(Closed) How to avoid an aunt that always tells me I’m fat

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

what the f***, how could a size four ever be considered BIG!? WTH. I’m a size 6, I must be HUGE.

Anyway, don’t know what to suggest… if there is no guarantee that she will shut up about it I think you should just ignore her as best you can. She is clearly crazy lol

Post # 4
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m not sure what you mean by “one of our principle sponsors”, but I assume you mean she is giving you some type of financial assistance?? If thats the case, you may just want to nod your head and look at her like she’s crazy if she approaches you at your wedding. 

Post # 6
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, what size is this aunt?? If she’s a 4 or bigger, I don’t really see how she can say anything. And if she’s smaller than a 4, and feels the need to point to call attention to anyone bigger than her, well that’s just mean spirited.

I feel you though- I myself am a size 4 and hyper sensitive about gaining weight, and often wish I was a comfortable 2. If I had an aunt constantly pointing out that I was big, I would probably cry on the spot. Not very helpful, but I’ll never understand these people with their unsolicited commentary. The fact that someone would even consider calling a bride fat on her wedding day is so mean. The good thing is, I’m sure you’ll have a 3rd party (your mom, your husband, etc) standing there to be like, actually, I think she looks perfect.

Post # 7
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is she your mom’s sister? i would ask your mom to have a little talk with her and tell her that you are sensitive about those comments and they hurt your feelings, especially before the wedding.  Maybe she just doesn’t get how rude that is!

Post # 8
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I have an uncle who told my hubby that he looked awful at our wedding. He lost a ton of weight b/c he has crohns, so he was extremely thin. But still handsome, and there’s no need to be so negative at a person’s wedding! He tends to always be negative, we think it’s b/c he’s unhappy with his own life and misery loves company. I just don’t pay any attention to him.

Post # 9
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I had my mum’s friend who continued telling me that… I’m a 6. Of course I was a 2, when I was 17!!! After taking it for YEARS, (my culture is very traditional, you do not talk back to elders), I got mad enough so that one day I told her “If you don’t have anything nice to say about me, don’t say anything about me at all. I have a bathroom scale that can tell me if I’ve lost weight or not”… she’s never said a word about my weight since then….Unfortunately, she has moved on to my youngest sister. She’s pretty pissed about it. For the record, I always told my mum to tell her to stop, either my mother never did or she never listened.

Post # 10
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your size is irrelevant. Your Aunt is hurtful and you need to tell her that. Tell her that it hurts you and ask her to stop. Then walk away from her and enjoy your day.

Post # 11
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

People really lack filters sometimes, huh? Next time she says anything, just tell her “I’m happy with myself this way, and so is my FH, but thanks for pointing out that I’m not a size 0. I had no clue.” 

At least, that’s what I’d say. But I’m a bit on the snarky side. 

Post # 12
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh man…this sounds like my aunt.  She told me that I would be so beautiful if I just lost 10 pounds…at my grandmother’s funeral…not really what I wanted to be thinking about that day.

Two pieces of advice:

1) put someone on Aunt Duty.  You want someone who can distract her and/or keep her from talking to you too much at the reception, pre-wedding.  I would make every effort to stay away from her before you walk down the aisle.  I would also have your dad or mom (the sibling of the aunt) tell her that you only want to hear positive comments on your wedding day and if she doesn’t have anything nice to say, to keep her mouth shut. 

2) it’s taken me years, but I have finally got to the place where I realise that my aunt is NUTS.  This is great because it means every time she says something mean, I can say in my head “yes..you think that because you are nuts”.  This may work for you. Anyone who a) thinks that it is acceptable to approach someone and comment on their personal appearance has serious boundary/social skills issues and b) who thinks that a size 4 is big, has problems.  I would just try to keep repeating this.  She’s the one with issues.

Good Luck!

Post # 13
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel like every family has one person that doesn’t know what comments aren’t appropriate!

Is your mom close to her? If she is, could she say something tactfully, maybe like, a bride wants to hear that she looks beautiful on her wedding day not comments about her weight?

Even if your mom is able to talk to her, she might keep the comments coming.

Don’t waste your time worrying if she is going to say something or not. You will be having way too much fun to be concerned about the rude family member (we’ve all got them!). Yes, it is completely rude of her but think of it like “it’s her problem, not mine”.

Sorry you have to deal with that 🙁

Post # 14
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Hah, I’m at least as snarky as some of you – I would be like, “And you keep getting older!”

I like the scale comment.

If you want a less snarky way to approach it, I would suggest making her fess up by asking questions like, “Why do you feel it’s more important to comment on my weight than to congratulate me on my wedding day?”

Post # 15
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I like the “Why do you feel it’s more important to comment on my weight..” comment.

I am less creative and polite, so I’d go with “And you got older!  Still making rude comments though, I see…”

Post # 16
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay, that is totally unacceptable, regardless of what size you are.  If this were my relative, I would be unironically considering violence.  Not to say that you should punch her.

I think you need to turn to her – face to face and glare at her straight in the eye and tell her something like “comments about my body are not acceptable.  If you are going to talk about this, you cannot be a part of my life.”

FWIW, I’m about your size and have had to deal with some really serious body image and mildly serious eating issues in the past.  I hold a pretty universal “negative body talk is unacceptable” policy – nobody can insult my, their own, or a third party’s body in my presence without getting reprimanded for it.  This kind of bs, harmful crap is everywhere.  For what it’s also worth, I’m the sort of person who jokes about *everything.*  There are very few things that I take seriously, and this is one of them.  I think what you need to do is get very serious, very suddenly with her and tell her she has one option and it’s to stop this crap.

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