(Closed) How to break up after six years?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You can live alone without being lonely – I lived by myself for quite a while and it’s pretty liberating.  Honestly, I would say you need to talk to him ASAP. Do you think that if you ended it, you could at least move into one of the other bedrooms until you can get a new place sorted out? A share house, if you can’t afford to live alone or really hate the idea of living alone – at 22 it shouldn’t be too difficult to find a share house with like-minded people and it has the advantage of introducing you to new people as well.  It sounds like you know you need to get out and the longer you leave it the more difficult it will be.  Good luck.

Post # 3
Member
11198 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

What about getting a roomate to cover half of your living expenses?  It’s wrong to keep this dead end relationship going just to keep the bills paid.

It sounds like time for a serious talk in hopes you can end things amicably.  A couples’ therapist can also facilitate a healthy ending to a relationship.

You’re in a tough spot, but it sounds as if you know what you need to do.

Post # 4
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

I left my ex Fiance after being togeher for 7 years. We too got together too young. I knew we needed to end but I stayed a lot longer than I should have. I had never really lived alone before. I’d never even taken out my own trash! I found an apartment I could afford and moved out. I relied on friends and family to keep me busy. I was scared. I cried a lot and slept with the lights on for a while. I made it through. I eventually met my now Darling Husband and am so thankful for being brave enough to go out on my own. 

Good luck to you. It seems like you already know what you need to do. 

Post # 5
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee

natalie0981:  get yourself a pet! That’s how I survived being by myself. I had something that still depended on me everyday and needed me. I also focused on myself and made improvements I wanted to without worrying about anything else. 

Post # 6
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I stayed with my high school sweetheart about two years longer than I should have (and we were together four). The best way to do it is to just sit down and talk with him face-to-face. Then, set a move-out date for him (or you) and either advertise for a roommate or find someone who IS advertising for a roommate to cover half the costs of the apartment.

Post # 7
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

natalie0981:  My older sister ended a relationship of almost 10 years about 6 months ago, and it was the best choice she ever made! Of course, it wasn’t easy, and financially, things were tough for awhile, but she did it and she’s never been happier. Like others have suggested, could you get a roommate or two to help fill up the extra bedrooms in your house? That way, you wouldn’t have to leave, but you’d still be able to afford your bills without extra stress. Or, get a fresh start, move into a studio and embrace living on your own. You can do it!

Post # 8
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Congratulate yourself for recognizing the futility of the situation and realizing the mistakes that led to it.

People your age are often very stressed about money and where they will live – for good reason. Think about the small steps you can take. Could you stay until the lease is up, and then move yourself to a one-bedroom apartment?

In the future, go against the conventional wisdom and do not live with someone outside of marriage (or beyond a limited trial period when you have agreed to marry). Living together, as your experience shows, just closes off so many options. It stops you from meeting others. People move in together very casually – they have low standards for whom they choose to live with. Then they can end up marrying the wrong person largely because they have invested so much time and it seems to be the next step.

Post # 9
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

natalie0981:  living alone can be scary after being with someone for so long. However, i think it would be great for you, very liberating. You are so young and have a lot of experiences to look forward to. With that said, i think that you should sit down with your boyfriend and explain exactly how you are feeling and see if you can break your lease and find different living quarters. Can you stay with someone in case you need to? Financialy, living alone can be a little tough but with the right budgeting it can be managed.

i am sorry you are going through this. Goodluck

Post # 10
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

natalie0981:  Have you spoken to your landlord about room mates? That way he can or you can afford to stay in the home at least for a little while until you can take your next steps. You’re going to feel so good once you are finally freed. Being single and living alone (if you an afford it) is such a powerful feeling. If you’re concerned, get a cat. They don’t need much and you and the cat will both get attention and space you need πŸ™‚

You’re lucky you have the mind to know it’s over and you’re ready to make changes for yourself, that’s huge! I dated a guy from hs far too long and it became poisonous and I hated the person I was with him. I went on a family trip for two weeks and met someone else and that’s what it took for me to finally break it off for good. It’s hard pulling back all the shreds of “you” from that life of “us” but god is it worth it.

Best of luck! Enjoy your single and ready to mingle status πŸ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Good on your for recognizing the situation!

The obstacles you speak of, aren’t really obstacles. They’re something that frightens EVERYONE getting out of a long term relationship, and something that keep a lot of people (women especially) in bad relationships. But please don’t let it!

It’s a simple matter of logistics.

Talk to your landlord, and/or find roommates. Volunteer to get yourself out of the house, or get a pet. Go to the movies, find Meet Ups, send someone you haven’t seen in a while a message. Do some art, write some songs, read a good book. Love yourself again, being alone doesn’t mean being lonely! Get your identity back, and don’t lose sight of it again!

You just have to believe that these are things you can work through – because you can! I promise.

Post # 12
Member
520 posts
Busy bee

I ended a 9 year relationship about a year and a half ago. I did still love him, but knew that we were way too different to ever raise kids together or even merge our finances. He was like a best friend/roommate that I had sex with but not a life partner.

I told him on a Sunday night what I was feeling and then I packed a small bag and moved to my parents house for a week. I left that cat there so he wouldn’t be alone, but told him that the cat would end up living with me (he was mine in the first place, so this wasn’t really negotiable). My ex and I got together again on Monday to talk more in detail and then got together at the apartment on Wednesday to actually devide our things. Then on Saturday he had his step dad come over with a moving truck and he moved his stuff out.

The difference was that our place was really my place. My name was on the lease and I paid the rent, so him staying there wasn’t really something that needed to be discussed. The logistics of the breakup were probably easier than most people in a 9 year relationship.

He was very upset at first but has since accepted it and even told some mutual friends that he thinks it is for the best. Over the last year and a half we have talked a few times, basically whenever something big happens we updated each other.

The best piece of advice I can give you is that as difficult and complicated as you think this is going to be, when you come out on the other side you are going to realize that it was actually a lot simplier than you had thought.

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