Post # 16
I don’t have any advice; I just want to share a bit of my personal experience.
I. Cry. Over. Everything. I can’t help it. In highschool, if I got in trouble, I would cry over getting a detention (totally not a big deal, and I knew that. I just couldn’t help but cry). I cry when telling my boss what an awesome day I had (again, not a reason to cry, but there is nothing I can do to stop the tears). I cry from movies, songs, commercials, books, etc.
This makes me sound like an emotionally unstable crybaby, but I can assure you I am not. I don’t cry to pout or to get my way. I just wish I didn’t cry so much because it is often seen as a sign of weakness.
We should totally find a way to work together!
Post # 17
Another vote for therapy. Also somatic practices. If you just weren’t an emotional person, then I’d say maybe get comfortable with who you are. But considering you said you started to well up at the proposal and then shut down and “spaced out” (which could be a sign that you disassociated) – therapy is probably your best bet to at least explore what may be going on. (and it could be that you learn that you just aren’t a very emotional person).
Also, I’m sorry to hear about your mom. It’s hard to go so long in life unable to access emotions and then to have something so devastating happen that you don’t know what to do with it or yourself. That’s got to be scary for both her and for you.
When I started working on accessing my emotions, I spent a year crying about all kinds of things. I remember a moment when I started to sob about a commercial with a puppy and I was like “Okay, this is completely ridiculous.” but if you have spent years not being able to feel your feelings about major things, you’re going to need to give yourself some time to feel what arises, no matter the circumstance and sometimes that means a silly puppy commercial.
Post # 18
I don’t think not crying means you’re blocking your emotions or anything like that at all. A person can feel strong emotions internally without bawling about it.
And why is it that men are seen as strong when they don’t cry, but women are considered cold, emotionless, unapproachable? It’s BS.
I didn’t cry at my proposal, my wedding, or even the birth of my child. Was I happy? Hell yes!
If you feel some unresolved trauma from your parent’s divorce, then by all means I’d pursue some therapy. But I don’t think anything is wrong with you.
Post # 19
I think you’re over thinking this after the recent family trauma. I’m not a cryer, especially not when I’m happy. Didn’t cry at the proposal, I did have a big grin on my face though. Also didn’t cry at the ceremony, not that I expected to. I did worry that I may feel distracted and not in the moment on the big day, but I wasn’t. When you get all made up, get into your beautiful dress and walk down the aisle to that lovely song you picked, and you see him at the end of the aisle, and all your loved ones around you, you WILL be in the moment. And you’ll enjoy the moment.
Crying is definitely optional (and dare I say overrated).
Husband did look like he tried hard not to cry though and he did say in his speech later that he had been worried about breaking down sobbing at the ceremony lol… so men have complete opposite worries it seems.
There’s no rule that you must be emotional or that he can’t be (or must be). You should just allow yourself to feel how you feel. Perhaps once you accept your feelings and how you react to those feelings, you won’t be bothered by any of this.
ETA: at my last job a lady in her mid 40s regularly broke down in tears because she was overwhelmed by any small issue she was facing. One time she came into work crying, we were all concerned and she said she fell down on the way to work, so we were seriously worried that she hurt herself. Turns out…she just scrapped her knee….we put a bandaid on it. Can you imagine? Be glad you’re not like that.
Post # 20
If you aren’t happy with how you are feeling present in the world, therapy is a great option.
But you should also know, there is NOTHING wrong with being a person who doesn’t show emotions outwardly in a particularly graphic way, so long as you are able to connect meaningfully with people. I had a loving childhood, my parents are still together and love and support me. I hVe great friends and a wonderful partner…..and I often don’t show emotions in contexts when others do. I don’t look surprised at surprise parties (though I am, and I love them!) I don’t cry at sappy real life moments (though I like them!) I don’t look excited when I get a present even though I love it (so I am told!) My husband is the opposite- he wears his emotions very openly.
But here is the thing— I AM happy and sad and joyful and reflective and upset. And I do share those things with people I care about. My facial expressions just don’t, and I don’t tend to cry much.
Thats fine. It hasn’t interfered with my relationships- it’s just something the people around me know (and joke about). I make sure to share with them verbally how I feel about something. I just don’t perform emotion publically. And there is nothing wrong with that!
Tou don’t need fixing just to present to the workd of you are ok with how lunate actually experiencing it (and of not, therapy and meditation. Can do wonders) you’ll be fine!
Post # 21
anastasia21 : I highly suggest therapy. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you but you deserve to be the best version of yourself and working through your concerns with a professional seems like the best way to do this (I have similar problems to a lesser extent and therapy helps a lot).