- Mrs. Spring
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2009
So my sister is getting married in December. I have struggled with some negative feelings about the wedding, but I’m trying to push that aside and be a good bridesmaid for her. She kinda hurt my feelings at my wedding, too, and I’ve been feeling really bad about it. The best idea I can come up with on how to get over my negativity is to 100% throw myself into helping her as a bridesmaid. The problem is, I’m not really sure how to go about it.
When she and her Fi started planning, I sent them the entire Excel Wedding Workbook my husband and I had created for our wedding. It had a guest list and addresses, guest tracker, invite/thank you tracker, gift tracker, budget spreadsheets, vendor contact log, etc… And I spent a little extra time taking out our personal information so it was basically like a blank template for them to just fill out. I don’t think she even looked at it though, and that kinda hurt my feelings, as well. She said that she just forwarded it on to her Fi because he was the one doing all the planning.
At one point before my wedding, we were also talking about how her planning was coming along. She said her Future Sister-In-Law was making their invitations and bridesmaids dresses because it would be cheaper. I suggested that she buy invite kits because you can get invites for under $1/piece and that she could have BMs buy their own dresses to save money. She basically told me she was doing it her way, so I just backed off the subject. Last night I found out that her Future Sister-In-Law picked out BM dresses from a well-known designer for about $150/piece. Not a ton, but a lot when my sis wants to buy these herself and is on a tight budget.
I emailed her last night saying the dresses were beautiful and she is really sweet to pay for the dresses by herself. I also asked about the rest of the bridal party and if there were any plans for her shower or bachelorette yet. She wrote back saying that all of our sister and her Future Sister-In-Law are BMs (four of us), and a friend of the family is her Maid/Matron of Honor. I feel really weird about this because the Maid/Matron of Honor is a forty year old who has five kids. She also sells Pampered Chef out of her home, and told my sister that all she can do for the wedding is show up because she’s too busy. My mom said she would throw my sister and her Fi a co-ed shower in August, and my sis’s Future Sister-In-Law is supposed to throw them one in her Fi’s hometown in November. No one has said anything about a bachelorette, but her Maid/Matron of Honor did offer to create a Pampered Chef registry for them for both showers (and she gets the commission).
I feel like my sister is being taken advantage of in many ways. Her Future Sister-In-Law promised to save her money, and now she’s costing her a bunch of money with these Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses she picked out. Plus, she has never been married or even been in a wedding so I seriously doubt that she knows what she’s doing. My sister’s MOH isn’t giving her any help or attention, except for doing the registry for her which, obviously, she has an ulterior motive for doing. And none of the other BMs seem interested in traditonal duties like the shower, the bachelorette, etc…
Part of this is probably because I am have wedding regrets, and I am "living vicariously" through her since she is still in the planning stages. Another part is because my wedding just ended and I am still in planning mode (why else would I be on WB every day? 🙂 Part of it is because I really want to help and show her that I’m trying to get over the things she did at my wedding that upset me. And a bunch of it stems from the fact that I’m angry my sister is being taken advantage of this way. I just don’t know how to help out without seeming like I’m being pushy and her blowing off my suggestions. Should I just back off, like the rest of the BMs? Or should I push a little bit to make sure she gets the wedding she deserves?