(Closed) How to be a good bridesmaid? (long)

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m going to keep this short b/c i feel compelled to respond and it’s time to go home.

Push a little. Not too much. And not to the point that it SOUNDS like your own wedding regret. Tell her you’re afraid she’s being taken advantage of her. Just ask "are you sure htis is what you want?" and try to help. I say you plan the bachelorette. Email them and say that since they’re all soooooo busy, you’ll plan it all. If that’s what you want to do. But if your sis doesn’t want any of your ideas, take that as a cue and let her do her own thing. That’s all you can do I think 

Post # 4
112 posts
Blushing bee

Those sister relationships can be frustrating… and can also be the best thing in the world! Hang in there! Just a thought though… if you’re still in planning mode, or like you say, wanting to ‘live vicariously’ through her wedding… she may sense that. It’s important that she gets the change to have HER day, just like you had yours. I know you probably mean well, and it’s so easy to get caught up in wedding excitement… we all love the details! But just be super sensitive that it’s about her and not you. Everybody has a different approach to planning. Maybe she’s more ‘hands off’… but that’s ok. Believe me… she’ll need your extra hands and willingness the closer you get!

Do you think maybe you could set up something special for just the two of you… some spa time, pedicures… (either now, just to spend some time together… or closer to the wedding so you can help her relax). Everything will work out. Good luck, and enjoy this time with your sister before she’s married! πŸ™‚

Post # 5
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Wow, this is one of the tougher situations I’ve heard of.  I wish there was a simple, magical way to dissolve the problems between the two of you… but I know these sister things are tough.  She needs you, but she doesn’t want to admit is… and you want to help her, but she doesn’t want to receive it.

I would say, be ready when she asks, keep offering, and sit tight best you can.  I know that with my family, it is hardest to be zen-like about things.  Often I degenerate back into my old (bad) habits.  So be gentle with yourself if you lose it a time or two… but try not to let her see that if you can help it!

Post # 7
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Sounds like that conversation ended up being a buliding block!  I’m so glad that it went well, and know that you must be hurting over the stress that was created around your wedding.  It was pretty great of you to put it aside and work on productive bridges into the future.

You’re a good sister πŸ™‚

Post # 9
33 posts
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am so glad things seem like they are working out.  I agree with Doctorgirl- it takes a good sister and a great person to be so persistant with someone who pushes back when all you are trying to do is help and make her pre-wedding experience as memorable and perfect as possible!

Post # 10
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I personally think that you need to back off. I am a little sister with an older sister that is trying "help" but it really is just coming off as pushy. I know that you probably have good intentions but honestly I would just sit back and let her make her own choices. And if your sister is anything like myself, she probably is not telling you half of the information. I have seriously gotten to a point where I just tell her the bare minimum because everytime the wedding comes up my sister usually begins with the statement "well I did this and it worked out so well and this is what you should do….. " You planned your wedding and shower and now let her deal with hers.

Post # 11
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That’s awesome that things finally cleared up! And I’m happer to hear you’re getting to work on some things! 

Post # 12
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

mrs. spring that’s great that you were able to chat with her and help with what she needed. As long as you’ve let her know that if she needs anything to ask you, i’m sure she will when she needs the help.  πŸ™‚

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