How to be okay with waiting

posted 1 month ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think you just need to remind yourself that a year really isn’t that long in the scheme of your life and having you baby won’t be less special a year from now.  I know the flip side of that to some people is ‘it’s only a year so he should just be ready now’ but it isn’t uncommon for people to just want to enjoy some time of newlywed life before jumping straight to the next stage and it’s great you get that.

It is also great that you’re off hormonal contraception now so hopefully everything will be regulated and working perfectly by the end of the year, in the meantime definitely make sure you are using condoms if you know your husband isn’t ready yet.

A year is a short time and I think when you look back you will be glad to have a time just enjoying being husband and wife, very soon there will be three of you so just enjoy having him to yourself.  Why don’t you guys plan a few trips this year and think of everything you want to do in life that is easier without a baby that way you have other exciting things happening so you won’t feel like you are waiting for anything. 

Post # 4
Member
5256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

longtobee :  If you guys are already waiting a year, make sure you’re using it to live to your fullest!  You have a lot less freedom when a baby comes along.  Echoing PP, plan some trips, frequent date nights, go to concerts, or maybe do something you won’t be able to easily do otherwise.  

If your heart is really on TTC right now, you could also start taking prenatals, get in shape, get any home renovations out of the way, and spend time cooking meals!  That’s one thing I miss… cooking for an hour or two, and enjoying all the complex flavors (we really don’t have time for that now lol).

But also, keep your expectations to a minimum.  It took my husband and I 9 tries to get our daughter…. it might not happen right away.  If you’re this hurt when you weren’t trying, it’s so much more heartbreaking when you are and all you get are BFNs followed by your period.

Post # 5
Member
4817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

longtobee :  Your kids will still be roughly the same age as your friend’s and if they were pregnant in December then you will still be really close in milestones.  I know it seems far but try to focus on other fun things and it will fly by.

Go on a big vacation somewhere that you wouldn’t want to drag a baby to and spend the year doing really spontaneous dates with your husband.

Maybe every other Friday night you each have to plan a surprise date for the other.  Go straight after work and soak up this time when you can be a little selfish and irresponsible, you don’t need to go home and pick baby up from childcare you can just go straight from work to cocktails with no worries!

Maybe you could make a saving goal with your husband, you could set a goal of having 5/10/15k saved by December and that way you will feel like you are actively working towards it.

Post # 6
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You just got married a few months ago, and will begin TTC in about six months if I read this right? I understand being eager to start trying NOW, but it’s not like you don’t have a firm start date for TTC that is actually in the quite near future! I’m sorry you’re struggling, but crying because you got a BFN when you aren’t even trying yet doesn’t sound too healthy to me bee. I think you need to work on finding some serenity now, as well as some perspective. TTC can be very stressful, as can pregnancy and of course life with a baby. Can you guys plan some fun trips or something in the next six months, stuff you won’t be able to do once you’re parents?

Post # 7
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

My husband and I orginally thought we’d wait until 2 years after the wedding to have children but after the wedding we started to feel like there wasn’t really a point to waiting that long… so we decided to purchase a house earlier than orginally planned, work on getting healthier, and building up a savings. So now we’re only waiting a year and a month (we are going to TTC at the end of this summer) after we got married. Even shortening with our timeline, we’re excited to have a family so having goals/making plans definitely helps make time fly. So we went to Vegas, and going to do plenty of bar hopping, beach days and little fun things this summer. While having saving goals

Post # 9
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

longtobee :  Great update bee!

One thing that kinda helped me when I was ready to TTC a few months before my husband got there was charting my cycle via temping and OPKs. It’s not for everyone, but I was worried we’d have issues because there’s a history of infertility in my family, so being able to confirm that I was in fact ovulating made me feel a lot calmer going into TTC. 

Post # 10
Member
5256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

longtobee :  I’m so glad you had a good talk this weekend and you have some plans lined up.  It will help.  The hormones are hard to deal with when you kind of want a baby, no matter how rational you’re trying to be.  We’re looking to TTC baby #2 in fall, but #1 took us so long last time, we’re kind of trying/kind of not just in case we’re lucky enough to not have to try so hard this time around.  And even though a pregnancy isn’t ideal and I prefer to get pregnant this fall, I still can’t help but feel disappointed for a bit.

Best of luck, Bee <3

Post # 12
Member
5256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

longtobee :  Thank you so much, darling <3  I hope it happens for you quickly when you and your husband are ready.  And enjoy your vacation at the end of the year!!  These boards are GREAT when you start TTC!

Post # 13
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

It’s 16 months away from when we start trying, mostly for financial reasons plus a big trip to europe we want to do. For me, counting down the days for 16 months is way too long, so instead I’m counting down to several dates I’ve set for myself instead.  In October 2019 I plan to start taking prenatals. January 2020 I’m going to let myself start reading all the fertility books and TTC books I can get my hands on. May 2020 I’ll get my birth control implant out, have a pre-TTC appointment, and start tracking CM and stuff like that, and September 2020 we start trying!

That way when 16 months feels like too long I can get excited about something earlier on my timeline instead.

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