(Closed) How to be supportive of a friend who continues to make really bad life choices?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have multiple girls i know that are all heading down this path.  Whether it be a serial cheater or a spouse making silly decisions regarding finances. 

Ultimately it is their decision to be so foolish.  There really isn’t anything you can do other than try and support them when they need a shoulder to cry on. 

Post # 4
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Here is the phrase that gets me through all of that crap:

“I’m so sorry to hear that, I am certain you will figure it out.”

I have a lot of friends that just don’t seem to get it in one arena or another, and I certainly don’t judge people for their hardships, but it does get a bit tedious when you want to celebrate a milestone or success in your life and the entire evening is centered around their endless loop of failure/drama.  It is for this reason, that the above captione phrase in invaluable, because I am always sorry to hear that someone is having a hard time or upset, but it’s also not my sole purpose on this Earth to walk them through it either.  You cannot change people, protect them from their own silliness or even save them from themselves, but you can be their friend, listen to their problems and support them through it….my only objection to this is when that seems to be the ONLY thing that happens in your friendship…things go to hell, you get the call and sit in some cafe watching her cry in her mocha…if there’s no benefit to being her friend for you, she’s not much of one to begin with.  Weed your garden and nourish those friends that nourish you!


Post # 6
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yah I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s so hard for me to hold my tongue in these situations as well because I’m opinionated, but you really just have to. There’s no good way of saying ‘well, what did you expect?’ People in these situations know they’ve made some stupid, foolish choices. She probably doesn’t need to be reminded of that. 

She probably needs someone who will just listen and not judge her for the mistakes she made.

And you can always put her in touch with a good divorce lawyer when the time comes. I mean IF… If the time comes…

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