(Closed) How to avoid people being disrespectful before ceremony..

posted 10 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 4
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
@Beluga:  lol, i like that “better guests”!

i also agree Ushers can fulfill this role by asking people to stay seated and keep the noise level to a minimum.

Post # 5
152 posts
Blushing bee

Have some solemn, slow music play when guests arrive.  It will give them the “church” vibe that they should be quiet and respectful.  You could also mention on the invitations that it is a “traditional (insert religion here) ceremony,” so people will get the picture that it is not a situation for them to be running around and talking loudly.

Post # 6
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

The venue, music, and atmosphere tend to help people understand what is acceptable behavior for that particular occasion.  To be honest, I didn’t have time to worry about my guests before the ceremony because I was too nervous and had too much to think about. 

DH and I, however, were concerned about the ceremony starting before the processional because I didn’t want my parents/grandparents walking in while people were still talking.  So, we started our ceremony with readings and a prayer as a signal that the ceremony was starting, then the processional started.  That worked well for us to set the tone.  Before that though, I am not sure what else you can do except to trust that your guests will act appropriately since they’re hopfully mature adults!! 🙂

Post # 7
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Visiting and being friendly before and after services was always encouraged in my (Catholic) church.

Perhaps you need to have your ushers open the doors seat people at the last second, if it’s important to you that they remain quiet and subdued once in the church.  Otherwise, intending no disrespect to you or the church, people are bound to want to say hello to family and friends that they haven’t seen for a long time.

Post # 8
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it’s something that might be tough to avoid. There are so many different religions out there with so many different traditions.  The way I grew up, we wouldn’t expect people to sit in silence. No offense, but I hate church weddings that are like that. Perhaps, you should only invite those folks that have the same religious background so that they understand what they need to do. If you feel the need to silence people, then I would put it on your invitation or have it be on the cover or the first line of your program. 

Post # 10
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow, in all of the weddings I’ve been too, I’ve never seen such a display of disrespect.  As BeSeeingYou suggested: Indicate that it is a traditional religious setting.  Also on make sure your invitation really speak to your religious views.  Check out verseit.com. 

An example from the website:

Bride’s Parents Inviting Verse 4

Our daughter, BRIDE,
will be united in Christ
on DAY


You are invited to join in worship,
witness their vows
and celebrate their union
at a reception following the ceremony

If you are unable to attend,
we ask your presence in thought and in prayer

The verse clearly indicates that your are getting married in a house of worship.

Hope this helps.  Good Luck:)

Post # 11
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think the solemn music would work. This might seem strange, but maybe you could have the ushers greet guests in a quiet voice, almost a whisper. That would make me think I needed to be quiet 🙂

Post # 12
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@bhs133: If the ceremony hasn’t started yet, that may be why people were being loud and saying hi to everyone. This is what happens at many of the churches I go to. Not just weddings, but church services. Most of my churches are set up for fellowship so that people can talk and see how everyone is doing. I don’t think people meant to be disrespectful, since this is a normal occurance in a lot of churches.

If you don’t want this at your ceremony (before or after), then you could have formal music playing. That will signify that the wedding ceremony has begun and it’s time to “meditate” before anyone actually walks down the aisle.

It’s also a good idea to have on your program the list of songs playing and say, “Take this time to meditate before the ceremony begins” or something like that. This will set the mood you want 🙂

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