Post # 1
I’m having a really tough time being supportive of my friend and her marriage. I’ve never liked or trusted her husband. My friend caught him cheating on her just months before they got married, yet married him anyway despite everyone cautioning her not to. They’ve been married a little over two years, and are now expecting a baby next spring. My friend just finished cosmotology school and is currently unemployed. Her husband up and quit his job last week without even discussing it with my friend, so now they have no income, no insurance, and a baby on the way! I know that jobs are difficult to come by these days, so I really can’t respect her husband for walking out on his job without anything lined up. I also can’t really respect my friend for deciding to get pregnant before she even finished her cosmotology program (though I have a feeling she only got pregnant so that she wouldn’t have to actually work).
I love my friend and want to help out however I can, but I find myself always holding my tounge when she comes crying to me about how hard her life is lately. I want to remind her that this is the life she chose and that no one forced her to get married to this man or decide to get pregnant, but I know that’s not terribly supportive of me to say.
Anyone have any advice? Thanks for listening to me vent!
Post # 3
I have multiple girls i know that are all heading down this path. Whether it be a serial cheater or a spouse making silly decisions regarding finances.
Ultimately it is their decision to be so foolish. There really isn’t anything you can do other than try and support them when they need a shoulder to cry on.
Post # 4
Here is the phrase that gets me through all of that crap:
“I’m so sorry to hear that, I am certain you will figure it out.”
I have a lot of friends that just don’t seem to get it in one arena or another, and I certainly don’t judge people for their hardships, but it does get a bit tedious when you want to celebrate a milestone or success in your life and the entire evening is centered around their endless loop of failure/drama. It is for this reason, that the above captione phrase in invaluable, because I am always sorry to hear that someone is having a hard time or upset, but it’s also not my sole purpose on this Earth to walk them through it either. You cannot change people, protect them from their own silliness or even save them from themselves, but you can be their friend, listen to their problems and support them through it….my only objection to this is when that seems to be the ONLY thing that happens in your friendship…things go to hell, you get the call and sit in some cafe watching her cry in her mocha…if there’s no benefit to being her friend for you, she’s not much of one to begin with. Weed your garden and nourish those friends that nourish you!
Post # 5
Thanks for your response. I’ve tried to weed her out over the past several years, but I feel so guilty abandoning her since she really doesn’t have any other friends. I know it’s not my job to hold her hand through life, so I’m going to use the phrase you quoted above next time.
Post # 6
Yah I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s so hard for me to hold my tongue in these situations as well because I’m opinionated, but you really just have to. There’s no good way of saying ‘well, what did you expect?’ People in these situations know they’ve made some stupid, foolish choices. She probably doesn’t need to be reminded of that.
She probably needs someone who will just listen and not judge her for the mistakes she made.
And you can always put her in touch with a good divorce lawyer when the time comes. I mean IF… If the time comes…