship. 

“Sorry sister, we already placed $X in deposits for the wedding. We can’t postpone it so close to the date. (Too bad, so sad.) Your baby will get plenty of attention at the wedding. This year is celebrating milestones for both of us. Our family can be equally happy for both.”

Post # 4
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Post partum hormones are no joke. I always joked around like some women overreact after having their babies but holy shit they hit you like a mack truck. So while I think your sister is being ridiculous, it’s not 100% her fault. Is this her first baby?

 

As for asking her to step down, that’s hard. It will damage the relationship even further no matter what you do or say. Perhaps you can simply tell her that you would prefer she bring herself, your brother in law and the baby to the wedding as a guest so she can have fun at the reception? I really don’t think you can ask her in a way that won’t piss her off or make her think like you don’t need her, so just be prepared for that.

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

She needs to get over herself, she does not get the year “2016” to herself! My Maid/Matron of Honor had a beautiful baby girl in July 2016 and I got married in October 2016, we managed to celebrate and support each other for both events!

As for asking her to step down, only you can make that decision. It will cause more problems and ruin what little relationship you have. Maybe you can ask her if she is still interested in being in the wedding and go from there…

Good luck and congratulations on your wedding!

Also, it was very thoughtful of you to push your wedding back!!!

Post # 6
Member
2596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
VintageGirl1020 :  Why don’t you have a direct conversation and tell her that this is your day and you’re having it when you want. If she still complains then you can say, “I care about you and I hope to continue working on our realtionship but if you’re not comfortable with my date then you can step down as a bridesmaid”. Practice saying that a few times in the mirror and deliver it with confidence. Maybe she will step down and you won’t have to ask her too. If she continues complaining after not stepping dont then you can tell her that, “since she is uncomfortable stepping in as a bridesmaid she is still more than welcome to sit with the guests during the ceremony and still sit at your head table during dinner” or whatever you’d like.

Hope this helps!

Post # 7
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry you’re dealing with this, OP, she is seriously out of line. I wouldn’t kick her out, just because that’s not likely to end the drama with her, since she’s your sister and going to be a part of your life for a long time.

Disengage. Just stop talking to her for a while. If she pushes, tell her you love her, but you’re just really busy with wedding stuff right now. Don’t get into arguments with her, she’s not making any sense and you’ll never win with someone like that. Try to enjoy the rest of your engagement with the people who are actually being supportive, and expect nothing from her.

Post # 8
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, that sounds selfish and childish and she’s now incharge of raising another person? Yikes.

Tell her she doesnt get 2016. 

Post # 9
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Bitches be cray. 

I have a sister very similar to that. She’s one of my MOHs. Thank goodness I have another sister (also MOH) who’s world doesn’t revolve around herself. She’s been the only help! 

The Maid/Matron of Honor is just a title. She’s definately (bad sis) not being supportive much less helping. But I knew if I didn’t have her in the wedding or take her out, it would ruin the strained relationship we have. 

 

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I feel she’s being very selfish by trying to “block off 2016” lol! As if …

First thing you need to do is get Yourself to stop feeling so much guilt over how your sister is feeling and reacting. No one owns her emotions but herself. Dont carry her angst for her. However, she’s family and that will never change so i caution against asking her to step down.

My personal opinion is that you let her enjoy the baby and sort her own emotions out for a while. Get some space between the two of you, and continue with your wedding plans. If you need someone to run things by, use another family member. She is obviously very emotional right now and will only make you feel sad, angry & guilty for planning and enjoying one of the best times in your life.

As the wedding draws near, she will hopefully have calmed down and can support you better.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding !!!! November is a beautiful time for weddings laughing

 

Post # 11
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You have done everything you can to be accomodating without just getting ridiculous…I honestly don’t see how a baby can be overshadowed by a wedding, but your sister has convinced herself that its happening and its your fault.

I don’t feel that any confrontation or conversation will resolve the issue, she’s got to work this out on her own.  Continue to invite her to things, advise her of what’s going on and when and make sure she knows that she and her baby are welcome always…but don’t count on her attendance or allow her absence from things upset you – she’s got something to untangle inside.

Post # 12
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

“I think you have a lot on your plate right now, and my wedding is causing you stress that you do not need. Why don’t you join us that day as a guest? That way you can show (nephew) off and just relax.” 

 

But I’m a bitch when it comes to family. 

Post # 13
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

She sounds like a drama queen! She is acting utterly ridiculous & bratty. If you ask her to step down, you may cause more friction or even severe the relationship. I understand your feelings completely, so I would try to decide whether your relationship with her is more important or your sanity as far as the wedding goes.

Post # 14
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

I would say something along the lines of “I post-poned my wedding as a courtesy since you were due around my date because it would mean the world for you to be included on my big day. If you feel like you do not have enough time and energy to put towards being involved in my wedding, I will understand if you’d like to step down from a Bridesmaid or Best Man to be a guest.”

Post # 15
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

She is absolutely being unreasonable, but I would NOT ask her to step down. I know you’re upset about how shes acting (as you should be), but if you want any hope of a relationship with her in the future, do not do this. If you really just want to cut her out of your life and move on, then ask her to step down.

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