(Closed) How to avoid "that" girl coming to our wedding.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I really don’t think there’s anyway to avoid her coming. Bridal party members deserve to have dates, especially if they’ve been dating for years and especially if it’s a destination wedding. The only way I could see her not coming is if her boyfriend wasn’t a groomsman. 

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I guess it depends on how you plan on spending your week in Italy – do you see yourselves spending the whole week with your bridal party and guests, or do you think you’ll spend the wedding day with them then most of the week on your own? If it’s the latter, I think you could deal with her for just a little while. If, however, you’re going to be with all of your guests for the whole week, then you may need another option.

Obviously, it’s great if you can get away with not inviting her, or if she chooses not to come, but is it possible to maybe line up some activities that she doesn’t enjoy? So, if she hates hiking, maybe do a day hiking around the countryside, or go scuba diving, if that’s something she wouldn’t want to do.

Post # 5
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gingerkitten:  At the risk of sounding rude or uncaring, your fiance should have thought of this when he asked B’s boyfriend to be a groomsman. I think you’re stuck.

I can’t think of any way to tactfully ask her to stay home. If you don’t invite her, the groomsman will probably drop out of the wedding, and it will probably damage the friendship between him and your fiance. I think you need to ask yourself which is worse (a) damaging FI’s friendship with the guy, or (b) B being at the wedding. If the answer really is (b), then don’t invite her, but expect the worst.

Post # 6
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Do you and other people hate her that much?

I don’t think you can do anything about it now. If I hate her so much and knew that you’d have to deal with this then I wouldn’t have chosen this friend to be in the bridal party in the first place, that way we don’t have to have her near us the entire time.

But what’s done is done, so I think you probably either stir the pot and cause drama with the grooms man OR suck it up and have her in the villa (even if you end up having her in the villa, I think you will be too busy to recognize her all the time).

Post # 7
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

You don’t really have an out here. 

 

Just try to view it as a sort of amusing sideshow when she shuffles around all grumpy-like.

Post # 8
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@paula1248:  Exactly my thought…

Post # 10
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@gingerkitten:  

Ultimately it’s too late. You can’t ask her to stay home without affecting the relationship with B’s partner, try and see the positive?

In my FI’s group of friends we all hated one of their girlfriends. She did not say a word to me for the first 12 months we were dating, and basically wanted to punch me in the face I’m sure. One of her friends had a huge big obsessed thing for Fiance (had waited two years for him to break up with his previous girlfriend) and they went on one date, her friend was really interested and Fiance was not.

Then two weeks later we started dating. Obviously I was a super harlet who stole him away. 

Then about two years later we had a dinner with just us and them, all got ridiculously drunk and are now really good friends. 

 

It probably wont happen, but my suggestion is kill her with kindness and hope for the best.  

Post # 13
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@gingerkitten:  Is there any chance you can just sit and hash it out with her? This is your wedding at an amazing destination where you have to spend a whole week with her. I would hate so much to *grr* every time a girl I didn’t like was around (which will probably be the whole time).

Organise a night of dinner and drinks with a group of people, have a couple of wines or vodkas to sooth your nerves then just sit her down and ask her what her deal is. Maybe you’ll sort it out or maybe she’ll just promise to play nice for the week.

Post # 15
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We’re in the exact same situation! We’re hoping she’ll just choose to not go lol, but I doubt it. Undecided

Your parents’ idea sounds best, just have them stay at the hotel next door, then at least you’d only have to deal with her during the day.

Post # 16
Member
10394 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t know people have gotten the idea that wedding party must get plus ones. It’s not true. It may be a very nice thing to do, and it may be common, but it is entirely voluntary, not an obligation. According to etiquette sources that range from Emily Post to Miss Manners, one is obligated to include spouses, engaged couples, and people who live together romantically.The only thing I would say is that you can’t invite some in the wedding party with guests without doing it for all. At least not without creating hard feelings,

Absolutely do not cover this woman’s expenses if you do decide to invite her. You need no excuse. It’s not just about the room, either. If she comes, it’s no doubt an added expense to you in many other ways as well.

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