(Closed) How to back out of being a bridesmaid. Anxiety issues..

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time. As someone with clinically anxiety, I understand completely. I believe that we need to take care of our mental health before anything. Having said that, your friend and others will not see it this way. You said yes and made a commitment to your friend. I know this is a bandaid solution, but have you considered taking a lorazapam or similar anti-anxiety medication the day of to calm your nerves? It will help you get through the day while still honoring your commitment. I realize this might sound crazy to some, but when you have anxiety…you still need to live your life and respect those around you, and sometimes us anxiety sufferers just need a little help. If you’re not comfortable with that and feel you truly cannot go through with this, just be honest with your friend and see how she reacts.

Post # 3
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m not qualified to diagnose since all I’ve got is a BA in psychology, but it looks more like you might have panic disorder with agoraphobia than generalized anxiety to me… are you being treated for it at all? Any meds? 

I am very concerned for you. I had panic attacks when I was in middle school and they were the worst. It felt like being chased by a bear, but there was no bear! Ugh. 

Please get help ASAP. I was amazed at how quickly I recovered once my parents sent me to see a psychiatrist. 

Post # 5
Member
3477 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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aquabee :  I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist bee. Are they an actual clinical psychologist? I was diagnosed with panic disorder in high school, but it was never as bad as how you describe how you’re feeling recently (although I was still pretty afraid of fainting on my wedding day). 

If you really want to step down I’m sure your friend will completely understand. But I really hope for you, since you’ve just started therapy, that by 2019 you will be feeling a lot better! I know its hard to get your head around taking medication, but honestly it could change your life. It sounds like these panic attacks/agoraphobia are consuming your life and it must be so difficult, sending you virtual *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
1591 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I know a lot of people are worried about needing to rely on medications for anxiety and depression, but you should try not to let the stigma of taking psych medications keep you from doing what you need to do to be happy and healthy! If it were a pill to lower your high blood pressure or treat a chronic infection, would you be concerned with not wanting to rely on medication? Treating psych illness is just as real and just as important! You said you were working on healing yourself, and I think a big important step in that is taking the meds that will help you. 

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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aquabee :  I just wanted to pop in and say I used to have similar panic attacks, complete with not being able to leave my house, needing to have a quick escape and fainting. I ended up on medication but a book that also really helped me is “From Panic to Power”. I’m sorry you’re going through this it’s very tough. 

Post # 8
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee

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aquabee :  I just wanted to say I understand your fears about taking the meds, but you really should. I was also nervous about taking Zoloft, which was prescribed to me for depression; but with the help of some wise bees, I went ahead and began taking it. And at first it was a transition while my body got used to it. But I’ve never felt better. You’re not a failure for taking meds to help with your anxiety. In fact, it shows strength to realize and acknowledge that you need help! Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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aquabee :  May I ask what the medication is? I also have panic disorder but it’s managable. It can just be a bit scary. I only ask about the medication because I might be familiar. You might find that the medication works really well for you. There’s no way to know without trying. A lot of times you need to try a few before you find one that works. There’s no shame in it but I get why you’re scared of the side effects because they are scary but if you have a good doctor they will monitor these things. If you find the side effects are too bad, they’ll take you off that medication and you can try another. 

Post # 10
Member
623 posts
Busy bee

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sparkosity :  I couldn’t agree with this more! It’s such a shame that there is a stigma to taking psych drugs – its no different than any other ailment. 

OP, if you feel you need to step down you should. Your health is paramount. 

Post # 11
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

Multiple severe anxiety disorders here including agoraphobia. It’s actually the worst it’s been in my whole life right now, I haven’t even been able to work for some time. So I completely understand what you’re saying. And my advice is to be honest. I’ve started being very open and honest about my situation instead of giving excuses. Surprisingly more people empathize than you’d think, whether they actually understand it or not. And if she doesn’t, that’s her problem, you’ll have spoken your truth and that’s just how it is. I know it’s easier said than done, personally I wouldn’t be able to say it in person, I barely am social at all now since I barely leave the house, so I’m better over text or fb message, but I’d let her know what’s really going on. 

Post # 12
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel. For a while I was having panic attacks everyday and it made me scared to leave my house because at least if it happened at home I knew I was in a safe environment. Some things that helped me were cutting out caffeine (coffee, soda, everything) and trying to exercise more. My psychiatrist wrote me a prescription for Xanax and I took them when I knew a panic attack was coming. Over time they stopped happening – I think knowing I had the Xanax made me feel “safe” because if I started to panic I knew I had something to make it go away. My doctor recommended Prozac for anxiety but I didn’t feel like it was right for me. 

I was the maid of honor in my friend’s wedding last year and I was terrified but it was ok! Since you’re a little ways away from the wedding, maybe see how you feel in a few months and gauge it from there? Does your friend know about the anxiety issues you have? If so she might be more understanding if you need to step down. 

Post # 13
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I am so sorry that you are going through this tough time. I completely understand how you feel. I have been experiencing PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks for a few years now and with the help of a wonderful psychologlogist and counsellor I have been able to keep it under control with the techniques they have taught me. I am sure if you explained your fears about the situation she will understand. You need to put yourself first, goodluck with the therapy. 

Post # 14
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee

Big hugs Bee. I have anxiety and alot of what you said resonates with me! Heck I bet even people without anxiety can get worried about timelines ect!

Have you talked to your friend about what you COULD do as a BM? Like maybe you can stand up for her and take pictures after, but the pre-ceremony and post ceremony stuff you could just stay with your hubby for and sit with him. Less pressure. I would want my friend to talk to me if she could. Just an idea:) 

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