How to be happily married?

posted 1 week ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Not married yet but I’m gonna throw in my mother’s advice because I think it’s interesting and, to tell you the truth, caused more conflict between us 😅 basically, she has always drilled it into me not to go to sleep without resolving an argument. BUT my fiance is much more tolerable in the morning. If we try to resolve something at night it becomes a cranky disaster!!

Just wanted to throw that in because I think it’s common advice but I think it’s actually not very GOOD advice 😅

 

Post # 3
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Marry a competent human that you like and respect. It’s amazing how so much of the alleged “marriage is HARD WORK” we hear so much about disappears when you do. Life can be shitty and hard sometimes, your marriage in and of itself shouldn’t be part of that shitty and hard. I am far from an expert, I’m a flawed human and neither my spouse or I are anything resembling the perfect husband or wife. But, in addition to loving him, I LIKE him and I respect him as a person…he’s smart, funny, and has great values and integrity. Those facts carry us through normal things like mood swings, arguments, and miscommunication.

He also, JUST AS IMPORTANTLY, is a real grown up who knows how to do things like cook and clean and he does so on a regular, consistent basis. Given the number of people I know who make constant comments about how their husband can’t do more than grill 2x a month and mow the lawn, or how they don’t know their own kids schedules/care routines, I am extra appreciative that my husband is an equal participant in our domestic life and I absolutely think that leads to more happiness than shouldering that alone. 

Post # 4
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
@Waytooexcited:  I had that same advice drilled in to my head and it caused so many problems! A more useful strategy my husband and I learned is to identify when we feel emotionally overloaded and to mutually agree to table the discussion for later.

Post # 5
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

View original reply
@dianaj17:   “But, in addition to loving him, I LIKE him and I respect him as a person…he’s smart, funny, and has great values and integrity.” 

YES YES. This is so important. It’s not really marriage advice but choosing someone you respect is essential. My husband and I are not perfect (and don’t always agree), but I so value his opinion and intelligence. It makes it easy to give him the benefit of the doubt and hear him out when we do disagree. 

The other piece of advice I have is to learn how to let go quickly. My husband actually taught me this. I used to be someone who would hold on to anger for so long after small disagreements (would spend the next few hours seething after a fight), but my husband is the kind of person who has an argument and is laughing 5 seconds later. It’s life changing when you can learn to let the small things go quickly and choose to be happy. Obviously major issues are different I’m talking about small bickering or irritations, etc. 

Post # 6
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Like the person you’re married to.

It’s so simple, but so many people seem to miss this one. It’s one thing to love someone, or be infatuated with someone, but you also need to like them as in “If we weren’t together, would I want to be friends with this person?”

Post # 7
Member
4491 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband and I have been married 9 years, so certainly not experts, but not newbies either lol.

I feel like a lot of the issues I see on WB at the end of the day come down to not respecting one another. Not respecting each other’s time, or privacey or autonomy or your marriage as a whole. The person you marry should be someone who respects you enough to not hurt you, lie to you, and to treat you with honesty and above all kindness. While I don’t think that’s a solution to everything, it goes a long way.

Post # 8
Member
4911 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t take the other person for granted. Acknowledge what they do for your life together (or for you) and actively engage in your relationship.

Find time to have fun together – don’t stop just because you got married. It can be as simple as playing a board game or exploring a new place.

 

Post # 9
Member
1874 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

1. Never use subtle gendered antagonistic adjectives (i.e. Nagging when a wife’s requests aren’t honoured, or dad ‘babysitting’ when he’s parenting his child)

2. “Do you want solutions or just to vent?” When one of us had a bad day/an issue we want to complain about. Avoid the “I don’t need you to fix it” argument if you just want a good moan and an ear to listen. 

3. Financial openness is as important and emotional openness. Financial infidelity is not an insignificant betrayal and should be treated as such. If there are income disparities in your relationship, ensure you acknowledge and work through any issues this may potentially cause. 

4. Respect is absolutely key. If you don’t respect your spouse then what’s the point? 

5. You come from different places, but you want to end up at the same destination. Make sure you agree on the big things (kids, living situation, family values etc) – everything else is just noise you can work through. 

6. Love isn’t constant and requires work. It ebbs and flows and it’s longevity often relies on you working on it together. This may be through therapy, or just continuing to “date” each other – whatever works. But it’s always important to “like” your partner, even if you want to strangle the life out of them sometimes. 

7. Have your own separate hobbies/friends/lives outside the relationship. You need to escape sometimes.

Sorry I went overboard, kind of ended up on a roll. There’s more but I’ll stop here!

Post # 10
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

We’re not married quite yet, but we will be in October! It’s wonderful to hear the advice of people who have been married for a long time. I do have a piece of advice that has helped guide me in my partnership.

Assume best intentions. If my partner is doing something that frustrates me, like leaving his dirty dinner plate on the table after eating (he doesn’t do that, just an example!), I could assume he’s lazy, or that he expects me to pick up after him. But I’m marrying a man who I love and respect, so instead of assuming the worst, I assume the best. He’s probably just forgetting the plate. So that way, when I bring up my concerns to him to have a conversation about it, I’m approaching the discussion from a place of trust instead of a place of accusation, and we are able to resolve the issue calmly. I expect my partner to assume the best intentions of me, as well. It really helps set a tone of respect in our relationship. 

Post # 11
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

– Respectful communication that supports vulnerability

– Support one another’s independence / sense of self outside the relationship

– Marry somebody who behaves the way you want a partner to behave, not who talks about behaving the way you want a partner to –> And then create a habit of showing appreciation for those behaviors

Married for 5 years, together for 10, we still say ‘Thank you for making dinner’ or ‘Thank you for getting up with the kids this morning’ multiple times a day to one another. The burden isn’t always shared 50/50 (and it tilts both directions) but recognition of the other’s efforts and feeling comfortable (because you’ve fostered a respectful communication norm) voicing when you need more support is critical. 

Also recognizing that “self care” may be as small as being able to go to the grocery store without kids or a couple hours on the couch binging a show only they like, but it can’t stay that small – both partners need time to do those hobbies or activities outside the relationship that truly let them re-energize (I think this became especially true post-kids)

Post # 12
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

1) Don’t marry someone you don’t respect

2) Don’t take your partner for granted.  If you keep being thankful for all the little things they do for you that you like, you’re less likely to get annoyed by all the little irritating things they do too.

3) Learn to communicate well with each other

Post # 13
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

Marry smart by that I mean marry someone whose family you can get on with, values match yours, has the same attitude towards finances as you do and most importantly life goals align.

Being kind, respectful and a decent communicator is a given you shouldn’t even date someone who doesn’t tick those boxes.

Post # 14
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Marry someone who makes you laugh every day (and vice versa)! My husband and I crack each other up multiple times daily. And kind of related, marry someone who you can be an absolute goofy dork around without being embarrassed. Amd marry someone you enjoy being around a lot. We’ve spent the last over a year both working from home and we still very much enjoy each other’s company. 

Post # 15
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee

Been married 8 years and it has never been hard. We have always been happy. I think a huge part of it is marrying someone you are compatible with.

However, my advice us communication is so important. Humans are not mind readers. If something is wrong, talk about it. Dont hint around and think your SO can read your mind.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors