Post # 1
I’m in my FW. Thus far in TTC, Darling Husband hasn’t known when my FW was (he didn’t want to know) and I was just extra friendly during the appropriate week or so. This has worked very well for us.
Darling Husband may have to go out of town next week to CA and then possibly to help his mom in Scotland for a week or so after that. Due to this travel, this past weekend, he asked me when we needed to get BD’ing because he wanted to make sure we wouldn’t miss it this month – nice! but it was a bit strange 🙂
So last night, we knew we should BD – no positive OPK yet, but we know I should be O’ing in the next 2-3 days. It just felt different than in the past – like we were BD’ing because we HAD to rather than because we wanted to (we both did and it was still fun, just had that underlying feeling of obligation).
Is this just because we both know the FW this month? I’m hoping that if we have to continue on to next cycle, and go back to him not knowing the details, that it will be “normal” again.
How do you all keep it from being an obligation instead of just fun??
Post # 3
@Glasgowbound: I have no idea, this is one thing we’ve really struggled with! One thing that has helped us is to joke around about it a little. We’re not the most serious couple when it comes to stuff like that so joking around helps break up the tension/pressue of “making a baby”. I always have to tell Darling Husband when my FW is so that he knows what to expect, otherwise he does things like invite a friend over or is too tired from working, or overheated himself so his men are probably lack luster… If he knows he can come home knowing what to expect and it makes it better for both of us.
This month he was super sweet about it since I’ve been so down about all the BFN’s, we made sure we had sex outside of the fertile window just for fun (which we have been bad about doing), then kind of “forgot” to try and hit o-1 this month and left it at that for TRYING. This is my most promising month yet, and we had fun… Hopefully that helps.
Post # 4
have a little wine, make a nice dinner, relax. watch a romantic movie, give each other massages. cuddle. then one things turns into another.
Post # 5
honestly the only way in my opinion is to not chart, not worry about anything
just have sex every other day! unless you have fertility issues that were documented, I think it’s just better to let everything do it’s job.
Post # 6
@BellaDee: Totally agree!
I used the OPKs for the first 3-4 months and it made me crazy…now I just try to remember when my FW is, and we do it every other day during that period.
I’ve found that if I’m stressed about it, Darling Husband senses it, and he gets some performance issues/anxiety, and then it’s kind of ruined for both of us…now I just try to have a glass or two of wine and relax…or we’ll take a looong walk/hike in the evening, because exercise usually gets me in the mood! TTC is soooo much more stressful than I thought it would be… hopefully it won’t be too many more months of this!
Post # 7
@DaisyBelle: exactly! I mean I understand charting if you have fertility issues or health problems, but other than that I think it would drive anyone crazy to the point that it becomes a chore.
Post # 8
@Glasgowbound: Actually, we were so excited to know that “this could be the time” that we were excited to BD on those days. However, if that doesn’t work for you, maybe you shouldn’t chart. Try to remember when your FW is and BD every other day or whenever the mood strikes you. Just try to relax and have fun 🙂
Post # 9
Charting actually isn’t stressful for me – I relaly like it. I like knowing what is going on with my body – when to expect AF, etc. So the charting isn’t stressful at all. Plus, I’m 38, almost 39. We need to maximize our timing each month.
I think part of it is also that this is our first month back to TTC after my MC. We were both so excited byt he BFP and so devestated by the MC. I’m sure there is trepidation on both our parts of going through all that again.
Post # 10
@Glasgowbound: It may not be stressful, but when you aren’t seeing results it would subconciously be that way. Especially when you feel you are doing everything right.
That’s the only reason I say that, not that charting itself is stressful.
Post # 11
@Glasgowbound: I chart as well and we ran into the same issue. One thing we started doing was varying the times of day we BD so its just a bit switched up. Gives us some variety, which makes it less chore-like. Its less of a “well, its 9pm, time to head upstairs!”
Also if you are only BD’ing during your FW, step it up and make sure you BD other times than that. Otherwise it gets monotonous pretty quickly.
Post # 12
After almost 3 years, it’s impossible to not think of it as a chore. But we found that once we got into it, hey, this was actually a fun chore LOL and got over it. But we try to not BD too many times in a row–2/3 times in a row of chore BD is fun, 4th time, we are cranky. Good luck and baby dust!
Post # 13
This is only our third month trying but we just BD’d SIX days in a row! We haven’t done it that much since we first started dating. Not even on our honeymoon! It definitely felt like a chore the last two times! What really helped was doing it somewhere different….(TMI alert!) on our couch. It was fun and funny and a nice change of pace. Also, I know it might not be realistic for you and your husband with your schedule, but going somewhere else to get your BD on might make it fun and different. We went backpacking and then to a cabin in a FW, and that was great (even though having sex in the tent is not my favorite haha). Anyways, best of luck to you and very sorry to hear about the MC. I hope you get another sticky BFP very soon.
I also agree with @megz06:, knowing this could be “the time!” helps me. So even if the BD is because “we have to,” it is exciting for me because of that.
Post # 14
I think ideal is just not telling him when your FW is, but I know it can’t always be avoided.
It’s more fun if you make it different, like first thing in the morning BD, or like PP said, doing it in different places/ways. Maybe jump in the shower with him after work if you don’t think he’d object.
Post # 15
What helped us: a glass or 2 of wine, racy music (I had a “sexy time” playlist on my iPad…haha!) and varying the time of day/location. I would also send him sexy texts throughout the day, like, “I can’t wait to x, y, z with you tonight.” Lol. If you kind of try hard to not make it seem like it’s obligatory baby-making sex, you kind of start to believe it and it starts to feel more like you are just horny teenagers who can’t get enough 😉
Post # 16
We didn’t do too much different, but little things like me wearing something sexy… or focusing on extra foreplay. It would get to the point where one or both of us just couldn’t wait any longer.