How to be happily married?

posted 1 week ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

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@aprilblonde:  Agree, especially your comment about how they treat staff etc.  I knew my now-husband for over a year before we started dating, and two things that really got my attention were how he didn’t take it out his frustration on other people when something went wrong and how he always treated checkout staff, waiters etc so graciously.  It amazes me when women on here continue (or even start) dating guys who are rude to other people.

Post # 32
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

Find common goals and work together to achieve them. Financial goals can be great but also tangible accomplishments – work on updating a bathroom or new landscaping in the yard together. Make shared fitness goals or traveling goals. Yes, each partner is an individual and having your own hobbies and interests is beneficial to being a more well rounded person and therefore a better partner but I have found that having shared projects and activities always helps to bring us closer and ends up being something we can always talk about (besides the kids 😆). 

Post # 33
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Trust. And trust again. That is the most important thing in marriage, I think. And not to cheat, of course. Trust is not to be played. Then you will have harmony in your marriage. 

Post # 34
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I’m no marriage expert, but I’ve been with my husband for 22 years and married for 19. I lived with him before we got married. People are so different when you live with them as opposed to just going out on dates. You need to make sure you can live with “all” of them. Having someone who wants the same things out of life as you I think is also helpful. Trust, that is a big one you need to have trust in the person because without it a marriage can’t work. Make sure you can always express your feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly. Open communication is key also. I don’t have a perfect marriage we have our arguments, but after 22 years we still hold eachothers hand everywhere, still planning our future together. Remember, people change also as they get older so marriage does require effort on both parts.

Post # 35
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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@msuttman8:  Marry someone who you have the utmost respect for, and who you know has the utmost respect for you. Romance and looks can fade, but friendship and respect are eternal.

Post # 37
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Always remember that you two are on the same team. No matter what comes at you, you are on the same side fighting against it. You pull your weight a little more when your teammate is struggling and they will do the same for you. You should be eachother’s biggest cheerleaders

Post # 38
Member
753 posts
Busy bee

– Marry someone who has similar emotional needs to you. Similar interests are less important than being able to fulfill each others emotional needs. 

– Marry someone who makes you laugh/that you have FUN with. 

– Be grateful for each other/don’t take each other for granted. Recognize what they do for you every day and how they improve your life.

– Be generous with each other. Don’t keep score or hold things over each others heads.

Post # 39
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1999 - Tacoma, WA

This is a great question. I’ve been married for more than half of my life, so I think I have a semi-firm understanding of what works (for me, at least):

We all love our spouse. LIKE them too. A previous Bee said it wonderfully: if I wasn’t married to this person, would I want to be their friend?

Don’t live and die by your expectations (and don’t keep score). 

Go to bed mad. Sometimes you just need to let it go and get some damn sleep.

Remember they are your partner. It is not you vs. them; it is both of you against anything and everything else.

Be the person they seek out – the first person they want to tell great news to, the first person they want to hold after a bad day, the first person they want to share an awesome piece of pie with.

Overuse the words “I’m sorry” and “Thank you”.

When you argue/disagree, decide “Whom is this more important to?” and then side with that person.

Have silly inside jokes and stupid traditions.

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