Post # 1
I’ve actually been thinking about this for awhile and then I saw this thread (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/asked-to-step-out-of-family-photos) get revitalized today…
Two of my sisters have each been dating someone for a little over a year and they are both coming to our wedding. I don’t want these guys in our family photos because honestly, I don’t see these guys as family yet. My dad on the other hand, will let ANYONE get in the photos. I remember when my brother got married 6 years ago, he made my current Boyfriend or Best Friend get in the photo. We had a terrible break up, and now I hate looking at those photos.
Since I know it will be an issue, how can I nicely and politely address this? I want to avoid any hurt feelings as much as I can, but I don’t want these people in our family wedding photos. I’m not sure having them in one photo and then asking just the two of them to step out for other photos will work (I feel like that would be calling a lot of attention to the situation).
Any tips on how to handle this?
Post # 3
Would you be able to talk to your photographer about it and have her dictate who is to be in the photos then maybe bring them in at the end? I know at FBIL’s wedding their photographer did that for different shots (FBIL actually called me over to get in the picture when she didn’t ask me to but we were engaged at the time and had been together three and a half years so it was a little different) and it worked well.
Post # 4
Just make a sort of lighthearted “Okay, photo with my parents and sisters!” sort of announcement, or better yet, give your photographer the heads up and let them direct people 🙂 Maybe offer for your sisters and their respective BFs to take a photo together separately to keep the waters calm too.
Post # 5
@bakerella: that was actually one thing i was going to do–i thought it would be nice for them to have a professional photo TOGETHER. i get the rights to the photos too, so i can send them nice, large 8×10’s if they want.
we get to give our photographer a list, but since we both have HUGE families, she’s asked that someone else help her corral people for the photos (we are going to ask one of the groomsmen). they will have lists of who should be in what photograph, but my biggest concern is that my dad is going to be like ‘hey we need the boyfriends in the photos!”. so i think i may need to say something to him BEFORE the wedding..
also..i didnt mention this before, but my ex is in EVERY family photo from my brothers wedding–the nuclear family, the extended family, and both families together. it’s AWFUL.
Post # 6
@blondeeebuckeye: I would definitely talk to your dad about it then and tell him exactly what you just said about your ex in your brother’s photos. I’m sure he’ll understand, he likely hasn’t thought about that.
Post # 7
I would start off small and then slowly add people so that you get some with them and some without. Our family photo on DH’s side has BIL’s ex in there but I don’t mind.
B&G, siblings and parents
B&G, sibling, parents and spouses
Post # 8
just take 2 or 3 pictures with them and then be like okay now one with just sisters and parents so nobody gets insulted
Post # 9
i would talk to your dad and sisters before the wedding day and explain that you would like some family pics without their boyfriends. cite your brother’s wedding as a reason why.
Post # 10
I’ve been in that boat as the person who wasn’t officially family. The photographers made light of it…..
Say your dad asks your sister’s BFs to get in the picture ask the photographers to make a joke of it and say, “now unofficial family members- get out”
If they have the tone and demeanor it’s actually more funny and a joke than it is rude.
Post # 11
I would first tell your dad and your photographer that family is your main priority for group shots. Request that the first group photos taken are family-only, and then add in the significant others once enough shots of the family are taken. That way you’ll have all your bases covered.
The best way I’ve seen it handled was at my cousin’s wedding. They basically had a roll call for each group photo. The Maid/Matron of Honor had a list of people for each set of “must have” shots and she called up and dismissed people accordingly in a similar order to nyebride’s list. It was very businesslike and organized, and because of that nobody took it personally when they weren’t included in certain shots.
Post # 12
I agree, talk to your dad and your sisters. I would definitely mention your brother’s wedding photos as an explanation to your dad and maybe to your sisters. (Although are they “sure” they’re going to marry these BFs? Because if so, they might be offended by your example.) But I think the BFs might be surprisingly understanding about it–I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my FSIL’s wedding and apparently my Future Mother-In-Law was stressed out about this issue of including me in all family shots until I told her that I didn’t expect to be in all the family shots. So it might not even be an issue for them, as long as you communicate what pictures you do and don’t expect them to be in.
Post # 13
I agree with you. Definitely do one of each.
And for whatever reason, I think its nice to do the “family only” picture then do the “everyone” picture. Cause then you don’t have to ask people to get out, you just ask people to get in!
I think getting pictures of them with their SO is a nice idea.
ETA: Oh, and if your dad does say, “wait! boyfriends get in!” Just say “oh its okay Dad, we’ll do that picture next.”
And maybe also do one picture with one boyfriend, one with the other, and one with both. That way if one pair breaks up, you’ll have an alternative photo to display. JUST KIDDING!
Post # 14
talk to your father and the photographer before the day and explain your situation. Get the photographer to take some photos with them in and without them in it.
Post # 15
This always is funny to me, because I’ve always stepped out of other people’s family pictures and never will step in unless asked–and even then, it is certainly after some “Are you sure?” ‘s haha.
But-I think the suggestions mentioned above are great. Give your family a heads up–no INVITING non-married significant others into pictures, and to let the photographer handle telling whoever to get in the picture(s).
Also, I think adding into your list of pictures to get “sister(s) and boyfriend(s)” like you said would be a nice gesture, and smooth anything over.
Luckily it’s BOYfriends, and they probably could care less! haha!
Post # 16
I am probably repeating someone, but I would just let my photog handle it –obviously clarify the issue before hand and let them know what shots withwhom, and roll from there.