(Closed) How to Bring up an Awkward Subject

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You could just a conversation with her at a neutral time like:

‘I know we agreed that I would help you out in the circumstances you were in then, but I was hoping you could give me a time frame on when you would be able to repay me. I don’t want to pressure you, but the money would be really useful right now for us, I know as my friend you will understand why I am asking.’

Post # 4
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

Given that you are a month away from your wedding (a month away as of TODAY! CONGRATS!) – I think it’s perfectly fine to just give her a call and ask her when you can expect the dress payment. I think she’s avoiding it until you ask her for it – and if you don’t ask, it will turn into a big deal as you get to the point where you need the money more and more.

It’s only rude to ask for repayment if you ask in a rude way. Just be kind and say, “we’re so close to the wedding and I was wondering if you could reimburse me for your Bridesmaid or Best Man dress by x date.” Give her another week to come up with the cash and then go from there!

Post # 5
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eek. That is difficult. If possible I would wait until after the wedding so there isn’t any tension between you day of the wedding. I don’t really have any great advice for how to bring it up except to be csual and non combative. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would just come right out with it and say something like this…

“so I was wondering if you would be able to pay me back soon? As you know, the wedding is getting closer and I could really use every penny I can get and its been a while and I have not heard anything about it so far. I really hate to bring up money because it can be such an awkward subject! but i had to because it would really be great if you could pay me back like we agreed.”

this would depend on how your friendship works. Im a pretty blunt person and my bm’s are girls who know me best anyway so it would be an easy thing for me to throw out there.

Good luck!

p.s. if something like this doesn’t work just smack her and say “gimme my money biatch!” 😀

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm…I’m more in the camp of letting it go. I know that it sucks and you only did it for one bridesmaid, but I always get the feeling that things don’t go well when you try to get money back that you lent to a friend. I just feel like this is going to get blown out of proportion and you’re going to be down a friend if you make it an issue. 

Sorry, I know it sucks when you don’t get money back from people who owe it to you (it’s happened to me with a few different friends), but I usually let it go. The friendship is more important to me than the money they owe me. 

Post # 8
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would let it go until after the wedding. I think a PP suggested that also. I wouldn’t want to see any tension created between the two of you before your event.

After the wedding, I would just ask for a time frame on when she may be able to pay you back for the dress.

Post # 9
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

In situations like this even if we agree it’s a loan I approach what I’m doing like it’s a gift… so I don’t let it come in between us. Then if I get it back, it’s AWESOME, and if I don’t then it’s not a deal.

That said if you actually do need it. I would just send an email like,

 

“Hey Bridesmaid or Best Man #2,

How’s it going? (Insert something personal about her life, how’s the blank going?) I’ve been having fun with (wedding or life details.) Just out of curiosity did you have a timeframe where you know you’ll be caught up enough with bills that you can pay for your dress? Let me know! Oh, and did you want to get coffee Saturday?”

 

Something like that, so it’s not the main point, so it doesn’t sound like such a big deal…

Post # 10
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d have to let it go, that’s just me being a scaredy cat though.

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@Americano:  that’s a good idea, then she won’t be all “Oh, she is so desperate for the money…” At least you two can talk it over coffee on Saturday….

Post # 12
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

maybe im just different about money and agreements. I cant say I agree that doing something like this should be approached like a gift. If two people agree that one will borrow the other money and that the money will in fact be paid back than I wouldnt consider it rude to ask for the money i borrowed out, I would consider it rude if the person who borrowed it didnt even think to address it. Even if just to say hey I know I still owe you that money, i really appreciate that you did that for me, I swear I havent forgotten and I fully intend on giving it to you when I can spare it!. that to me is the appropriate thing to do. And it wouldnt worry me in the slightest if someoen thinks im hard up for money or something because I have to ask for money that im owed. really? idk. Im surprised people would be so easy about this kind of thing. I am not in any way saying to be rude or ruin a friendship but I think its ridiculous that someone would have to tip toe around someone who borrowed money and now has a job and has not even once mentioned paying it back when that is what was agreed upon. there is a way to respectfully ask.

I guess one could argue that since its for the OP’s wedding and thats why the girl had to borrow the money, and because it was offered that maybe it is a bit of a different situation. But at the same time then she should not have agreed to pay it back if she was not comfortable with that rather than just assume it should be taken as a gift and not even think to mention it. I would feel horrible knowing my friend paid for my dress to be in her wedding and would be so honored that she wanted me in her wedding tha tbadly that she was willing to put up the money for my dress just so i could be in it still. There is no way I would not have mentioned it already and would feel bad that my friend did that for me and then had to come and ask me about it rather than me just being polite enough to bring it up on my own.

In the big picture its not a huge deal and I get that but at the same time if its owed, its owed and a gentle inquiry really shouldnt be out of line in any way.

Post # 13
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

OP – I totally understand!! Days leading up to our wedding, I was so stressed out about money. However, if I were to ask my Bridesmaid or Best Man about it, I wouldn’t do it via email. It’s awkward enough as it is, and no matter how you word it, it’s not going to sound good as someone receiving this email.

I agree with the PPs. I would table the subject until after the wedding. Besides, if she’s wearing the dress on your wedding day, it might prompt her to be reminded of it and be like “oh yeah, I should pay her back.”

Post # 16
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d say something like this next time you guys hang out – “so the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress was $164.93, any idea when you’ll be able to write me a check? I’d looooooove to get these (insert crap you saw on etsy) for the tables!” and if she gets all flustered or embarrassed or angry then say “no sweat, just let me know!”…dont write it in an email or fb message or text, I think that’s impersonal and anything else that you write in the email will be interpreted however she wants instead of what you mean.

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