Post # 1
Hello everyone. I am a new member here. The reason I haven’t joined before now is because I am not engaged yet and I know myself. I will drive myself crazy with all things wedding and become obsessed and that is the last thing I want. I am already having a hard time not being obsessed and that is why I am posting here.
My boyfriend and me have been together for 3 years. The 3rd anniversary of the day we met and he asked me out was on Thursday. After our anniversary dinner we talked about our future. I have always been looking for a serious relationship and marriage. He has always said that he wants the same thing.
Our 5th anniversary (October 12, 2019) is on a Saturday. There has to be at least a year between the wedding and the proposal because our church requires it and also because we want to buy a house and I don’t want to feel super rushed planning the wedding.
When we talked he said he does want to marry me and he plans to ask me. But he wants the proposal to be special and to be a surprise. A surprise meaning that I don’t know where or when or anything like that. He promised me he is working on it and will propose by October 12th of next year and no later so we can get married on our 5 year anniversary. I would be okay with us saying we are engaged and I don’t even need a ring but I can see that this proposal means a lot to him and I want to have this.
I don’t doubt him and I have no reason to. He has never given me a reason to mistrust him or anything. I know he has already talked to my father and mother (and I have talked to his before). Our families know each other a little bit because we all go to the same church. He has always said that he wanted the same thing as me: a serious relationship and marriage. I understand and am with him when he says he wants to have control of the proposal because it is the one thing that is his (if that makes any sense). He knows my ring size. I am not picky about rings at all but he says he wants me to love mine.
I am posting here is to ask how I can get through the next year without driving myself crazy? I am already on pins and needles. It has only been 3 days and every time I see him I keep wondering if this is going to be it. I don’t want to be disappointed every time I don’t get a proposal. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life because I do have a few cousins who are married but they never had to wait or deal with a timeline and my mom didn’t either. I also don’t want to make everyone sick of me talking about it. How do I be patient and let my boyfriend do his plan without driving myself nuts for the next year? I would appreciate any advice.
Thank-you everyone 🙂
Post # 3
nothinggoldcanstay : Respectfully, why does that matter at all?
Post # 4
Your relationship starting the day you met makes you sound very young.
Post # 5
I highly suggest you get off this site. It’s easy to become consumed and obsessed with checking the boards, and getting jealous at every engagement.
Post # 6
MissCtoMrsR : Thanks for taking the time to reply! I haven’t looked anywhere else on this board and I don’t plan to because I don’t want to become obsessed. I am not jealous at anyone else being engaged though. I went to a colleague’s engagement party last week and I am nothing but happy for them. I know my time will come. I am just impatient for it to get here now. I will for sure be following your advice and staying off the rest of this board.
Post # 7
OP, there is nothing you can do about it. Whether he will eventually propose or not. I would take his words, but the mind is your own, you can create a heaven or hell. I don’t know how you can be more patient about it, it’s all up to you, perhaps you can keep busy, focus on your career, and let it flow.
Post # 8
Agree with PP, I strongly suggest you get off this site until you’re engaged.
When I was in the waiting phase, I started to obsess a bit and came on these boards all the time, or would look at wedding stuff on pinterest, etc. It just made the time drag and made waiting awful. When I started to feel envious of others getting engaged, I knew I needed to stop looking at this stuff and chill out. You know the proposal is coming, so try to get off these sites and focus your mind on something else. You’re in a great relationship, try to focus on building on that instead of focusing on the ring.
Post # 9
Focus on work! I know that definitely helps me keep my mind off things. I still like coming to this site to hear about other bees’ engagements since there were a few of us waiting around the same time. I dont talk about it as much with my friends because I’m sure if I did, they’ll be sick of it by now! So definitely, whatever it is you need to do, keep yourself busy.. but stay off pinterest!
Post # 10
Yes I think pps have it right, this Waiting board is not a happy place, don’t come here before you ‘have’ to .
Also, with respect there are two things that bother me in your post one is ” he says he wants to have control of the proposal because it is the one thing that is his (if that makes any sense).” No it doesn’t ,I highly doubt he has no control over anything else . I mean , is it only you who will decide who and how many guests at the weddiing, where you will live, how many children you will have, whether or not you will be a Stay-At-Home Mom etc etc ? Of course not, he will have plenty to say about these and a thousand other things. He wants control over the proposal so he can put it off till he wants it, whether you like that or not .
The other thing is “There has to be at least a year between the wedding and the proposal because our church requires it ” Well the church can prefer it , but it can’t leglislate or enforce such a thing if you are of a legal age to marry.
This is your life OP, be careful about allowing too much control of it out of your own hands, to a man or an institution no matter how well meaning and righteous either of them are .
Post # 11
Post # 12
tryingtobeepatient : Honestly, he said he will do it by Oct 12 next year. Then you can’t say anything until then. Set a calendar count down or whatever, but he will do it by then then yes! You can say something and decide what you want if he DOESN’t propose by then. But you have to give him a chance to do what he said he is going to do. If he doesn;t do what he says he will then you don’t want to be with him anyway.
Age also matters and that is why the bees asked. If you started dating at 16 and is now 21 there is a huge difference in maturity, reasons to get married, etc form both men and women’s standpoint than say you were 25 and now 28…believe me.
Post # 13
I cant help you too much because it would be like the blind leading the blind! I am 99.9% sure that my proposal is happening in November and I am going CRAZY! I definitely reccommend talking your gfs ears off and being active on here instead of talking to your soon to be Fiance about it!
GOOD LUCK! lol
EDIT: I see a lot of people saying to not be active on the waiting boards, but I enjoy the other boards. I get excited seeing dresses, rings, venues, etc. because I know my time is coming!
Post # 14
abouttodoit17 : I disagree with this. I’m 27 and Fiance is 30 and we celebrate the day we met/day of our first date (we met online so our first date was our first meeting in person) as our anniversary, even though we weren’t official until about a month later.
OP, do you want to get married on your five year anniversary or would you prefer it to be sooner? It sounds like an arbitrary date to me and personally I’d be annoyed at having to wait that long (unless you are under 25). You should get a say in your own future; if that year timeline for proposal and 2 year timeframe for wedding aren’t satisfactory to you, then you should be able to voice that and come to a compromise.