(Closed) How to break it off with my MOH :( please help

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I think that situations like this are really sticky and the emotional entanglement you find yourself in is not to be taken lightly. We don’t truly know you, or the background, or all the minutae that lends itself to what appears to be, from your perspective, an ever-dissolving relationship.

That being said, setting aside emotions – the advice being given is just based on what people view as right or wrong. I don’t feel it’s right to invite someone to be a part of such a significant part of your life and then take it away. I think that you need to have a very honest heart-to-heart with your Maid/Matron of Honor. At the end of that heart-to-heart, you will both know for sure what the right answer is. Give your Maid/Matron of Honor a chance before you render a verdict against her.

Post # 18
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you are certain you’re done with this friendship and you are willing to reimburse her any costs she has incurred due to your wedding at this point, then go for it. While its rude to request someone to step-down from a role and will surely end your friendship for good. It would be down right evil and b*tchy to not refund any and all costs she has already had from being in your wedding. Dress, shoes, any other expense she has incured, if she already went to the trouble to throw your engagement party, or bachelorette I feel you are obligated to refund her the costs of doing so.

ETA: I just saw your update that she didn’t have to pay for her dress or stuff like that, I have a feeling she still had the task over hosting your shower and bachelorette party, deposits may already be down on things and may not be refundable, so you need to refund any of this to her if she has incurred these expenses, and return any wedding related gifts from her to her, as it would be unfair to keep them in this situation.

Post # 19
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@Irish-bride:  You weren’t just “asking a question” you were making jabs at the OP without directly addressing her. If you’ve got a question maybe it’s best to start a thread about it rather than mocking to OP when you have no advice to give.

OP, if you ask her to step down consider that friendship over. Are you willing to do that? Is it worth it? Honestly, asking a Maid/Matron of Honor to step downs probably is not something I would do, but if you feel that strongly about it just mind that you can’t ever expect her to want to be friendly again.

Post # 20
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Irish-bride:  I think you were asking more generally then just at the OP – and you’re right, there ARE a good number of brides on here asking how to demote or kick out a bridesmaid, its not just OP.

OP, it looks like you have a month to go.  I understand your feelings, but at the same time, it isn’t necessarily her fault, or just her fault, that the relationship changed, and telling someone you would like to step down can end a friendship for good.  Can you wait until the wedding is over to talk about how you feel?  It might be for the best, because you don’t need the added stress of hurting a friendship the month leading up to your wedding.

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